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Nephew stealing...what would you do?
A little background on my nephew Jake...there is something different about him. Not really sure what it is but he is basically the youngest child from the show The Middle. (I've only seen one episode do I don't know his name).
While at the beach he kept trying to watch Ridge go to the bathroom and wanted to watch me change Colton. Sick. And he kept sneaking in our room when he thought we were asleep. He threatened to hit Ridge over the head with a baseball bat and then lied about it when I was right in the next room and heard him. He also walks around singing REALLY loud almost the entire time. And he kept brushing his hands over my butt and trying to feel my legs. CREEPY. And his parents do nothing about it. When I finally said something his Mom snapped at me (she is crazy too). He is 7 1/2.
We all went to Charleston one evening. We went into a store and they had barrels of candy. I saw him pocket some Jolly Ranchers. Because his Mom is so snappy I didn't say anything right there...plus he just pushed Colton to the floor after he pocketed the candy so I was dealing with a crying baby.
Would you mention this to her or let it fly?
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Re: Nephew stealing...what would you do?
i wouldn't let it fly; i would mention it. he's family so it's appropriate and necessary, whether she wants to hear it or not. due to his age, i'm wondering if he's seeing something at home?????
the singing and thievery is probably not related and just something some kids might do. he DEFINITELY needs to be checked on the spot for stealing because that will probably only escalate.
For the sake of the child, I would mention something to the parents. He sounds like he needs some sort of professional help. It is a hard conversation to have, so I can't imagine what I would say or how to begin the conversation. Good luck whatever your decision may be!
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I would relate it back to concern for your children. Because your nephew is older, he is a role model (for good or bad) for your sons, and unless the parents intervene to correct their son's obvious behavioral issues, I would tell them that you're not comfortable having your sons around him.
At his age, it's not the child's fault, but it's the parents' responsibility to deal with it (for his own sake) rather than turn a blind eye, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for them.
is there a way you can talk to his dad about it? the fact that his mom gets so defensive and snappy makes me think that she knows there's problems and is either choosing to ignore it or doesn't think it's really an issue.
But yeah the leg/butt touching and always wanting to be in there while changing/going to the bathroom would creep me out. You're probably already doing this but I wouldn't ever leave my kids alone with him, that would make me very uncomfortable.
Unfortunately we and other people have mentioned the other things about him and him just not being 100% normal...not to pick on him or say he is different but I think he needs additional help than what they are providing. They get VERY defensive. MIL and her sister have both brought it up and it didn't go well.
I guess I'm wondering about the stealing....would you say something?
No way will I leave him alone with my kids.
Depending on how combative I felt that day I would have either (A) not touched that sh!t with a 10 foot pole or (B) I would have said "Jake, we have to pay for candy before we can put it in our pockets."
As far as him touching you or wanting to watch you change Colton or look at Ridge, honestly, I have heard that kind of stuff is pretty normal for a kid his age and a little older. His body is probably starting to change and hopefully it is just innocent curiosity about development. Maybe not, but hopefully.
My thoughts exactly. I think that since you didn't say anything at the time of the theft, bringing it up now isn't so helpful. It also seems like his issues are much bigger than pocketing candy.
It seems that the sum total of all you have seen is that this kid is displaying some odd behavior that his parents are ignoring. Poor kid.
If his parents aren't acknowledging issues with his behavior, they are the problem. I dunno what to say about that - how serious do you take his behavior? It seems to me this kid needs some kind of intervention/help. But if the parents aren't acknowledging it, what do you do?
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As far as the stealing....I would have addressed it with the child at the store the very second I saw it, crying baby or not. I would have said that I saw him put candy in his pocket and that if we don't pay for things, then the police get called. I don't have a problem parenting other people's kids, especially when wrong is wrong. After that, I would have told his mom/dad that their child was stealing.
As far as the touching...I would have nipped that one too. i would have said that it wasn't appropriate manners to touch others like that and that when Ridge and Colton are using the bathroom or getting changed that they deserve to have some privacy.
It seems like the parents are in denial, and that's understandable. They are probably terrified that something is "different" with their child, but dont' quite have the strength to face it right now.
It sounds like you've approached them and have not gotten a good response from them. Maybe take it upon yourself to "guide" him in appropriate behavior in the future?