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Natural Birth
CoreymaeW
member
sad and scared now :-( (long vent)
CoreymaeW
member
So I decided to have an all natural water birth after attending my sisters water birth, this was before I ever got pregnant , DH and I were however trying at that point. so now that I am pregnant I have been having all my appointments and making all my plans for this water birthing facility. when DH and I took our tour of the place we found that the particular "birthing suite" that i had already wanted to use had a newly installed bigger tub in it which was large enough for DH to get in with me. we were also told that DH would be allowed to guide the baby out once she crowned. We were both very excited about this.
MIL was not so excited about it because it is a bit of a drive so she kept trying to come up with reasons why it was a bad idea to give birth there. first was: what if we don't make it on time and end up giving birth on the side of the road? to which i responded i will likely be in labor for at least 12 hours and if not, if its seems like baby is coming too fast then we will stop at one of the many hospitals on the way.
then she tried to say: well do you have a high tolerance for pain? what if something bad happens and you need a C/S? one, water does wonders for pain management and women have been giving birth med free for thousands of years surely it is possible. as for the need for emergency C/S there is a hospital nearby for such occurrences and most "emergency C/S" are caused by unnecessary interventions anyway.
then her latest "concern" was: well what does it cost? will you even be able to afford it??? to which i told her natural childbirth is much cheaper that hospital birth and that our birthing center accepts insurance.
well now i feel defeated and as if MIL has won because i was recently contacted by the birthing center because i asked them for the specifics of the payments. since i had not requested this information earlier and because they require the entire portion of what insurance did not cover to be paid before the baby was due we only had only 4 months to pay. we would have to pay almost $300/month for professional fees (Dr. visits, ultrasounds/ pre/post natal care) and an additional payment of $310 to use the facility. none of which we can afford.
so DH suggests looking into a midwife and at home water birth. after some research i come to find that our particular insurance does not cover at home water births at all and all of their payment plans are very similar to the birthing center, which we cant afford 
so looks like we will have to have our baby in a hospital just like everyone else (sounds like such a silly complaint right) so now I'm just very sad and also scared, I will no longer have water as an option for pain management, not to mention, to reduce the chances of tearing, plus I'm scared i will be confined to a bed while pushing and only be allowed to lie on my back which i am told is not a very effective nor comfortable way to push a baby out. now I'm scared that with these factors as well as drugs being readily available (versus not even being in the building at the other place) that i will cave and accept an epidural when asked
Sorry i was just very upset about this situation and had to vent I know all that really matters is a healthy baby, i just wish the birth would have been the pleasant experience that i had been planning for all these months.
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Re: sad and scared now :-( (long vent)
We are in a similar situation! We visited a birthing center and were totally pumped about all the options is offered for birthing naturally. Then we found out we would have to pay $2,000 out of pocket and long story short, the bottom line is we just don't have that kind of money right now.
So we're doing the next best thing (in my opinion). I've been seeing a MW / OB combined office and have specifically been focusing on seeing the MW and she knows that I really want her to deliver the baby and says she'll make every effort to be there even if she's not on call that day. We also found a doula who has really been a huge help so far and will be helping to make sure I don't end up "flat on my back" pushing the baby out if that's not how I want to push. She's helped write out a birth "wish list" that includes things like not being constantly monitored (15 on the monitor, 45 off) and have a heplock put in but no IV line etc... Also, my hospital has 2 birthing tubs that they offer to mothers, so you may want to double check to see if yours does or not. Best of luck to you!
I am sorry you are feelilng so defeated right now, but I think you might be getting ahead of yourself. Many MANY hospitals have birthing tubs and while they may not be big enough for you and DH, or you may not be allowed to deliver in them, they are definitely available for pain management!
Also, I recommend reading the book Natural Hospital Birth by Cynthia Gabriel. It is a really helpful tool for writing your birth plan, as well as learning pain management techniques. DH and I both read the book and learned a lot from it. She will address how to get the birth you want in a hospital.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry and TOTALLY understand insurance frustrations!! Insurance sucks! If it makes you feel any better, my midwife's office wanted the remainder of my deductible for the year upfront at my first appointment, so I had to pay them about $500. And that was with me switching to them at 33 weeks! If I had been with them from the beginning, they would have probably wanted the whole $1200 immediately. Boo insurance.
Good luck! And please don't get stressed...you have plenty of options still.
Oh and I forgot...booo to stupid mothers-in-law too.
Ignore MIL and stop letting her in on the plans if she's a pooper. Also, don't give up...keep looking around at your options.
