Annoyed with peoples response for giving birth natural!

spinneli2 · July 2011

Hello everyone I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my third child and I have decided to go natural with no pain meds. I had epidural with my first and second children and just feel that it didnt really work and then while revieving the epidural with my second child I just had an extremely painful experience. And I never want to feel that again.

Anyway I guess Im on here because I was wondering if anyone else literally gets laughed at when they tell someone they are going natural??? Co-workers say I'm crazy, one in particular said she had an emergency c-section in which she remembers NOTHING no pain or anything and she still had the nerve to say something must be wrong with me. I'm like how can you say that when you have no memory of your experience, good or bad????

My cousin said "ha ha yeah good luck with that", today at my ultrasound the lady said "no meds!!!! wow not trying to discourage you but you know with each pregnancy the baby gets bigger and bigger and your on your 3rd" .........so I'm like what the crap! can I get no support from anyone. My husband doesnt really have much to say either way, I guess because hes going to be there for me regardless and is ok with whatever path I choose. Its just so annoying that EVERY response I get is like I'm insane or just stupid for wanting to do it how it should be done. Does anyone else go through this??

holly321 · July 2011

I had to have a c section with dd, but really wanted to give birth naturally/meds free. I always got negative responses, and it drove me nuts. Stuff like, "why do it with all the technology they have today", and "good luck with that".

I would respond with the fact it is better for the baby, and I wanted to avoid back pain. which everyone would of course saying how it never hurts the baby, and never causes back pain.

Well, it is 4 months later, and my back still hurts really bad. I really hope to go natural /meds free next time around.

Sharon21 · July 2011

I have had two natural births and got some negative comments both times. I found it especially annoying the second time because I had already done it once so obviously I was capable. The most common thing people said was "why wouldn't you want an epidural" to which I would respond "why would I" (in the same condescending tone they used) and that would shut them up.

StefaniePace · July 2011

Sharon21:
I have had two natural births and got some negative comments both times. I found it especially annoying the second time because I had already done it once so obviously I was capable. The most common thing people said was "why wouldn't you want an epidural" to which I would respond "why would I" (in the same condescending tone they used) and that would shut them up.

I love your daughter's shirt! Where did you get that? Its amazing. Also i hate when people say "dont try to be wonder woman" I am not! I am trying to let my body do what it was meant to do!

raeski2008 · July 2011

I'm 22 weeks pregnant and have decided to go natural. The most annoying comment for me is when people say "You'll change your mind when it's time" while kind of chuckling at me, as if I have not thought this through. I believe if you are dedicated to having a natural childbirth and have learned relaxation techniques etc, you will be fine. Just try not to let the comments bother you too much, it is the healthiest way to go for a number of reasons and above all, it is your decision. I will be happy when I have my baby though and I can tell all those naysayers I did it

Sharon21 · July 2011

StefaniePace:
Sharon21:
I have had two natural births and got some negative comments both times. I found it especially annoying the second time because I had already done it once so obviously I was capable. The most common thing people said was "why wouldn't you want an epidural" to which I would respond "why would I" (in the same condescending tone they used) and that would shut them up.
I love your daughter's shirt! Where did you get that? Its amazing. Also i hate when people say "dont try to be wonder woman" I am not! I am trying to let my body do what it was meant to do!

Thanks! I think I got it at Target.

Timshel17 · July 2011

It is annoying, but the best thing to do is to just not tell people your plans. If they ask, and really push, you could tell them, but other than that, if they don't ask, don't tell them. If someone says to me "Are you getting an epidural?" I just say "We'll see.". And then a lot of the time, they'll give some unsolicited advice "You'll want the epidural.." "Oh yeah, you're going to get it," or whatever.. I just nod and smile. You don't need their negative comments, it's best to just brush it off and then after you do it, be proud and tell whoever you want!

bre86ann · July 2011

Most people don't know that I'm going med free. If they specifically ask then I tell them.

I had a c-section with DD so I do get a lot of people asking when my c-section is scheduled for but I just let them know we're not going the c-section route this time. There were special circumstances surrounding her birth that required a c-section. No one really asks any further than that and I don't share any more than that.

maggie515 · July 2011

When people give me that look or share their anti comments, they leave with an earfull. I unload on to them. I dont want their opinion on it ,so i give them mine whether they want it or not. I love to start with an opining line like "Because every intervention and augmentation during labor raises your chances of a c section" and it snowballs from there, after that they know better. Besides how would those ass hats know what it felt like, they HAD THE DRUGS SO THEY WOULDNT FEEL THE PAIN. the wimps start out with two little early labor cramps and they may as well have been birthing a whale by their description of it.. Sheesh!

