- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
May 2011 Moms
EJChapman123
member
For you FTM's - is it what you expected?
EJChapman123
member
As pregnant women, I am sure we all spent a lot of time envisioning what labor & delivery, and more importantly life with a newborn, would be like.
For me, labor hurt WAY more than I thought it would. I hoped to go med-free, I couldn't make it 10 minutes.
Taking care of the baby is, however, in a lot of ways easier than I expected. Most of that has to do with being blessed with a very happy, healthy, easy-going child (knock on wood). I feed her, I change her, we hang out and cruise around the house and make funny faces. She is a decent sleeper. The sleep deprivation is awful and really wares on you long term, but I did totally expect that.
What has been harder than expected though, is managing to take care of myself. My matyrdom of mommyhood has really affected my mental health and to a certain extent, my marriage. I need to cut myself some more slack to be honest, but I don't know how. This has been a constant struggle.
Also nursing. Yeah. That didnt work out at all as I expected, and we are on formula now.
So how about you ladies? Are you getting what you thought you would? Pleasant surprises? Disappointments?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: For you FTM's - is it what you expected?
Everything has been better than I expected. I had pretty low expectations.
Labour and delivery was fine. It went fast, and while I was open to the fact that I might need/want an epi, I didn't need it or want it. I had a pretty good natural birth. The hospital stay sort of sucked, but I'm not much of a room sharer.
Being home has been okay. I'm not as tired as I thought I would be. I go out lots. I'm back to working out now. DH and I have only been out without the boy once, but we're okay. Sex is worse than I expected... but it's getting better.
Breastfeeding has been good. I did a lot of preparation and powered through the first couple weeks where it hurt with every latch.
Natural Birth Board FAQs
Cloth Diaper Review Sheet
Similar ups & downs as you all have mentioned. My pregnancy, labor and delivery were way WAY better than I ever expected. I totally had a great pregnancy followed by a "fun" labor. I think about those memories every day, and ask my husband to remind me of something funny / exciting about labor & delivery because I'm afraid of forgetting it.
Parenting has been a lot easier than I thought too. There are definitely days that I think I just might poke my eyes out if I have to do X one more time, but then there are days that are so perfect. I totally thought I needed to know everything there was to know about breastfeeding, baby sleep, daily routines, and parenting strategies. I was quite nervous about "doing it wrong". One day has turned into the next, and somehow we're all happy, bonding, well-fed, healthy, and alive :-) I have realized that I can learn what I need to know when the time comes (or just before, if I can anticipate the next phase).
My relationship with DH has taken a hit -- but we both recognize it and know that (a) its somewhat normal and (b) it will / needs to recover. He is a pretty great dad and very involved. He was very supportive of me in the initial weeks postpartum, but since he's gone back to work and I'm still home on leave - I just get "sick of" (jealous?) of him having down time {when he comes home or on weekends or in the middle of the night}. He rightfully needs some downtime, and we're finding a balance of us both getting that. In the meantime, we've both been short with one another. Hoping that improves soon. Overall, this has definitely been my biggest and least-welcomed surprise. While I knew becoming parents could be difficult for a marriage, I didn't anticipate it would be this hard.
Overall it's been better than I thought.
Labour was longer than I thought but was less painful. I planned on laughing gas only but knew I wouldn't beat myself up if I needed more. I was induced due to high blood pressure and I wasn't dilating and even though I felt like I didn't need it I took the Demerol because they said it would help me dilate. I LOVED the gas and felt high as a kite- I didn't get an epidural and I don't regret it. Pushing sucked but it was only 30 minutes of the 18.5 hour induction.
The first couple weeks were as bad as I thought they'd be but breastfeeding came really easy but I didn't really predict how long/often he'd feed. He was only sleeping 2-3 hours at night until about 5 weeks then suddenly 5,6,7 even from 8.5 hours once. He sleeps from 9-4 most nights which I am really happy with.
Overall, happy surprise.
