not really APR--Comments about post-baby weight loss

notreallyirish · July 2011

This is actually tangentially AP-related because I have lost a bunch of weight due primarily to breastfeeding.

Anyway, from the time I got married to the time I got pregnant (about 3.5 years) I had probably put on 20 to 25 pounds (I blame New Orleans' food.). Since DS was born I lost the baby weight and then lost an additional 20 to 25 pounds so that I am back where I was in college/before I got married. I get comments and compliments all the time about my weight loss. People tell me I look good or I must be burning a lot of calories chasing DS around. Regardless of how nice or well-meaning the comments, they just p!ss me off and sort of hurt my feelings. I think this is partly because I am only back to where I was a few years ago and I wonder what people were thinking when I put the weight on. Also, it makes me worry about maintaining my weight and I stress more about weaning (something that is emotional and stressful enough for me to think about) because I think that I'll just put all the weight back on when I wean or night wean. I don't know if I were dieting and working hard at losing weight if I would appreciate the comments. I doubt it.

I think people should just not comment on other people's weight positively or negatively unless they are that person's health care professional...you never know how they will take it or what they have been through. Do people comment on your weight? Does it bother you?

Meg&Jesse · July 2011

Yes, people have been commenting on my weight lately. DS is 3 and I am finally 2 lbs shy of where I was pre-pregnancy. Yes, it makes me wonder...geez...was I really THAT fat (and, yes I was when I was pregnant and for a long time after). With all that being said, I think people are just trying to be nice and I try not to take it so personally.

anna7602 · July 2011

I put this in the category of things people shouldn't comment on, but do all the time, along with "when are you having another baby?" and "so how much does your freelance business make in a year?" (seriously on this last one, WTF?).

I have colitis. My weight fluctuates a lot. BFing was really hard on me. It's difficult enough for my body to process nutrients as it is without putting feeding someone else in the equation. I ended up losing all of my pregnancy weight plus about 15 lbs. I'm only 5'4, so this made a big difference.

I actually thought I looked sick. I still look back on pre-weaning pics of myself and think, ugh, how unhealthy. Yet I got compliments all the time on how thin I'd gotten. Some friends with kids the same age even said snarky things about how much pp weight I'd lost. Nevertheless, people who knew me super well, like my family, would comment on how I should make sure I made time to take care of myself, even with a small child. They knew I shouldn't be as thin as I was. I hated their comments, too.

It's annoying, for sure, but I throw my hands up. I have been hearing these comments for so long that I know there's no way to change the fixation a lot of people have with body image. Heck, I can't even escape it myself. When I look into the mirror, I automatically think things like "you look swollen today" or "you look too thin" or whatever.

SteelCityBride · July 2011

Yes, people comment on my weight & it bothers me. But I have the opposite problem as you. I get "oh, are you expecting again?" "um no." Embarrassed

So I'd just count yourself lucky that you at least on the opposite end of the spectrum as far as weight comments go. Especially since all you're doing is BFing to loose the weight. E is still a BFing maniac & it hasn't helped me lose any weight.

I get the, "If I look so good now, then what did you think of me before" mentallity, but I wouldn't dwell on it. You've lost the weight now & look good. Just be happy & say thank you.

Pharout · July 2011

People at work comment on how good I look, and that I don't look like I just had a baby. I actually love the comments. I am happy to say I am getting to small for my pre-pregnancy clothes. After my first born I went up from a size 9 to a 12, quit smoking and went into a 14. For 10 years I've been a 14 no matter what I did. Now, after doing nothing but having another baby and breast feeding again, I could fit a 12. I now, more than ever what to start exercising so I can loose more or not go back to the 14. I will be a happy 12

erbear · July 2011

Honestly, I think you're overthinking this. It's a compliment. You look good. Say thank you and move on. In a perfect world, people wouldn't comment in peoples weight bc it's rude, but what you're getting is better than the alternative.

Lisa102304 · July 2011

While I get it makes you doubt yourself, you are overthinking it. What if someone said "I l love that shirt! It looks so pretty on you!" are they implying every other shirt looks like crap on you? No. They are simply saying something nice to you. Take it at face value and move on.

Kestrel84 · July 2011

People who have never had issues with their weight just don't understand. I think they believe that commenting on weight loss should be encouraging. But I completely understand the pressure it puts on to keep that weight off. I've lost and gained anywhere from 10-30 pounds since I started college and it is embarassing for me when I lose the weight because I always gain it back. I honestly wish no one would notice the loss! Weight/body image issues are never black and white. So when people say "oh they're just trying to be nice, just let it go" they don't realize that its not that simple.

I understand the anxiety about weaning. When I dropped down to two sessions I started gaining very quickly. It sucks. But I've started exercising 3 days per week (nothing crazy, just walking/elliptical and light resistence trainging) and it's keeping the weight gain at bay. Plus your appetite will go down a lot too. I was surprised by that, actually.