~whew, glad i got that off my chest, but really sometimes its best to not tell anyone anything untill you can say that you did, it rather than that you are trying for it. and be confident in your self. its amazing and you can do it. youll never regret it! Good luck ((Hugs))

perplexed59 · July 2011

I wish I could give you all some of my friends and family. Hardly anyone I know had and epi unless it was medically needed or until after 20 plus hours of active labour. Most people had more concerns about me having a home birth (usually safety related). If someone was to tell me that I should take an epi I was going to say something about me not taking drugs all pregnancy so why would I start right before the baby was born.

chicsub · July 2011

I never really discussed it, but it kind of came up when people assumed I'd be having a repeat c/s. I would just say "I'm hoping to avoid another surgery" and there was really no argument in that. I think calling a c/s surgery vs. c/s put things in perspective a little bit. Otherwise I feel like it's easier to discuss it after you've done it b/c a lot of people go into it wanting to go med-free and it doesn't happen for one reason or another. Plus people try to discourage you and who needs that? So I guess I don't really know what people would have said b/c I kind of kept my mouth shut during my pregnancies.

StefandTodd · July 2011

Every time I see one of these posts, I wonder what kind of reaction people are expecting when they willy-nilly tell people they're planning a natural birth?!...co-workers know? I can't imagine discussing something like that with my co-workers?!...Anyway, just don't talk about it. You don't have anything to prove or have any reason to announce what your plans are. I've had a few people ask me point blank, and to them I say, "yes I'm planning and hoping for a natural, med-free birth"...sometimes I still get the, "ha! Good luck with that!" reaction, but eh...that kind of stuff just makes me feel like I'll be even more determined to do it b/c of the comments. I'd avoid telling everyone about your plans, and try to use the negative comments as motivation to become even more prepared for the birth you want. GL.

alliapistor · July 2011

I usually describe it as "our plan" and "we understand that things may change when the time comes." But then go on to tell them how our friend had planned all along to have an epidural and it didn't work for her and she was totally unprepared and I don't want to be in that situation. That usually shuts them up. But I don't volunteer it unless asked. It's the condescending tone that bothers me most.

My BFFs both think that I'm crazy. But we just laugh about it.

Sharon21 · July 2011

StefandTodd:
Every time I see one of these posts, I wonder what kind of reaction people are expecting when they willy-nilly tell people they're planning a natural birth?!...co-workers know? I can't imagine discussing something like that with my co-workers?!...Anyway, just don't talk about it. You don't have anything to prove or have any reason to announce what your plans are. I've had a few people ask me point blank, and to them I say, "yes I'm planning and hoping for a natural, med-free birth"...sometimes I still get the, "ha! Good luck with that!" reaction, but eh...that kind of stuff just makes me feel like I'll be even more determined to do it b/c of the comments. I'd avoid telling everyone about your plans, and try to use the negative comments as motivation to become even more prepared for the birth you want. GL.

I'm sorry but this drives me nuts! If someone is interested or tells me about how great their epi was why shouldn't I tell them about my experience or what I am planning? I am DAMN PROUD of my accomplishment and enjoy sharing it with other people so they know that it is possible and was a good experience.

The silence is part of the problem. The reason people react that way is because we are the minority and a lot of the women that give birth natural don't talk about it. When you tell people not to talk about something it implies that it is "bad". If you don't want to share your choices with others that is fine but don't tell women to not talk about it, that only makes the situation worse.

Kristinmo · July 2011

Sharon21:

StefandTodd:
Every time I see one of these posts, I wonder what kind of reaction people are expecting when they willy-nilly tell people they're planning a natural birth?!...co-workers know? I can't imagine discussing something like that with my co-workers?!...Anyway, just don't talk about it. You don't have anything to prove or have any reason to announce what your plans are. I've had a few people ask me point blank, and to them I say, "yes I'm planning and hoping for a natural, med-free birth"...sometimes I still get the, "ha! Good luck with that!" reaction, but eh...that kind of stuff just makes me feel like I'll be even more determined to do it b/c of the comments. I'd avoid telling everyone about your plans, and try to use the negative comments as motivation to become even more prepared for the birth you want. GL.

I'm sorry but this drives me nuts! If someone is interested or tells me about how great their epi was why shouldn't I tell them about my experience or what I am planning? I am DAMN PROUD of my accomplishment and enjoy sharing it with other people so they know that it is possible and was a good experience.

The silence is part of the problem. The reason people react that way is because we are the minority and a lot of the women that give birth natural don't talk about it. When you tell people not to talk about something it implies that it is "bad". If you don't want to share your choices with others that is fine but don't tell women to not talk about it, that only makes the situation worse.

