mixed feelings

mzsparklepdx · July 2011

My DH has been was laid off from his architecture job 2 1/2 years ago and hasn't been able to find anything since. He's only had 5 interviews in all that time. He does web design as a consultant and is actually doing pretty well with it. We're doing fine, as long as I work full-time.

He had an interview at an architecture firm yesterday. He interviewed and was a finalist at the same firm about a year ago. It's looking like he has good odds to get hired, which would be great for steady income, his benefits being cheaper and I most likely could work part-time. BUT.......the job is in Salem, over an hour's commute away. And he would still have to do some side web work so he doesn't lose his great clients.

I have such mixed feelings about this. I have wanted him to get a "real job" for SO long. I know he wants to get back into architecture because it's his passion and chosen career field. And I really, REALLY want to stay home with DD. But if he's commuting 2-3 hours a day and working at home on the side, I will hardly ever see him.

So I get to be a (mostly) SAHM, which I've wished and dreamed for, but I'll basically be a single parent and have to deal with DD, the house, daycare, cooking, etc. all by myself.

Of course, it all depends on whether he gets the job, but I just don't know whether I hope he gets it or not.

2BlackCats · July 2011

Sorry, you are feeling this way, I am sure it will be just as hard on your DH. I hope that things work out for the best for you both. Most times, the things we want come with a price, but you have to determine if the pros of the situation out-weigh the cons. Only you and your DH can decide this. Be grateful that you have an opprotunity to be home with your LO.

I am not looking forward to my 90-minute commute when I go back to work. I've been looking for something closer, but it's just not in the cards right now. I think I need to start playing the lottery!!!

Good luck to your DH!

EJChapman123 · July 2011

Doesn't it stink how most good things in life are bitter sweet?

It sounds like if he gets this job, he is taking it - the question is just whether or not you are happy about it.

My DH works close by, and doesn't do anything on the side, but I will say at least half the year, he works from about 9am to 8 or 9pm at night. Sometimes until midnight. Yesterday, for instance, he left at 8:30am and got home at 11pm. Because he works so hard I get to stay home with DD, and I love it. I miss him terribly, and I wish he could see her more often during the week, but being able to be home with her is invaluable to us.

I am not going to lie, its hard sometimes, but its totally worth it and we get by just fine. We also know that this will not be the situation forever. I think you can take that view as well. Its easier to find a job when you have a job (maybe he can keep looking locally), and who knows, other factors may change in the future too. If it is intolerable, he can always leave and go back doing more web design consulting. Nothing is permenant.

Good luck to your DH, I hope that whatever happens makes you both happy

msdonnas · July 2011

My dh works 5 to 5-one month am to pm, the next pm to am. The night shift sucks because he gets home, sleeps and gets up at 3:30 and that is when lo is asleep. It sucks. Bad. It's 60 hours a week plus about 1.5 hours total of commuting. That being said, I get to stay home. It's hard, really hard on our relationship, but it's totally worth it. Some days I don't shower, the dishes are never done, we eat a lot of crappy food that I can eat fast and make with one hand. But I get to see my son's first everything. Being a stay at home mom is worth it to us, I get that for some people its not, and I have no judgement there. Working parents work just as hard and sacrifice just as much (and still raise their kids-i hate it when sahm's imply daycase raises kids). If you want to stay home I think you'll find it worth it. And find ways to ensure when your husband is home that you have quality time.

brandioohoo · July 2011

msdonnas:
Working parents work just as hard and sacrifice just as much (and still raise their kids-i hate it when sahm's imply daycase raises kids). .

thank you for that!

Heather & Nayt · July 2011

Oh that is a mixed bag for sure! Can you move closer to Salem? (Your in PDX right? Maybe to Willsonville or Woodburn where it's pretty much a 30 minute drive without lame traffic?)

Also, will he be stuck in Salem for ever or is there a way he can transfer later on? Because if it isn't a forever thing, doing it for a year or so wouldn't be bad. It would be a lot of work, but in the end it may be worth it. My DH works close to 60 hours a week so I rarely see him, and I won't lie, it's hard feeling like you are doing it alone.

Good luck either way !

mzsparklepdx · July 2011

When DH was a finalist for this job a year ago (pre-baby, of course), we decided he would do the commute for a year and then we would see about moving. We own our house so it's not so easy to just pick up and move. But we could possibly rent out this place and buy/rent another somewhere in the middle.

I would give just about anything to stay home with DD. Except maybe our relationship. Man, being a grownup can be so hard and complicated sometimes!

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