Kestrel84 · July 2011

Lisa102304:
While I get it makes you doubt yourself, you are overthinking it. What if someone said "I l love that shirt! It looks so pretty on you!" are they implying every other shirt looks like crap on you? No. They are simply saying something nice to you. Take it at face value and move on.

Confused

notreallyirish · July 2011

Lisa102304:
While I get it makes you doubt yourself, you are overthinking it. What if someone said "I l love that shirt! It looks so pretty on you!" are they implying every other shirt looks like crap on you? No. They are simply saying something nice to you. Take it at face value and move on.

Maybe I am overthinking it, but it's hard not to in such a weight- and appearance- obsessed culture. These insecurities have been in my head since middle school (or earlier). I've never been skinny and every time I've lost weight it has come back.

Also, the shirt analogy doesn't really capture it since a shirt is not part of my body. It's like getting your teeth capped or a nose job and people telling you how much better you look. And this scenario would still also have to involve the possibility that your teeth could get all jacked up again and your nose could grow back.

StacieJane · July 2011

Lisa102304:
While I get it makes you doubt yourself, you are overthinking it. What if someone said "I l love that shirt! It looks so pretty on you!" are they implying every other shirt looks like crap on you? No. They are simply saying something nice to you. Take it at face value and move on.

I'm on this team. It's just a compliment, not a point about how they thought of you before. Honestly, most people probably didn't notice before, as it was gradual, but now that you're losing (relatively) quickly, it's easy to see. I lost 30lbs in addition to the baby weight, and I enjoyed getting compliments because I was proud of my progress, and glad that it was as visible to everyone else as it was to me.

StacieJane · July 2011

joirish:
Lisa102304:
While I get it makes you doubt yourself, you are overthinking it. What if someone said "I l love that shirt! It looks so pretty on you!" are they implying every other shirt looks like crap on you? No. They are simply saying something nice to you. Take it at face value and move on.

Maybe I am overthinking it, but it's hard not to in such a weight- and appearance- obsessed culture. These insecurities have been in my head since middle school (or earlier). I've never been skinny and every time I've lost weight it has come back.

Also, the shirt analogy doesn't really capture it since a shirt is not part of my body. It's like getting your teeth capped or a nose job and people telling you how much better you look. And this scenario would still also have to involve the possibility that your teeth could get all jacked up again and your nose could grow back.

Okay, it's not a perfect analogy. But still -- I have been overweight my whole life; it's not that I don't understand "what it's like" (or however PP put it). I was hovering around a size 16/18 after DD was born, and I hated myself. I'd cry all the time ... it affected our sex life, how comfortable I felt with friends, everything. So when I made some changes that worked for me (CrossFit/Paleo) and dropped to a size 10 in four months, I was really, really proud of how hard I'd worked to get there, even though I still have about 50lbs to go to get into a "healthy" weight (the Wii still says I'm in the "overweight" category!).

Anyway, I'm not saying that you should just shrug off your feelings or whatever. What you're feeling is valid. All I mean is that it's not a "dig" in any way, and you should be proud of yourself too.

EmmieB · July 2011

I had HG and was literally 20 pounds lighter 4 days after giving birth and was back to my pre-pg weight within a few months. My pg weight was all baby and baby-related goo.

So then at 5 months I travel to my cousin's baby shower and one of the other guests (I'd never met her before) commented on how skinny I was and she was incredulous that I'd just had a baby. I just said thanks and changed the subject.

A little bit later I got up to use the restroom and as I passed I hear her say to my cousin "are you sure she wasn't just faking it and adopted? there's no way she gave birth five months ago." My cousin, bless her, said "she's always been really skinny, even as kids she and her sister were tiny." I pretended not to hear.

People can be incredibly thoughtless - regardless of how good/bad you look.

I agree with the PP - you can't let it get to you. The best you can to is make a mental note to be more sensitive with your own observations and "compliments."

Lisa102304 · July 2011

I've had weight issues my entire life too. In fact, while I have lost all my PG weight plus some, I am stillheavier than I should be. It is hard. I know that. But I maintain you need to take the compliment at face value and move on from it. You will be emotionally happier if you stop looking for hidden meanings in what others say.

pixieprincss · July 2011

I had a very awkward conversation with a woman over the weekend who stared at my torso for way longer than was comfortable and told me how good I was looking. I am a person who can take a compliment, but this was just plain uncomfortable. It isn't like I've been slaving away at the gym or anything and it isn't like a pigged out through my PG to gain 50 lbs. I have some wacky health things going on and my body just does what it does--for better or worse.

I think that saying someone looks nice is one thing. Saying they've lost weight kind of crosses a line for me. Because of my body shape, what I wear can make me look 10+ lbs different from day to day. I semi-regularly have people make comments about me losing weight when absolutely nothing has changed. It is just awkward.

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