Afterwards is 100% fine. It's when people are pg that I don't understand it. You either leave yourself open to unsolicited advice or if you do end up with pain meds lots of "I told you so's"

GoldenPeaches · July 2011

Some of the few people I've told my plans were less than supportive.

The stupidest response? "You're going to be begging for the epidural." Um, obviously not, because my birthing location doesn't even have them there. Haha.

seethesmiles · July 2011

I never brought the subject up with people and no one really asked, either. I had a few people ask after I gave birth and I was honest and didn't elaborate and just ignored any negative comments.

I also wanted to say that each subsequent baby does NOT necessary have to be bigger than the one before. My second baby was over a pound smaller than my first. Don't listen to your ultrasound tech!

Lotzodotz · July 2011

I don't tell people, it's a private matter. After the fact I will share, but it's such an intimate thing, I can't imagine anyone asking me how my baby is coming out of my body.

catie333 · July 2011

in the beginning i told people but I quickly learned that nearly NO ONE you say it to is supportive or positive. I stopped mentioning it and the negativity haulted.

StefandTodd · July 2011

Kristinmo:
Sharon21:

StefandTodd:
Every time I see one of these posts, I wonder what kind of reaction people are expecting when they willy-nilly tell people they're planning a natural birth?!...co-workers know? I can't imagine discussing something like that with my co-workers?!...Anyway, just don't talk about it. You don't have anything to prove or have any reason to announce what your plans are. I've had a few people ask me point blank, and to them I say, "yes I'm planning and hoping for a natural, med-free birth"...sometimes I still get the, "ha! Good luck with that!" reaction, but eh...that kind of stuff just makes me feel like I'll be even more determined to do it b/c of the comments. I'd avoid telling everyone about your plans, and try to use the negative comments as motivation to become even more prepared for the birth you want. GL.
I'm sorry but this drives me nuts! If someone is interested or tells me about how great their epi was why shouldn't I tell them about my experience or what I am planning? I am DAMN PROUD of my accomplishment and enjoy sharing it with other people so they know that it is possible and was a good experience.
The silence is part of the problem. The reason people react that way is because we are the minority and a lot of the women that give birth natural don't talk about it. When you tell people not to talk about something it implies that it is "bad". If you don't want to share your choices with others that is fine but don't tell women to not talk about it, that only makes the situation worse.

Afterwards is 100% fine. It's when people are pg that I don't understand it. You either leave yourself open to unsolicited advice or if you do end up with pain meds lots of "I told you so's"

Yes, this is absolutely what I meant. Before actually having a med-free birth, talking to people who may be unsupportive about it is only setting yourself up for the "oh just wait and see!"s. The OP was saying she's annoyed with people's responses...so I stand by my opinion that she needs to not talk about it until after she's done it, unless she WANTS to talk about it...and continue to be annoyed by it. In which case, I don't think she'd be posting about it here asking for advice on how to make it stop.

Adelvise Girl · July 2011

Hey cute girl!

I was happy to find your post. I just sat down to write an article on my blog about this very topic and happened upon your post. First, let me assure you that you are NOT alone in your position. I had all three of my babies "Natural" and let me tell you I got a lot of skeptical, rude, and obnoxious comments from people. My delivery room nurse acutally smirked at me when she found out I wasn't going to use drugs. It was so disrespectful. I almost asked for a new nurse.

But, the fact of the matter is that you are a woman. And guess what? Women were created to give birth. Your body knows how to birth your baby just as it knew how to grow your baby. There is nothing more natural than birth. If you desire a natural childbirth, you are fully capable of following through. Women are so powerful. It is sad that our culture has turned birth into a scary and out of control experience. You will love the empowerment you will feel after birthing your child and being fully present for the entire process.

Try not to let the skeptics get you down. Be proud of your decision and your connection with your true power!

I have a website www.growhappybabies.com. We offer a pregnancy and labor download that women can use to prepare for a natural childbirth. It is extremely helpful for building confidence in your own abilities to have a Natural Childbirth. Feel free to check it out. And...if you want even more info on "becoming your own cheerleader" check out the blog next week. I am going to address this issue further.