Me neither, so we left 12 hours after Xander was born- I was much better at home.
My labor ended up being my worst case scenario come true. I had to be induced due to high bp, labored for 9 hours and then ended with an emergency c/s since she had the cord wrapped around her neck. I felt like the first 24 hours after she was born was a blur because I waited on my epidural and just got narcotics since I wasn't dialeted enough. At first I was ok with my birth experience but as time goes on I am more bothered by it, but I tell myself next time it will be better since I will know before hand what to expect.
Taking care of a baby is not what I expected at all. I had never been around any kind of babies and I for some reason thought that were more interactive as newborns. It has gotten much better in the last few weeks as she has started interacting and I finally am starting to feel like this is what I signed up for. I love watching her smiles and cooing. As I told DH I loved her when I saw her but I enjoy her more and more every day. BF was much harder than I expected since everyone told me it was natural. It isn't, it is hard work and takes patience and is very time consuming in the begining. I finally felt like we were getting the hang of it and then we got thrush, after that I went to formula because pumping is not for me. Taking care of myself has definately been put on the back burner. Thankfully I was not high mantaince before so I just try to make sure I shower at least every day but I don't shave near as often as I would before.
My relationship with DH has definately changed but I feel like I love him more after seeing him take care of M. He gets up at least once a night and when he is home does the majority of care for her. I am so glad he is such a great dad since his dad wasn't ever there for him and his brother. Our sex life has not gotten back in the swing yet but he still takes the time to at least snuggle, hug and kiss me everyday so I still feel close to him.
I am definately not in a hurry to get pg again anytime soon. I am not quite ready to say that we are one and done but we are one and going to wait a long time for a second.
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d4edf" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0" /></a>
I don't really have anything different to add to what you all have mentioned, I was bummed that my epidural didn't work. Pushing was way harder than I thought it would be. I knew I would have trouble breastfeeding and I am just glad LO got a month of some breast milk. It is harder to takr care of myself and the house than I thought it would be, but taking care of LO is the best thing ever!
I am doing a lot of things I swore I wouldn't do though...co-sleeping and pacifiers being the big ones. I will pretty much do anything for this kid. I am loving mommy-hood!
DS1 Born Apr 29 2011
DS2 Born Nov 5 2013
Pregnant with #3 Dec 24 2014, MMC found at 10w, D&C Feb 10th 2015
Cautious BFP May 25th 2015 EDD Feb 6 2016
I knew having twins was going to be hard, but MAN! Sometimes it's just too much. When they're both crying and I'm by myself, it's all I can do not to pull my hair out. But we were definitely blessed with two AMAZING baby boys who are usually very good and very happy.
I didn't expect to look forward to waking up at 6:30am to change their diapers, but they're so darn CUTE first thing in the morning! They look at me and babble and smile, and it just melts my heart
I didn't expect to know how to comfort them and make them happy. I didn't expect to be able to tell them apart (other people can't, but DH and I can). I thought I'd be THAT MoM that had no idea which kid was which. Flame away, but I didn't expect them to STTN at 3 1/2 months old. They sleep from about 10:30-11:00pm til 6:30-7am. 8 hour of sleep a night is GLORIOUS.
I didn't expect nursing to be so hard. I figured I'd be able to nurse them right away and have ample supply for both of them. I thought I'd be able to tandem nurse, plus pump BM for DH/sitter to feed them if I was gone. But being born 6 weeks early meant I couldn't nurse them right away (it was a week before I was able to nurse Ian, and I couldn't nurse Jack until he got home 23 days after he was born). And I just couldn't make enough for both of them. We're totally on formula now.
But there were definitely things that I did expect. I wasn't surprised that it takes forever to anywhere. When we go places, it takes at least 30-45mins to get out of the house. And I expected that I'd get stopped everywhere I go, getting comments like "Oh look, it's double-trouble!" (so original! I'd never have thought of that!) or "Are they a boy and a girl?" - "Oh, 2 boys, so are they identical?" (wow! You're that stupid?).
