"Tickler" @ Daycare Need advice Please!

Re: "Tickler" @ Daycare Need advice Please!

• Blue789

  July 2011

  Lurker butting in...

  Option 1: What about telling the provider that you're trying to teach your daughter safe boundaries and that tickling by non-family crosses a boundary?

  Option 2: Just be honest and say that it makes you uncomfortable..."I'm sure your son is perfectly harmless but it makes H and I uncomfortable and is past our comfort level."
  

  "Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." -George Iles
  

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• jnealet member

  July 2011

  Personally I don't see anything wrong with what this kid is doing.  And I also don't see any way you can talk to the director without implying that her son is a child molester because that's how you're skewing the situation. 

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• LenMont

  July 2011

  I think you'd be better off talking to your daughter about boundaries and helping her know the difference between tickling for fun and tickling that makes her feel uncomfortable. Use this as a chance to empower your daughter! LOTS of people tickle little kids to make them laugh. He's not doing anything wrong and you're missing a chance to teach your daughter, I think.

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• angelame1979

  July 2011

  I don't think it's unusual to have a male at a daycare center.  My husband volunteered for an event there along with a few other dads.  They also have a regular male teacher who is awesome with the kids and a male sub that comes in from time to time. 

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• angelame1979

  July 2011

  LenMont:

  I think you'd be better off talking to your daughter about boundaries and helping her know the difference between tickling for fun and tickling that makes her feel uncomfortable. Use this as a chance to empower your daughter! LOTS of people tickle little kids to make them laugh. He's not doing anything wrong and you're missing a chance to teach your daughter, I think.

  I think you are blowing it a little out of proportion.   I have heard that excessive tickling can be borderline abuse but I am sure if he was doing something wrong his mom or other teachers would say something to him.  You could always ask the director what the guidelines are on tickling without even mentioning her son.  I think it's harmless fun though and your DD was probably just telling you abour her day.  I hope you guys didn't talk about it in front of her and make her think it's wrong.

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• angelame1979

  July 2011

  LenMont:

  I think you'd be better off talking to your daughter about boundaries and helping her know the difference between tickling for fun and tickling that makes her feel uncomfortable. Use this as a chance to empower your daughter! LOTS of people tickle little kids to make them laugh. He's not doing anything wrong and you're missing a chance to teach your daughter, I think.

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• soon2BMrsBama

  July 2011

  LenMont:

  I think you'd be better off talking to your daughter about boundaries and helping her know the difference between tickling for fun and tickling that makes her feel uncomfortable. Use this as a chance to empower your daughter! LOTS of people tickle little kids to make them laugh. He's not doing anything wrong and you're missing a chance to teach your daughter, I think.

  

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• Kjsoa76 member

  July 2011

  Yes, we talked about it right in front of her and told her that he was molesting her. 

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• Kjsoa76 member

  July 2011

  Thank you for your advice.  This sounds like a good idea, since I feel like there is nothing going on, it is a chance to talk to her about "boundries"

  Thanks ladies!

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• LillyGrrl member

  July 2011

  Yikes, you know not every man that isn't your husband is a child molester and to have you husband think that way is HORRIBLE IMHO. Would he have felt even half as furious if it was a female teacher?  Seriously? It's f'ing tickling.  I agree it's a good opportunity to teach your daughter about appropriate touching an inappropriate touching but to state outright or even just insinuate that he could be touching children in an inappropriate way to his MOTHER is the biggest insult. If you or your husband truly feel that he is doing something inappropriate you should just remove her from the school.  But you are destoying a person's reputation by impying that simple tickling =a child molester, especially without proof or without your daughter saying that it made her uncomfortable. 

  RIDICULOUS!

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• pitterpatter129 member

  July 2011

  Did your daughter say it was bothering her? Does it make her uncomfortable? If not, I would let it go. I'm a fourth grade teacher, used to be first grade, and I'm pretty sure I've tickled a student or two, especially if they were having a bad day and needed a smile! I hate that we've made hugs and tickling into a big no in our society. Some parents act like schools should feed, clothe, medicate, discipline, etc. their children, but then get bent out of shape should you show affection towards their child. Just raise them for us, but for heaven's sake, don't hug them! That is my rant of the day! Be happy he's tickling them instead of screaming at them.

  

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• vmm0016

  July 2011

  I think it is great that he is tickling them.  Keira tickles her daycare person and other kids at daycare (there are 4 boys and 1 girl).

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• UsedToBeGoldie member

  July 2011

  would you be this upset if a female teacher was doing it?  I know I wouldn't care at all if a female tickled my kids...

  it's VERY hard for male teachers - they have to be so careful - and that's a shame, but that's the way it is. I used to be a teacher and always felt horrible for the men I worked with - they couldn't hug the children the way I could, etc. Sad.

