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How "wrong" am I?
My g-parents are pretty young for their age. When the girls were born, they were not allowed to see or meet the girls until they were 6 weeks old, but after that it was an open invitation. During the 111 day stay, they came 1 time to the hospital. They live 3 minutes from my house and in 8 months they have never come to my house to see the girls. DH and I work opposite shifts to avoid daycare and so I am home alone with the girls Monday-Friday from 4-12. Not once have they offered to help. They have asked that I get the girls ready and bring them over in inclemate weather (horrible heat, rain, etc) to pick something up or to bring them something. They keep the only other great grand child (she is 4) at least 1 sometimes 2 nights and 2 days a week. They have never once offered to keep one or both of my girls even for 30 minutes so I could go to the store, nap, or shower. The excuse is my g-ma's knee is bad. I would feel like a jerk for being mad at their behavior but again she keeps my 4 year old cousin and the woman goes on all these trips. She went to Charelston NC last week and walked around to all the shops. She goes on multiple weekly shopping binges at Ross and Kohls.
So, I am haboring poor feelings still. My grandma has now decided she wants to get the knee replaced and expects us all to swoon over. My feelings are that she didnt even come to the hospital when Ella was 2 lbs and having heart surgery, then why should I come to the hospital for a routine knee replacement?
Am I in the wrong for feeling that way? My siblings think I am being too hard on them because they are old and wont be around forever. But if they dont show cause and concern for me, then why return the favor?
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Re: How "wrong" am I?
I don't think you're "wrong". I do think that some people can't handle preemies - or hospitals - or whatever - and they'll cling to any excuse to avoid directly saying something like "Hospitals make me uncomfortable, they remind me of the time X happened" or "The girls are so little and they've been through so much that I'm afraid of having anything happen to them on my watch."
My dad is 65 and he loves Kevin but he's still afraid to do much of anything with him so I have to break him in. It doesn't sound like your g-parents are even giving you that opportunity though.
If it were me, I'd resent the seeming snubs but I'd also go visit grandmom in the hospital.
I agree with the PP's...also, twins can make people nervous, too (my brothers are twins).
You aren't wrong for feeling how you do...I'd be hurt & upset. Some people will never grasp those emotions, though. I am going through a situation with my DB & FI - they aren't acting as I would - I don't think it's 'fair.' We just have to hold our heads up and act the way we'd like to be treated anyway. IMHO. I'm sorry for this situation
One thing I've learned through this preemie process is that "I gotta just do me".
My cousin, god bless her, hasn't really been all that fabulous with my pregnancy (we had the same due date). I have done more to acknowledge her pregnancy than she did mine. H was a little bitter about it for awhile. I just told him "I gotta do me" and "me" means that I send presents when people I love have babies and "me" also doesn't expect gifts in return. Does it sting a little that she didn't even spell his name right? Yeah. But, I can't let that change who I am.
So, no, you aren't wrong for feeling how you are. They are YOUR feelings and you certainly don't need to justify them to anyone. However, you have to remember, that you need to do whatever it takes to make you feel like you are doing the right thing. Also, think ahead 25-30 years. What advice would you give your kiddos about this situation if they came to you? Something tells me that you would probably tell them to visit their grandparents in the hospital.
I'll be thinking of you!
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
Ditto this, while they were in the hospital, the "preemieness" could have freaked them out, and now they could be a little intimidated by the thought of caring for young twins. Or, you never know, maybe they feel like they're being taken advantage of by the cousin's family and feel they can't say anything, but don't want to get into a similar situation again by babysitting your kids. It's tough to know true motivations, and it's too bad people don't just say what they're thinking more often. Anyway, it would upset me, but in the long run, I think I'd just follow the golden rule. Things may change when the girls get a little older/more independent, too.