Most of all, I can't believe just how much I love these little guys and how much I'd love being their mommy! So, it's rough over here, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
My goal next time is to be out as soon as I can. They wanted to give me a 24 hour round of antibiotics, so I caved this time and stayed. Although by the time I give birth again, the hospital will likely have a new wing and maybe won't be quite as craptacular. Still, the minimum time is 6 hours post birth and I can see myself trying that out if at all possible.
I did find one thing that surprised me: I love sharing a bed with my baby and waking up to his little dance parties. He's always so happy in the morning.
Natural Birth Board FAQs
Cloth Diaper Review Sheet
I confess, I am that stupid. Based on your picture they do look alike right now, but I find a lot of babies look alike- there's someone on here whose little girl looks like my son's identical twin. For all I know, one of your boy's hair could turn blond and the other stay dark, one of their eyes could turn blue and the other brown, one could grow a foot taller than the other. We all see things in our babies strangers don't- most babies look very alike.
My labor and delivery really couldn't have gone any better and I am immensely grateful for that. I thought I would love her from the second I saw her and I definitely do.
For the most part, having a newborn has been about what I expected. The sleep deprivation was brutal but I knew that would be true. BF has been extremely frustrating and challenging, which I figured was a possibility but was hoping wouldn't be true. The only thing that I think surprised me is that I find it sometimes boring. It's getting better now that LO is more interactive and I'm more energetic though.
My relationship with DH definitely feels more strained than it used to. I think the big reason for that is that the house construction was supposed to be done and he was supposed to have a month or two off from his web design work and neither of those have happened. So I still don't have a closet after 6 months, the house is a chaotic mess that I don't have the time or opportunity to put back together and he has been busy and "unavailable" to help as much as I would like, even though he's sitting in the other room. A couple of times he has made me feel guilty and like I'm inconveniencing him when I ask for help, so then I just stop asking and tend to isolate myself. I had visions of us spending the summer bonding and enjoying each other and LO, but it hasn't happened that way.
As far as being home, we've really gotten into a 'routine' (kinda). Some of it is what I've expected, but in other ways not at all. Breastfeeding was so much more difficult than I expected it to be. It's okay now that we've adjusted, but getting there wasn't much fun.
DH and my relationship. We're doing okay, but that's also been quite an adjustment. I'm trying my darnest not to be a bossy boots, but I struggle somedays! I know we'll get there with some time
Disappointments? Probably the fact that I can't seem to get a shower before 3 or 4 everyday. I wish I could get myself earlier so we could get out of the house more often. I'm sure we'll eventually find a mommy group, or other SAHM's.. but for now, we take Target trips and stuff like that.
It's all been quite an adjustment, but a good adjustment!
ALL of this! I'm with ya.
Labor was so much better than I expected. I was induced but labor was only four hours. I did get an epidural but I went from 4 cm. to 9 cm. in 20 minutes and pushed for only 20 minutes. I ended up with a third degree tear but it didn't hurt after a few days and I was back on the treadmill after four weeks.
Breastfeeding was a lot harder than I expected in the beginning. I had mastitis then DD and I both got Thrush from taking the antibiotics so it was extremely painful for a couple of weeks. I stuck with it through all the pain and even tears and am so happy I did. We have never used a bottle with her; DD is EBF. BF'ing has become so natural to me and I feel like it's created a very special bond between the two of us.
Sex is so much better than I imagined. I thought I would be stretched out and worried about my breasts squirting all over the place and thought it would never be quite the same with the baby here. Wrong! As for being stretched out, well sex for the first time PP went a little like this: "...like a virgin...for the very first time!" My breasts have leaked but it's not a big deal. DH actually loves my new enormous 36E breasts. We're still getting used to having sex with the baby around but I look at it like we're finding a new need to bring spontaneity into our sex life!