  I would talk to the director in a way that you are trying to HELP her son - not accuse him.  Let her know that your daughter mentioned the tickeling - and that you worry someone will assume he's doing something inappropriate - and that it's a shame, but male teachers really need to be more careful about their boundaries when it comes to touching children.... that you are concerned he will be accused by someone, etc... and she should have a talk with him.  That's how i would handle it.... because I'd want to give him the benefit of the doubt- that all is OK and he's just a loving young man.... but the fact is he NEEDS to be more careful - to cover his own a$$.

  I used to be Goldie_locks_5 but the new nest is so screwed up that I was forced to start over.
  
  

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• CCinLove member

  July 2011

  I wouldn't even bring this up.  My son's teacher tickled him this morning in my presence, and it never occurred to me to think it was inappropriate.  I think tickling is a pretty standard activity with the pre-school set.

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• Pier1girl

  July 2011

  I agree with the OP.  It would be beyond my comfort level and I would say something to the director (nicely & carefully of course). 

  

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• SuwaneeGirl

  July 2011

  This behavior is not acceptable to me, period. Everyone has the choice of whom touches them, even little children, when it comes to affection. And yes, I'd have the same issue with this if it were a female worker or a male worker. I have the same problem with teachers who insist on hugging my child, even when she's running away from them and hiding behind me. I tell them that my daughter will ask for a hug if she wants one.

  Tickling is weird. I view it as torture. I don't like it. But some people think it's fun, happy, whatever. Regardless, it's not right for a learning environment, and it sets the wrong tone.

  Here is what I would do. I would speak with the employee and say, "Clara says you have been tickling her. I want you to know that I am not OK with that, and you are not to do this any longer. I don't think it is appropriate behavior for a learning environment." I would also report to the director or co-manager or whatnot and let them know what your child told them and that you had informed the teacher not to do it any longer.

  If they think you are complaining because you think he's a child molester, that's on them. Not you.

  There's nothing wrong with teaching your daughter that she should expect that people keep their hands to themselves! Especially an (virtually) adult person in a position of authority!

  Let us know what happens.

      

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• Giggity19

  July 2011

  SuwaneeGirl:

  This behavior is not acceptable to me, period. Everyone has the choice of whom touches them, even little children, when it comes to affection. And yes, I'd have the same issue with this if it were a female worker or a male worker. I have the same problem with teachers who insist on hugging my child, even when she's running away from them and hiding behind me. I tell them that my daughter will ask for a hug if she wants one.

  Tickling is weird. I view it as torture. I don't like it. But some people think it's fun, happy, whatever. Regardless, it's not right for a learning environment, and it sets the wrong tone.

  Here is what I would do. I would speak with the employee and say, "Clara says you have been tickling her. I want you to know that I am not OK with that, and you are not to do this any longer. I don't think it is appropriate behavior for a learning environment." I would also report to the director or co-manager or whatnot and let them know what your child told them and that you had informed the teacher not to do it any longer.

  If they think you are complaining because you think he's a child molester, that's on them. Not you.

  There's nothing wrong with teaching your daughter that she should expect that people keep their hands to themselves! Especially an (virtually) adult person in a position of authority!

  Let us know what happens.

     

   

  Or, you know, since 99% of the population thinks that tickling and hugging are NORMAL things to do with a kid, you could politely say something to the worker about how you are would prefer it if she/he would refrain from tickling. The OP never said that her daughter didn't like it.
  

  This is your own hang-up.  You need to own that.
  

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• Wilwarin

  July 2011

  SuwaneeGirl:

  This behavior is not acceptable to me, period. Everyone has the choice of whom touches them, even little children, when it comes to affection. And yes, I'd have the same issue with this if it were a female worker or a male worker. I have the same problem with teachers who insist on hugging my child, even when she's running away from them and hiding behind me. I tell them that my daughter will ask for a hug if she wants one.

  Tickling is weird. I view it as torture. I don't like it. But some people think it's fun, happy, whatever. Regardless, it's not right for a learning environment, and it sets the wrong tone.

  Here is what I would do. I would speak with the employee and say, "Clara says you have been tickling her. I want you to know that I am not OK with that, and you are not to do this any longer. I don't think it is appropriate behavior for a learning environment." I would also report to the director or co-manager or whatnot and let them know what your child told them and that you had informed the teacher not to do it any longer.

  If they think you are complaining because you think he's a child molester, that's on them. Not you.

  There's nothing wrong with teaching your daughter that she should expect that people keep their hands to themselves! Especially an (virtually) adult person in a position of authority!

  Let us know what happens.

      

   

  

  
  

  Missed miscarriage 12/26/11 at 12 weeks

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• Kjsoa76 member

  July 2011

  Just curious, where in my post did I say that every male other than my H is a child molester? Also, where did I insinuate that he was touching her inappropriately and that hi "simple tickling = child molester"?

  I am also a little unclear about how I would be "destroying a person's reputation" by simply asking this man to stop touching my daughter?  Can you expand ? I really don't see how it is "RIDICULOUS" to not want people touching and tickling my daughter, but if you invite that kind of behavior, that is your perogative.

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• Kjsoa76 member

  July 2011

  the last  post is directed to "LillyGrrl"

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