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May 2011 Moms
darmca
member
WWYD Odd Baptism
darmca
member
DH and I are not religious- I think 'agnostic' describes us best- we believe in God etc but don't really actively practice any organized religion. I'd still describe myself as 'Christian' though.
We were married by a non-denomination minister ("The Church of God" is who she is ordained by). His mom is a very active Christian, she currently attends a Baptist church (not a really conservative one, more contemporary) but is not really attached to any particular sect of Christianity. My mom was raised Presbyterian and converted to Catholicism and now practices neither. They both REALLY want our son to be baptized. Not attending a church, I would feel wrong pretending to join just to have him baptized. I also dislike the idea of baptizing him in a religion that may make him feel bad about himself as he gets older (anti-gay, judgmental about things I think are silly like living together before marriage etc).
We have decided to have the minister who married us baptism him as a general "Christian" and let him make his own decision about particular sects as he grows up. We're doing the baptism at the beach with a BBQ at our place afterwards.
While I am not someone who is easily swayed, I'm wondering how religious people (my brother and his wife, my MIL etc) feel about and odd baptism like this? Are we offending people?
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Re: WWYD Odd Baptism
I think how you're going about it is the Best way possible. I think it's a beautiful thing that you are not devoting him to one specific religion but leaving it to him to decide in the long run.
This is actually how I want my own baptism to be lol.
I am thinking they may see it as a mockery of a religious even that is important to them: a baptism that you pay for, that is not in a church. Baptism is supposed to welcome a baby into a religious community (usually a church)- in our case he will be exposed to religion through his family and our friends, who will be present. It's a commitment to raise your child in a faith- our faith is quite undefined and could be summed up as "be nice to people- even when you disagree with them".
Honestly, yeah. I do feel like it's stupid to have fake church events for an unchurched child. And a Baptist wouldn't baptize a baby. If you want your child to make his choices later, that's fine, but there's just no need for a mock baptism.
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I'd be offended ... or maybe not offended -- but left with a big question mark at the end of your day.
What is YOUR purpose for this event? What commitments and/or meaning are YOU (and your husband) placing behind the service you are planning for your son? Are you committing your son to something or are you committing yourselves to do something? What do you hope to 'achieve' by "baptizing" your son? To appease your mother/MIL? To offer a blessing upon your child? To make a sacred vow on behalf of your child that you will raise him in the Christian faith? In my opinion only -- you need to define what YOUR purpose is for this "baptism" and then pursue that wholeheartedly both on the day of the beach/BBQ and also throughout his life.
The church I grew up in (Protestant Christian / Methodist) practiced 'Infant Dedication', where the parents were dedicating their child to God, dedicating themselves to raise their child to follow Christ and the church body was dedicating themselves to help support the parents and the child in their faith. Once the child (or adult) decided that s/he desired to commit their own lives to Christ's following, they were baptized. A baptism was not done until an age that a person could make their own choices / decisions. This tends to be the thought / practice that I most closely align with now.
If you have not done so already, I would challenge you to give significant pause and thought to your purpose for this service for your child. Based on your brief descriptions, I would not understand or recommend your child be "baptized" -- it makes no sense. If the true meaning of baptism falls in line with YOUR belief system, fine. If not, think of some other way to demonstrate your faith/spirituality as you honor your new baby. Maybe an event/service where you offer gratitude, celebration or a special blessing?
Can you have a blessing or some kind of welcoming ceremony that is not specifically a baptism instead? I personally wouldn't let anyone else tell me that I need to baptize my child if I didn't want to do it. My husband and I are also agnostic, but if our child wants to join a church and get baptized when she is old enough to make her own decisions she can do this at that time.
I was baptized, but never went to church as a child, so it always seemed a little weird to me like I was just baptized to make my mom feel less guilty about not going to church. My sisters were not baptized.
Why bother? I wouldn't be offended but if you dont plan on having any religion in this childs life until he is old enough to decide to himself, then why bother?
Also, and this is a WHOLE different bag of worms: Why do people have no problem letting their child pick a religion? In fact, those who actually baptize and want to raise their child in a certain faith are more often than not looked down upon for being so 'old fashion' and those who let their child pick are so trendy. Do you wait until your child shows interest in books before you read to them? Do you wait to let them pick their own taste in music or do you sing to them and play for them what you prefer? I just don't get this trend in 'we are going to let the child decide if they want to be part of a church or not'.
Exactly.
We are having our lo baptized, and I know some people feel that it is wrong to baptize a child who can't give consent. The way I look at it is, a baptism is just the parents making a statement of how they intend to raise their child(to know god, or to live in his way trying to do good.) It is done publicly to call on the support of your community(family and friends) and to be a public commitment to god from the parents alone. You can argue that it mean something else, but in reality that is all it means. The child will be it's own person and eventually make his or her own choices. All the parent gets to choose is how they raise them. So no, I would have no problem with what you have in mind.
I find this part offensive -- not all Christian denominations are are against these things.
The baptism part seems a little weird too me. The thing that that Christians have in common is a belief in Jesus, but agnostics neither belief or disbelief in God. Why baptise him in a faith you don't believe in?
Why not look for a Christian denomination that fits you and your husbands values? Or look into a church like Unitarianism that accepts different faiths.
Thanks for the opinions everyone. Glad to see I wouldn't offend most people.
I don't believe I need a baptism to raise my son as a Christian and to be a good person but I'm willing to compromise because it is so important to our families. I know people think you shouldn't compromise about something so important, or baptize your child just to appease others, but I'm not against the idea and would have raised him as a Christian anyway. I'm not going to 'hurt' his grandmothers by denying them his baptism if it is important to them (they were both quite upset at the idea). Also, while I know Baptists don't baptize children, his mother was attending a different church when her boys were young and they were all baptized as children- it was important to her.
I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not and baptize him in a church. We also had our wedding outdoors because I feel like God is more present in nature than in a man-made building (just my belief- I respect others who believe differently).
This. I don't know of any Baptist churches that baptize infants; it's considered a very important decision for the child to make when they're old enough. Because of its significance, a "mock baptism" would offend me somewhat.
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I've had some moments where I felt like I would benefit from attending church again and the sense of community and support. When I researched every church in my city I could not find a single one who though living together before marriage was not a 'sin' and only one (The United Church of Canada) who didn't feel homosexuality was a 'sin'.
I actually just looked up the definition of agnostic to refresh my memory - for some reason, I had it in my mind that it meant "Someone who believes in God but does not practice any organized religion"- oops. . . sorry for my confusion. I believe in Christianity in general- I just have never found a church that I would not feel hypocritical attending.
My child will be taught the 'warm fuzzy' aspects of Christianity: treat people the way you want to be treated, forgive people, "Jesus loves the little children" etc. Those are the parts of the Bible that I believe in.