Natural Childbirth Girl

pinksweetpea2 · July 2011

Adelvise Girl:
Hey cute girl!
I was happy to find your post. I just sat down to write an article on my blog about this very topic and happened upon your post. First, let me assure you that you are NOT alone in your position. I had all three of my babies "Natural" and let me tell you I got a lot of skeptical, rude, and obnoxious comments from people. My delivery room nurse acutally smirked at me when she found out I wasn't going to use drugs. It was so disrespectful. I almost asked for a new nurse.
But, the fact of the matter is that you are a woman. And guess what? Women were created to give birth. Your body knows how to birth your baby just as it knew how to grow your baby. There is nothing more natural than birth. If you desire a natural childbirth, you are fully capable of following through. Women are so powerful. It is sad that our culture has turned birth into a scary and out of control experience. You will love the empowerment you will feel after birthing your child and being fully present for the entire process.

Try not to let the skeptics get you down. Be proud of your decision and your connection with your true power!
I have a website www.growhappybabies.com. We offer a pregnancy and labor download that women can use to prepare for a natural childbirth. It is extremely helpful for building confidence in your own abilities to have a Natural Childbirth. Feel free to check it out. And...if you want even more info on "becoming your own cheerleader" check out the blog next week. I am going to address this issue further.

Natural Childbirth Girl

Reported.

Solicitation is against bump rules. Please take your website somewhere else.

fyziksgirl · July 2011

Heck, I just got slammed for mentioning I would be changing providers after my OB said many things to me at a pre-conception visit including, "Sure you can have a birth plan as long as you don't insist on following it. Mothers who want to follow their birth plan ALWAYS end up with c-sections," over on the TTGP board (I'm not pregnant yet, but am definitely planning to go natural, I had to hop over here to get some encouragement since everyone came out of the woodwork to tell me what an idiot I was and how the doctor was the professional and would run everything and know what was best and I should shut up and do whatever they wanted, grrrr). Anyway, I'd highly recommend getting a copy of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and just reading through the first half of the book over and over. It is a bunch of stories of natural births, and reading all the success and relaxed-ness and happiness regarding it is uplifting when you're surrounding by negativity in real life!

If you're worried your husband isn't really on board with you, I'd also consider hiring a doula, or finding a friend whose thoughts are very in line with yours to encourage you to stick with what you want. My hubby *is* totally on board (he wanted me to go natural before I did!) but I'm still considering hiring one, just because it's a big deal for him, too, and expecting him to have it all together and be able to support me as I need might be a wee bit unrealistic. We'll see how I feel about the midwife I end up with and what her thoughts are :-)

Good luck, and I don't think you're crazy! :-)

Bluescarf · July 2011

For myself I didn't talk of my plans unless someone specifically asked me. Then I woud say "why do you ask?" Some people are genuinely curious and for those that were itching to say something negative it sort of throws them off.

ameliagaul · July 2011

Yeah, I've heard stories from other women who are at the hospital in labor, and the nurses assigned to them aren't even supportive of their desires for natural birth. This kinda scares me, as I don't know what kind of state I'm going to be in when I am actually there, and I really don't want to feel like I am going to have to fight with my nurse just to be allowed to have the kind of birth I want and I feel like they should be supportive of whatever mom wants. Anyone have any tips on getting a good rapport going with the nurse (ie, getting them to respect your birth plan)? I understand I will be spending much more time with nurses than with my doctor, which concerns me because while my doc and I have discussed my wishes and he is very supportive, I will not have met the nurses at all beforehand, so I guess it's kind of the luck of the draw.

indytara · July 2011

StefandTodd:
Kristinmo:
Sharon21:

StefandTodd:
Every time I see one of these posts, I wonder what kind of reaction people are expecting when they willy-nilly tell people they're planning a natural birth?!...co-workers know? I can't imagine discussing something like that with my co-workers?!...Anyway, just don't talk about it.
I am DAMN PROUD of my accomplishment and enjoy sharing it with other people so they know that it is possible and was a good experience.
Afterwards is 100% fine. It's when people are pg that I don't understand it. You either leave yourself open to unsolicited advice or if you do end up with pain meds lots of "I told you so's"
Yes, this is absolutely what I meant. Before actually having a med-free birth, talking to people who may be unsupportive about it is only setting yourself up for the "oh just wait and see!"s. The OP was saying she's annoyed with people's responses...so I stand by my opinion that she needs to not talk about it until after she's done it, unless she WANTS to talk about it...and continue to be annoyed by it. In which case, I don't think she'd be posting about it here asking for advice on how to make it stop.

Bold #1: Completely agree. I do not talk about it. When people ask if I plan to get an epi...I just say, "well, we are going to wait and see what happens. I've never had a baby before." And that usually keeps things cool. I'm not saying I'm going natural...but I'm not opening myself to any criticism or unsolicited advice either.

Bold #2: You should be proud, but you are talking about it AFTER THE FACT, which is much easier than if you are saying you are going to go med free without ever doing it before.

Bold #3: Agree. Agree. Agree.

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