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the name game... question

caligirl0715caligirl0715
in Single Parents

I am torn on whether or not to go back to my maiden name. I never liked my married name but it was imortant to STBXH that I take his name and I had always thought I would when I got married. So now I have to decide whether to change it back or not.

If not for the kids it would be a no-brainer, I would go back to my maiden name without hesitating. But I don't want them to feel bad in years to come like I was rejecting something that also belongs to them...?

Also this is way down the line if ever... but I wonder about if I get re-married some day. For one thing I imiagine a new H would feel strange about me still being Mrs. W. Also if I had anymore kids with an H it creates all kinds of predicaments. I want my boys to feel secure and loved and I always do what I can to help them feel this way but it doesn't seem black and white to me when I look at the big picture.

 

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Re: the name game... question

  • PharoutPharout

    I didn't have to experience this myself.  However, My sister kept her Ex's last name.  It was a unique name and she wanted the same name as her children.  However, when she got married, she added her madien name to her middle name.

    Also, a friend of mine hyphend her last name after getting divorced.  That way she only introduces herself with her maiden name, but has her childs last name still as part of hers.

    GL

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  • PrettyInPearls23PrettyInPearls23 member

    I'm keeping my married name, only because 1) it's pretty common so I dont feel like I have any ties to STBXH and 2) I want to have the same last name as DS

    If I get remarried someday, I'll take my new husband's name. I'd like to have more children in the future and would feel weird if I had my married name and my new children had their dad's/my DH's last name.

    Along those same lines I do worry that DS might feel "left out" if I have this new family who all has the same last name and his is different, but I'll cross that bridge when and if I need to.

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  • caligirl0715caligirl0715
    imagePrettyInPearls23:

    I'm keeping my married name, only because 1) it's pretty common so I dont feel like I have any ties to STBXH and 2) I want to have the same last name as DS

    If I get remarried someday, I'll take my new husband's name. I'd like to have more children in the future and would feel weird if I had my married name and my new children had their dad's/my DH's last name.

    Along those same lines I do worry that DS might feel "left out" if I have this new family who all has the same last name and his is different, but I'll cross that bridge when and if I need to.

    This was a lot of what I was worried about. (Again I know it's so far down the line, if ever but I'm just trying to think of the angles for their sake). I felt like if I went back to the maiden name at this time it's easier to understand then getting a "new family"... I don't know, probably overthinking it, I'm good for that.

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  • mommyjenny257mommyjenny257
    I seriously would like to go back to my maiden name, but I'm keeping my married name, solely for DS like PP's have said.  I have considered that if I do ever get married again, it's entirely possible that my new H will adopt DS.  My SBTXH brings this up all the time, that he's worried I will do that, despite the fact that he has to sign off on it.  But when we first separated, he agreed at one point to sign over his rights to not have to pay child support, and has not seen DS in the last 30 days.  (that's how long we've been separated - but papers have been filed just waiting on the court date).  I know for a fact he has no plans to see DS before October.  And after that, I'm not sure he'll exercise his visitation either.  So I'm guessing we can change both our names if that ever happens...it feels wierd to even think that could possibly happen right now though.
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