My FFFC - Having a second baby

jhenry1204 · July 2011

I am afraid that I am not as enthused about this baby. Don't get me wrong I'm super excited, but I just don't feel like it's the same this time around. I'm so caught up with running after Riley and keeping the house clean and organizing and couponing that I just feel like I'm not thinking about the inside baby as much. It almost makes me feel like I don't love this baby as much. With Riley everything was about her, even when I was going to school it was all about her. It's just not the same this time around.... nothing about my emotions is.

I really needed to get that off my chest. Thanks.

preppymama · July 2011

i feel the same way. i find myself getting more excited as time goes on, but it doesn't hold the thrill of the first pregnancy. i think that's normal. i work full-time and then have another child to take care of when i'm not at work. i definitely don't have as much time to dwell on this pregnancy as i did the first time around!

plus, i am also terrified to add another one to the family! i keep wondering, "omg, how will i find time to do everything!?" i know that's totally normal, too, but i think that adds to the feelings of being less excited this time around.

palmtreemandy · July 2011

I often feel the SAME way. I even used to get mad at myself for it. Most of the time I feel like Im cheating this baby. But then I think of it this way:

Im giving my daughter every last moment of mommy alone time she can get until this baby gets here. The inside baby doesnt know whats going on, but my outside baby would notice if I was detached from her. She will certainly notice when the new baby gets here. Later on when Adelia goes off to kindergarten, I'll have two years of mommy only time to devote to the new baby.

Also remember, you're giving Riley something only you can; the gift of a sibling. These reminders help me on days I feel guilty. I hope they help you too.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · July 2011

I'm feeling similar to that. I feel sort of sad knowing Katie won't be #1 after March roles around. I feel like I will be almost robbing her of the attention she needs and craves at this age. I'm also sort of sad that # 2 won't get the same attention that my first got when she was a baby. It's silly, I realize that but I can't help but to have some mixed feeling of how life is once again going to change.

jhenry1204 · July 2011

Thanks ladies! You all made me feel so much better. I appreciate it very much.

2-Step · July 2011

You know I have similar feelings, but it's actually been a little refreshing for me. With DS I was nervous, constantly researching the best products, worried about breast feeding and pumping, how ML would go etc. With this baby I hardly stress about anything because I feel like I've got it down already. We already have all the gear, no need to spend money or read a million books.

I totally get where you are coming from, sometimes I feel a pang of guilt that I have yet to purchase one thing for this baby and we haven't even gotten serious about names yet. With DS we had the name and tons of baby clothes the day after we had our A/S. Overall though I feel like less stress is better for the baby and this pregnancy is going by much faster, which I really like.

Try to focus on the good things about being a laid back mom who doesn't have to stress about things and know that your baby is in good hands. Sometimes I feel like DS was my "experiment baby" and feel guilty that I didn't know things I do now, so think about the benefits that baby #2 will get from your experience!

shotzie · July 2011

I think that's normal. Heck, sometimes I forget I'm even pregnant! (Except for when I feel like crap). At my first appt, the NP actually brought up this topic. She said I probably won't be thinking about the pregnancy 24/7 like I did the first time around b/c I'm busy with DD. It doesn't mean we love baby #2 any less or aren't happy to be pregnant. We just aren't able to completely focus on the pregnancy this time around. I think it just goes along with the territory. It's our first lesson in learning how to balance everything.

hcosta16 · July 2011

I was having the same feelings....but then I read this and felt a bit better on adding another little one to the family....

LOVING 2:

I walk along holding our 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how can I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't" knowing in fact that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we once shared, just we two. There are new times - only now we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you - I've given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to openly show my love to both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as I have loved you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

I love you - both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. - Author unknown

n&bcarlson · July 2011

It's completely normal- don't feel bad! Think back to before you had your first baby. Number one, the sheer amount of free time compared to post-baby leaves a lot more time for thinking. Number two, you've done this before so you're less worried about all the details. If you remember what you were actually thinking about during your first pregnancy, it wasn't just the baby. It was all the details and what you had to buy and what it was going to be like. Now you already know from experience that morning sickness will end, what you can and can't eat, how much your feet will swell, and that you can make it through labor. You've probably got a closet filled with maternity clothes already, and an attic filled with baby things just waiting to be used again. You may be using the same doctor and the same hospital as before. What you probably do have is more worry about juggling two children, and more exhaustion from chasing the one you have right now. It doesn't mean you aren't excited or won't love your new baby, but it is very different.

jhenry1204 · July 2011

hcosta16:

I was having the same feelings....but then I read this and felt a bit better on adding another little one to the family....

LOVING 2:

I walk along holding our 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how can I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't" knowing in fact that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we once shared, just we two. There are new times - only now we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you - I've given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to openly show my love to both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as I have loved you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

I love you - both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. - Author unknown

This made me cry! Thank you!

kls621 · July 2011

jhenry1204:
hcosta16:

I was having the same feelings....but then I read this and felt a bit better on adding another little one to the family....

LOVING 2:

I walk along holding our 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how can I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't" knowing in fact that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we once shared, just we two. There are new times - only now we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you - I've given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to openly show my love to both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as I have loved you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

I love you - both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. - Author unknown

This made me cry! Thank you!

Me too! Thank you for posting this. As another about to be mom to #2, I was struggling with some of the same thoughts as you all. It is nice to know that we are all in the same boat. I am going to have to print that poem out. It is beautiful.

SeaStar430 · July 2011

I could have written this. It's definitely different and I definitely feel guilty. I even worry that this new baby is stealing attention from my awesome toddler. Hoping it gets better.

rachoochoo2 · July 2011

I could have written your post myself. My whole pregnancy with dd I felt like I was on cloud 9 tip toeing through the tulips. We STC for 2 years to get her and we were ecstatic. This time we barely had to think about it and there we were pregnant again. I had figured on it taking some time again so felt unprepared. I am happy but I feel like I am going through this whole pregnancy in somewhat of a haze. I don't get a pregnancy symptom and say HURRAY I'm pregnant like I did last time. A lot of times I don't feel pregnant at all and just forget that I am. I feel kind of bad about it. I feel like we want this baby every bit as much as we wanted dd but definitely not anticipating with the same type of excitement. I somewhat envy first time mom's the pleasure and excitement I know they are feeling.

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