I am lost, please help!

asherwest · July 2011

Okay so I am not lost as I clearly found you ladies again, but I really need some advice from you ladies!

O has been a beast lately! I seriously am at a loss of what else to do with this kid's crazy attitude. He seems to think it's okay to jump on the beds and couches. He jumps and then jumps right into us on purpose. He hits and kicks (sometimes when he's goofing around and sometimes when he is serious about not wanting to get his diaper changed and pjs on) and now started scratching ( I am not sure he realizes he is doing this one) but he just doesn't stop.

I have asked nicely for him to NOT do this, explained how it affects me and other's he may do this to. Asked him nicely to stop! Asked him not so nicely to stop as well b/c I am just done with it! We have tried time outs and he comes back all nice and says sorry for hitting, ect. Two seconds later he is at it again. I swear it happens a lot at 6-630pm when this attitude comes out and it lasts for a good hour or two depending on when bedtime hits (730-8pm).

Any suggestions on how to make this stop!!!! I seriously feel like a horrible mother b/c of his actions!

NavyClan · July 2011

I don't have any advice to offer you, I just wanted to say that this post + your sig pictures made me lol Stick out tongue

. I hope someone else with experience can help, and in the mean time hang in there!

asherwest · July 2011

NavyClan:
I don't have any advice to offer you, I just wanted to say that this post + your sig pictures made me lol . I hope someone else with experience can help, and in the mean time hang in there!

lol thanks! And I just changed it so that's kind of funny but yes he looks so sweet and innocent in that pic doesn't he?!

swimrbride · July 2011

Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.

hippotree · July 2011

That was about the age that we started time outs with Henry. it took a while for him to get it, and we had to sit with him at first to make sure he didn't get up, but it worked. I recommend the book 1-2-3 Magic. It's been really great for us.

HappyAardvark · July 2011

swimrbride:
Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.

Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.

asherwest · July 2011

hippotree:
That was about the age that we started time outs with Henry. it took a while for him to get it, and we had to sit with him at first to make sure he didn't get up, but it worked. I recommend the book 1-2-3 Magic. It's been really great for us.

Thanks, I will have to check this book out! If this book doesn't work then the punching bag it is!

He will sit in his time out pretty good. Doesn't try to walk away at all. It just doesn't seem to be sinking in why he is there even though we explain it in simple terms but maybe not simple enough terms for him.

asherwest · July 2011

HappyAardvark:
swimrbride:

Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.

Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.

I agree! But seriously at this point I'd rather him hit that than me or his newborn sister when she comes! I am willing to try anything else before I used that method. But something needs to change and quick!

Ashleyyyyy · July 2011

Timeouts helped us a lot. We also bought a couple different behavioral children's books by Marieka Heinlen too.

swimrbride · July 2011

HappyAardvark:
swimrbride:

Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.

Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.

No. It gives them one specified object that they can use. Kids don't have the ability to regulate their emotions at this age and this is how they express them. Similar to when kids cry when their parents leave, as they get older they learn that they can be sad but don't always have to cry, they can use their words to express their sadness.

lurkylulu2 · July 2011

Welcome to the terrible twos! They're a blast. Try time outs, be firm, and ride it out baby.

HappyAardvark · July 2011

asherwest:
HappyAardvark:
swimrbride:

Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.
Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.
I agree! But seriously at this point I'd rather him hit that than me or his newborn sister when she comes! I am willing to try anything else before I used that method. But something needs to change and quick!

Yeah, but if you set that pattern of acceptable behavior, you're really only applying a temporary fix to a much larger problem you're creating for later.

I am definitely NOT an expert, but developmentally, the "terrible two's" get their reputation because kids around that age begin to realize that they are their own people with independent thoughts and actions, and are capable of influencing themselves on the world as well as other people. Hence the reason they like saying "no" so much - because they realize they have the option and CAN say no! So he may just be exercising his will to a bit of an extreme. So like pp's suggested, showing him that his unruly behavior does have negative consequences, i.e., time outs or whatever other discipline method you choose, after a little time and repetition, helps him understand how he fits into the context of his environment.

HappyAardvark · July 2011

swimrbride:
HappyAardvark:
swimrbride:

Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.
Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.
No. It gives them one specified object that they can use. Kids don't have the ability to regulate their emotions at this age and this is how they express them. Similar to when kids cry when their parents leave, as they get older they learn that they can be sad but don't always have to cry, they can use their words to express their sadness.

*sigh* okay, check back with me in a dozen or so years and let me know how this is working out for you. Definitely not trying to get into a pissing match so I'm going to end it here, but it is generally a bad idea to teach kids from a young age that they can take out their sad/angry/negative emotions on a physical object.

swimrbride · July 2011

HappyAardvark:
asherwest:
HappyAardvark:
swimrbride:

Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.

Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.

I agree! But seriously at this point I'd rather him hit that than me or his newborn sister when she comes! I am willing to try anything else before I used that method. But something needs to change and quick!

Yeah, but if you set that pattern of acceptable behavior, you're really only applying a temporary fix to a much larger problem you're creating for later.

I am definitely NOT an expert, but developmentally, the "terrible two's" get their reputation because kids around that age begin to realize that they are their own people with independent thoughts and actions, and are capable of influencing themselves on the world as well as other people. Hence the reason they like saying "no" so much - because they realize they have the option and CAN say no! So he may just be exercising his will to a bit of an extreme. So like pp's suggested, showing him that his unruly behavior does have negative consequences, i.e., time outs or whatever other discipline method you choose, after a little time and repetition, helps him understand how he fits into the context of his environment.