DD has reflux so the first four weeks before Zantac were rough in regards to her being fussy all. the. time. I also had to cut quite a few things out of my diet, including dairy, but it's helped tremendously and I feel like we're finally at a good place where DD is that happy baby on the block and we've adjusted well to her in our lives.
Overall, it's much better than I expected. I knew I would be madly in love with DD but I had no idea just how intense it would be. Also, DH and I have gotten so much closer being parents together. It's been an amazing experience!
All in all, life is so much easier and better than I had anticipated it could be with newborn. My expectations were pretty low, but this isn't nearly as hard as I imagined it would be.
I had an easy breezy pregnancy, and I think the terrible induction/labor was a 48 hour payback for the 9 months of easy street that I had. The induction/labor part has really been the only part of this whole experience that has been worse than I expected.
I bounced back quickly, which I had hoped for. I was jogging at day 11 and hitting the gym for weights and other cardio the second week PP. I think that helped me avoid any baby blues. I didn't have any crazy hormonal/mood swings, thank goodness!
I love my child more than I could have imagined. I actually welcome getting up early in the morning to see his cute, smiling face. He eats more then I could have ever expected so we BF and supplement because I just can't keep up. I actually love the freedom of doing both. It's like we are getting the best of both worlds.
The one thing that stinks are the middle of the night feedings. I would definitely be happier without having to wake up 2-3 times every night to feed the little guy, but this too shall pass.
FI and I have been short with each other at times, but we discuss it and know where it stems from and that it isn't personal. We're just tired. lol. Seeing FI with Grayson reiterates to me that he is the man for me, the one I'll eventually marry and spend the rest of my life with. He's patient, loving, hard working, and dedicated to me and our LO. We didn't do things in the "right" order for some people, but it works for us. Having this little one has definitely made our love and bond with deeper and more solid then I could have thought.
All in all, it's mostly as I expected. Looking back now, I'm shocked and thankful for how easy my pregnancy and labor/delivery were. All of that was pretty much as I expected, except I went in wanting no meds whatsoever and they ended up using Pitocin as I was GBS positive and after 5 hours of labor I was still at 1.5 cm. I still managed to go without pain meds, and 6 hours later my little boy was born. I loved pushing. Loved it.
I was surprised by the recovery time, and at how weak I still felt a couple of weeks pp.
I was expecting the sleep deprivation, but not the toll it would take on our marriage. I feel like we're in a much better place now, but for the first few weeks we were being very rude to each other and I was freaking out about how to get everything done around the house and take care of myself and my husband while taking care of a baby. We've mostly figured it out now, and things are much more pleasant around here. (More sleep helps!. Even though he is not STTN yet, he'll sleep for 3-4 hours at a time now, which is HEAVEN after the 1-hour-here, 1-hour-there nonsense.)
And I'm very shocked and disappointed by how difficult/nonexistent our sex life is. No matter what we try, it just hurts. Like being a virgin again x10. Also, even being able to try requires: being in the mood, baby asleep or content to sit alone somewhere (hahaha, yeah right), and being awake enough to try. So naturally we get a chance once in a blue moon. I feel so bad for DH, who is being incredibly patient. Tomorrow is our 2nd anniversary, though, so hopefully we'll work a bit harder to make the time.
You all make me jealous with your easy labors. Labor was a b*tch for me. I really wish I had educated myself WAY more before we went in. I was in labor for 18 hours, pushed for 2 and Dee hadn't even moved an inch. So I ended up with a c/s and my DD got an e coli infection and ended up in the NICU for 15 days. I was nowhere near mentally prepared for any of this and it was a LOT harder than I ever could have imagined.
Mommyhood - it's hard work! Dee is a great baby, but it's not easy. Sleep deprivation is really hard and sometimes just finding the motivation to brush my teeth is hard. But the love I feel for her is WAY more amazing than I ever could have imagined. I knew I'd love her - I just didn't know I'd love her THIS much.