Question for moms with babies on monitors

katie4253 · July 2011

Do you hear beeping when it isn't there? I get jolted out of my sleep pretty often by what I think is beeping. I run into his room only to find him sleeping fine and the alarm has obviously not gone off (no red lights).

The other thing that happens is, if he sleeps any longer than 3 hrs, I wake up in a panic that somehow his monitor got turned off and that I will walk into his room and he will be dead. It is pretty terrible.

Does stuff like this happen to you? I feel like I am going crazy. It is really traumatizing.

I also have dreams that he is in our bed and gets smothered. Which, really, is insane because he is NEVER in our bed.

urbanflowerpot · July 2011

Oh, gosh, no...I don't have any of this

He's been home for exactly two months now (minus 8 days when he went back to NICU) - so that's two months of monitor and not sure if you remember but he was having about a dozen [very real!!!] bradys per day. Now we are down to about 1-3/day. I sometimes want to demolish the monitor and when a leed is off and it's just one long, loud beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep I feel dizzy. It's so loud it makes me feel sick to my tummy. Last week they gave us the OK to take him off of it during the daytime, so finally he's not tied to an anchor. I used to have sad spells & occassional dream that I'd never know what it was like to just walk around the house with my baby. That I'd miss his entire infanthood because of that thing dictating where/what we'd do. I think I sleep better with it, though, because for all the hassle I know I'm lucky to have it at night.

katie4253 · July 2011

urbanflowerpot:
Oh, gosh, no...I don't have any of this He's been home for exactly two months now (minus 8 days when he went back to NICU) - so that's two months of monitor and not sure if you remember but he was having about a dozen [very real!!!] bradys per day. Now we are down to about 1-3/day. I sometimes want to demolish the monitor and when a leed is off and it's just one long, loud beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep I feel dizzy. It's so loud it makes me feel sick to my tummy. Last week they gave us the OK to take him off of it during the daytime, so finally he's not tied to an anchor. I used to have sad spells & occassional dream that I'd never know what it was like to just walk around the house with my baby. That I'd miss his entire infanthood because of that thing dictating where/what we'd do. I think I sleep better with it, though, because for all the hassle I know I'm lucky to have it at night.

I was hoping you would respond. I think I may be suffering from PTSD. This is just one of the things that has been happening. There are other things too. Mostly related to him or H dying. I think I may need to start seeing someone about it. It isn't so horrible that it is effecting my every day life in an extreme way, but I'm afraid it will get worse. I am very prone to anxiety/depression/etc. So, I'm thinking this may be the case...

urbanflowerpot · July 2011

katie4253:

urbanflowerpot:
Oh, gosh, no...I don't have any of this He's been home for exactly two months now (minus 8 days when he went back to NICU) - so that's two months of monitor and not sure if you remember but he was having about a dozen [very real!!!] bradys per day. Now we are down to about 1-3/day. I sometimes want to demolish the monitor and when a leed is off and it's just one long, loud beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep I feel dizzy. It's so loud it makes me feel sick to my tummy. Last week they gave us the OK to take him off of it during the daytime, so finally he's not tied to an anchor. I used to have sad spells & occassional dream that I'd never know what it was like to just walk around the house with my baby. That I'd miss his entire infanthood because of that thing dictating where/what we'd do. I think I sleep better with it, though, because for all the hassle I know I'm lucky to have it at night.

I was hoping you would respond. I think I may be suffering from PTSD. This is just one of the things that has been happening. There are other things too. Mostly related to him or H dying. I think I may need to start seeing someone about it. It isn't so horrible that it is effecting my every day life in an extreme way, but I'm afraid it will get worse. I am very prone to anxiety/depression/etc. So, I'm thinking this may be the case...

It does sound that way - seems to be what they tell you to look for in PTSD. The whole time I was pg I saw a therapist, but I was on welfare so the minute he was born they set up six weeks until insurance cut-off (for me, not him, which is why I can't go anymore). My psychiatrist was my therapist, too, and specializes in pg women. I was high-risk for PPD, but didn't get that. I do have PTSD, but it's mainly associated with the fire we had - I was still in shock from that when I had him so it's one long blur. I have TONS of crazy things related to that! Like what you're describing about the monitor, etc, especially thinking about my cats dying The images just play in the background all day - and straight into my dreams.

Please feel free to drop me a line whenever - I imagine we'll all have a bumpy year through their first birthdays, but then it should ease up...right? Hopefully!

mcarter127 · July 2011

DS was on a monitor for a very long time (til 15 months) & I COMPLETELY know what you are saying! I would say that I heard "alarms" that weren't there on a regular basis for the first 4-6 wks we were home. I also had those moments where I'd fly out of bed thinking his monitor must have shut itself off, even though in reality that had never happened. After the first few nights where I drove myself nuts, I moved DS back into our room (sleeping in the RNP) & placed the monitor on my bedside table so that I could see the reading all the time. I am a super light sleeper but I felt better just being able to quickly glance at the monitor & know everything was working properly. I still woke up hearing imaginary alarms but I was able to settle down a lot quicker with the monitor right there than I could when he was in a different room. Eventually, when I was ready, I moved him back into his room. However, we have a video monitor so I set one of the cameras up so I could see the monitor on it. When I would wake up in the middle of the night I could just look at the monitor & know he was ok & the monitor was doing it's job! EVERY single feeling you described takes me back to those moments. When you can get rid of the monitor, it will be great BUT it is really hard to be without it because it becomes a safety net for sure! Have you had very many false alarms with your monitor? The first one we had went off constantly & that definitely added to my anxiety. If yours is then definitely call your home care company to see if they can come out & look at it. I hope that helps! Good luck & congrats on LO being home!

Cara03 · July 2011

When LO was on the monitor this happened to me, too. I think I was dreaming that the monitor was alarming and then woke up scared, but really there had been no alarm. I also got that same thing with crying. Wake up thinking baby was crying but it must have all been in my dreams. I had very frequent images and phrases repeating in my mind from the hospitalization and NICU time and was diagnosed with PTSD eventually. I also had some pretty weird and scary thoughts. I eventually found an excellent counselor who has helped me so, so much. Good luck. You are not alone!

TriciaJoy · July 2011

Yes, to all of that. Or something like the phone would ring, but I'd wake up thinking it was the alarm and freak out.

After he got off the monitor, I still had reactions.. in a restaurant once, I could hear a beeping (probably something in the kitchen) and I got that same panic feeling.

I do think it's a post traumatic response. It has eased with time (My son is 3 now) but it definitely lasted a LONG time.

Rachie_B · July 2011

Sophia rarely set off her monitor. She had a couple of brady's the first week we brought her home and then again after eye exams. I would "hear" the monitor all the time, even though it wasn't going off. Sophia is off the monitor during the day and only sleeps with it at night (transitioning out of it this week). Even though I know she isn't on it during the day, I'll hear something on the TV and freak out. I get that sick feeling in my stomach. I know she is fine, she hasn't had an alarm in over a month.

I think we all suffer from slight PTSD at varying levels. I know this too will pass.

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