concerned about dh

mrshurley10 · July 2011

so after over a year of trying we got our first bfp in May. DH and i were both SOOOOOOOOO excited. then one week later i m/c at 5wk 2 days. without trying we ended up concieving again right away (literally had sex 2-3 times that whole month) Now, DH is the complete opposite of last time.... happy, but "i got a new shirt" happy not "im gonna be a dad"... i think the m/c was a lot harder on him than i had origionally thought, but at the same time, hello, i am pregnant again... BE HAPPY! i dont want to just ignore this round due to the fear that it may happen again... He says, "ill be happy when i see it, or at least when your stomach starts to grow.." all i can say is, i sure hope so.... it sucks being happy alone.

have any of you been thru a similar situation? if so, how did it turn out?

MrsMitty08 · July 2011

We m/c in December and got our second BFP in May. My husband was not over the top about it...more like in shock/denial. It wasn't that he didn't want it to happen---I think he was just of the "I'll believe it when I see it" camp. After the first ultrasound and we saw the heartbeat, he definitely showed more excitement. I know he continues to worry and so do I, and he really worries about how I have felt/am feeling (sick, m/s, etc).

Right now we are about 13w and I'm not really showing, unless I stand a certain way and stick my stomach out. I think once I am looking very much pregnant, his excitement will go to a new level again.

I think with each passing doctor's appointment and as your symptoms increase, your husband will be able to wrap his mind around this pregnancy and he'll be just as ecstatic as you expect him to be

iluvmylab · July 2011

My DH was kind of the same way. But I was sort of like that too. Until we saw a HB on a u/s, it seemed like neither one of us wanted to get too attached. Now he's talking about the baby all the time and when he tells me goodbye in the morning, he also tells baby

He'll come around. My DH would actually forget (as he says) that I was pregnant until my belly became a constant reminder. I think the m/c affected him a lot more than he showed and that's why his excitement level wasn't very high when we found out.

Eris-Alexis · July 2011

I went through something similar with my second pregnancy, although that was a different situation because my HCG wasn't increasing well and I think we both knew it wasn't going to end well. However, DH was really reluctant to even talk about it with me and that was what I wanted more than anything. We finally had a huge discussion (borderline argument) and I think he finally understood how scared I was as well and that I needed his support.

I think you need to talk to him about what you need, and hopefully he will open up about where he is at and how he is feeling. It is totally understandable for him to be scared and freaked out, and he very well may not start being excited until you are further along. You may have to accept that, but just make sure to keep the lines of communication open.

((Big HUGS))

haziedaze · July 2011

I know it's hard, but I would try to be as patient with him as possible. My guess is this is a self protection mechanism because he's afraid to lose another baby. Once you pass a few milestones or have an ultrasound he'll probably be able to let himself get excited. I don't think this means he loves this baby any less, just that his wounds are fresh and he needs a little time to adjust. It's great that you're being positive and focused on the future, that will help him along. GL!

BobbiJanay07 · July 2011

I think all the pp said it well give him time.

amu1234 · July 2011

We both went through this when we got our BFP w/ this pg. Neither of us were really over the moon about it, it was hard to believe that this would turn out ok. AFter our first u/s when we saw the baby and a hb we both got a little happier. Since then with each week that passes we seem to get a little happier. This past Monday I got to hear the hb- and I finally got the glowing happiness that I thought I should have had at the beginning. When I called DH and told him I was able to hear the happiness in his voice. I still feel very nervous but I don't think that goes away.

Just hang in there with DH. He'll come around once it's a little more tangible for him. We feel all the hormonal changes they don't. Stay positive, he'll come around. GL and Congrats

Waiting4Fred · July 2011

We had a loss in October, and we got our BFP in May (after having tried since right after the loss). While we were both excited, we were both super cautious until after the first few ultrasounds, so I understand where he is coming from. I would say just give him a little bit of time and he will come around. Wink

cherylanddoug · July 2011

MH was very hesitant to get excited about this pregnancy too. Once he saw the heartbeat he felt better. He really started to get into it when he could feel the baby move. Just give him time, he'll get there

gerberva11837 · July 2011

Similar situation for me. And now that I'm reading all the responses I see my DH is not an alien Smile

I m/c back in November, and after it happened he flat out said he didn't want to start trying until this fall! We had two m/c's in 2010 (one being a blighted ovum), so he was pretty shook up about the whole pregnancy thing altogether. Luckily we stopped being careful and when the day before I found out I was pregnant again he actually said to me "I think I'm ready to start trying". But when I told him the next day he freaked out. It took him until my 10 week appointment where we heard the heart beat and saw the baby moving for him to come around. Now he looks at the u/s pics and says stuff like "there's my boy" (he thinks he already knows what it's going to be haha).

mrshurley10 · July 2011

thanks ladies, your stories really help me. our first u/s is 2 weeks from today so hopefully we will see something then and get him more on board.

LottaLattes · July 2011

My husband is totally being the same way, I'm just letting him deal with it the way I want and I am pretty sure he'll come around with the first appt/us. I think men tend to be a little less quick to commit if they think there'll be a problem. *HUGS* It is a little annoying to be the only one excited so far

ambs21 · July 2011

I completely understand. I even asked DH if he was happy, and he said he would be once I was in 2nd tri. I was like gee, thanks. It was really discouraging for him to not be excited, but I did understand his hesitance. The last couple of weeks, DH has started talking to me about this LO. I asked again if he was excited, and he said he was starting to get excited. I am just glad he's getting there. It is really hard to feel alone in the happiness. I told my mom and a couple really close friends so that I'd have someone to share my joy, but it is so much better to finally feel like the dad is on board! Hang in there and try to give him some room to be nervous. Let him know if it hurts your feelings that he's not as excited as you'd like him to be, but remember that it's just nerves and that he'll get there. I think we forget that the loss changes the way they feel about future pg too.

MrsAtch · July 2011

I struggled with my DH but in the opposite manner- I was the one who was happy but not like OMG I'm KTFU AGAIN! #&% #(%... it was still so raw for me from losing our LO a few months earliier- and him trying to force me to be happy and move on faster than I was able to was exactly what I didn't need. I say just give your DH some time- I know it's hard to not have the support but reach out to someone else that you trust. Believe me, you will both be happier for it, and he will eventually come around- I know I did.

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