Not that I am an "expert" but I am a play therapist. A two year old does not have very many ways of expressing his anger. So by automatically turning to timeouts you are telling them that they aren't allowed to express that emotion. As kids learn better coping skills they have better and more effective ways of dealing with their emotions, including anger. Using one specified object to get out emotion as a 2/3/4/5 year old does not cause a person to grow up to punch walls or doors.

Mrs.C042807 · July 2011

We started timeouts at roughly that age. You just have to be consistent, even if you think the message isn't getting through... because eventually it will. And you and your DH should be on board as to what gets your LO put into timeout.

You could also try some baby sign language to help him communicate his wants/needs/frustrations if he's not able to verbalize it.

Emie28 · July 2011

HappyAardvark:
swimrbride:
Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.
Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.

A toddler doesn't not have the ability to express their feelings and when they are upset they often strike out physically. It is not logical to try to calmly reason with them that it is not OK to hit b/c when they are upset they are NOT going to be reasonable. Any reason they have is going to be overpowered by their strong emotions. It is only after they have calmed down that they can be reasoned with in any way. Giving them one specific object that they are allowed to express their upset feelings toward is not going to cause them to go around punching things their entire lives. It is a continuing process, as they get older and are better able to control their emotions they need to be taught better outlets for those feelings.

I work with emotionally disabled students (who often have the emotional level of toddlers) and this method works well, along with time outs.

asherwest · July 2011

HappyAardvark:
asherwest:
HappyAardvark:
swimrbride:

Give him something he can hit and kick. Maybe a pillow or one of those inflatable punching bag things that are weighted down at the bottom. When he starts to kick or hit you let him know that you aren't for kicking and reflect that he is angry/sad/frustrated (whatever emotion) but he can kick/hit/scratch his specified toy. It sounds like he is just getting frustrated and doesn't have the words or tools to deal with it.

Uh, maybe I'm in the minority with the opinion I'm about to state, but this is a terrible idea. It just shows the child that it's okay to take out your emotions on something physically, and aggression of any sort is an acceptable way to deal with a situation or anything else that makes you mad. These are the kids who grow up to punch doors, walls, throw things, or worse.

I agree! But seriously at this point I'd rather him hit that than me or his newborn sister when she comes! I am willing to try anything else before I used that method. But something needs to change and quick!

Yeah, but if you set that pattern of acceptable behavior, you're really only applying a temporary fix to a much larger problem you're creating for later.

I am definitely NOT an expert, but developmentally, the "terrible two's" get their reputation because kids around that age begin to realize that they are their own people with independent thoughts and actions, and are capable of influencing themselves on the world as well as other people. Hence the reason they like saying "no" so much - because they realize they have the option and CAN say no! So he may just be exercising his will to a bit of an extreme. So like pp's suggested, showing him that his unruly behavior does have negative consequences, i.e., time outs or whatever other discipline method you choose, after a little time and repetition, helps him understand how he fits into the context of his environment.

I think this is what he is doing. He knows he can get a rise out of us even if his actions are wrong and they result in a time out.

AAARRGGGHHH....I HATE TERRIBLE TWO'S!!! Crying

asherwest · July 2011

Thank you ladies for your wonderful advice. I will talk with DH more and decide on our next plan of action but for now time outs it is even if it takes me all day.

iteachk · July 2011

If it's happening at the same time every evening, I'm inclined to think he's getting overtired. Maybe move up his bedtime?

lurkylulu2 · July 2011

asherwest:
Thank you ladies for your wonderful advice. I will talk with DH more and decide on our next plan of action but for now time outs it is even if it takes me all day.

As hard as it is, be firm, but don't let him get you all worked up. Kids like to push buttons.

asherwest · July 2011

ITeachK:
If it's happening at the same time every evening, I'm inclined to think he's getting overtired. Maybe move up his bedtime?

I thought of this too and we have been trying to moving it up a little bit every night as to not screw his schedule up too much! I hope this is it and eventually we will find the better bed time that stops this. I guess we will have to wait and see!

danlexi04 · July 2011

What about redirecting him before the usual time of the behavior starts? I'm not sure that sentence made sense. There are certain times of the day I know are cranky beastly times. Before they start I'll do things that require their complete attention, like coloring. It's not something they do a lot so it keeps them occupied for awhile. We also use time outs. One of the boys understands time out but the other has no clue. I'm sorry your guy is being a beast, good thing he's super cute!

asherwest · July 2011

Thanks danlexi! I will have to try the coloring thing too. he likes to do it but it only keeps his attention for a short bit of time and he wants to move to something else. I think maybe we will have to pull out some old toys and try to rotate things a bit.

WinsyWade · July 2011

I have a friend who's son was acting out like this and another mutual friend suggested a quiet place. My friend set up an area in the child's room with quiet toys, like puzzles, books, favorite stuffed animals, etc. where he could go "to get in control". I know she had great success with and her daughter (younger) even wanted her own quiet place as well. The child is older then O but it might not hurt to try it.

Congrats on your new baby on the way as well!

asherwest · July 2011

WinsyWade:

I have a friend who's son was acting out like this and another mutual friend suggested a quiet place. My friend set up an area in the child's room with quiet toys, like puzzles, books, favorite stuffed animals, etc. where he could go "to get in control". I know she had great success with and her daughter (younger) even wanted her own quiet place as well. The child is older then O but it might not hurt to try it.

Congrats on your new baby on the way as well!

Thanks Winsy! That actually sounds like a great idea, I may have to put that together and see what he thinks. Even if he doesn't "get it" now he may when he gets a bit bigger and that will maybe allow me to have a rest/quiet time during the day if he starts liking it.

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