Some things that might help...tubs and showers can be great for getting you through Transition. Then, it actually feels good to push, and your powerful natural endorphins = no pain, so you may find water less helpful at that point anyways.
I surprisingly didn't want to go anywhere near water when I was laboring, and I thought for sure I'd want the shower. And when it came time to push...on my back pushing was actually the MOST comfortable position to be in...go figure. Ya just never know. Also, are there hospitals and birth centers with tubs you can use or in-room tubs allowed? Our birth center had/allowed this.
That said, if the hospital is cheaper, it can be done. The key is to stay home as long as possible. Go through transition in your own tub at home. I arrived at the hospital fully dilated and ready to push. Also look into hiring a doula (perhaps one in training).
I'm sorry that you are feeling defeated. ?Try not to be scared. Like PP said - when I was labor I wanted nothing to do with water. ?I stayed on that birthing ball until they would not let me anymore! ?And once it is time to push it actually feels good - you know you are at the end and you are finally getting to do something about getting your baby out. ?I was in a hospital - hooked up to an IV and on pitocin (my water was leaking all day and they wanted baby out sooner than later) and I was able to move around (not as much as I would have like considering the IV pole and monitors they had me hooked to) but I got through it and I loved my birthing experience! ?And pushing on my back was the most comfortable for me as well. ?Did it hurt - sure. ?Was it unbearable - no. ?You are going to do just fine and you can make the best of any situation. ?Let your nurses know that you don't want to be offered pain meds and they shouldn't even mention it unless you ask. ?Honestly, until I hit transition it never would have occurred to me to ask for anything - it would have been a different story if I was not on the birthing ball. ?Can you tell that I loved the birthing ball? Haha! ?
?Sorry for the long post - I just want to encourage you! ?You can do this - don't let anyone tell you that you can't. ?And if they do - you get to prove them wrong!
Best of luck to you! It truly is an amazing experience and you are going to do great!?
You say you live in TN? Have you heard of Ina May Gaskin and the midwives of The Farm? Im not sure if you are anywhere near them, but those midwives are increadible, and so committed to helping women birth naturally that they might be willing to work out payment options with you, like a lower payment plan, or something else. Also, you could try writing to the facebook group of Midwifery Today and asking if there are any midwives in your area who could help despite your financial situation. There are midwives out there who will lower their fees for women who can truly not afford their services. Don't give up on your desire to have a wonderful birth! If you do go to the hospital, remember that it is possible to have a great birth there. Maybe you want to look into a doula? Student doulas offer their services for free and that could be a great way to get extra support to make it through birth without drugs.
Do you live near a hospital you can deliver at? You could simply choose to labor at home as long as possible, and that way you have the bathtub to help you, and then when you feel you can't stay home any longer, go to the hospital. Hopefully you won't be there too long before baby is ready to come out! Good luck to you!
Got Swag?
I'm sorry things aren't working out the way you hoped. A few things to remember though, it's totally, completely, 100% possible to have a med free birth in a regular hospital. I did with my first and while they did have a tub available for me to labor in, I only used it for an hour or so before I wanted nothing to do with the water. I labored better on dry land and even ended up pushing on my back because that's what felt most comfortable for me. I didn't tear either and it was an amazing birth.
With my son, we did a homebirth and I had rented a tub. It was almost the same deal, I labored in it for awhile, but after a bit I just wanted out. My midwife had told me earlier that only about 25% of her clients end up actually birthing in the tub, even if they planned on it beforehand. You just never know how you're going to feel in the moment. With my son I pushed on my side, which felt best for me and even though he was huge and OP I didn't tear at all.
You can still have the birth experience you want. No matter where or how you give birth you still need to be flexible because what works for one person might not work for another and you just have to do what's right for you in the moment.
I highly recommend checking out "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" it was an awesome resource for me and really helped DH get on board with helping me through both times.
I just had a natural birth in a hospital and it was a great experience. The hospital staff and doc were fine with a natural birth and they never pushed an epi. I only spent about an hour (of the 15) in the tub, so you never know if you'll even like it. As far as pain management, it hurt like hell, it was a test of absolute endurance and will power, and I just dealt with it one ctx at a time, which is I think how pretty much everyone gets through it. I also thought I would not want to push on my back, but it ended up being the most comfortable way for me, plus allowed me to rest in between pushes. Even though I knew there were drugs available, I never for a second considered asking for them.
My point is just that if you have a hospital and o.b. nearby that are supportive, there is no reason you cannot have a med-free birth.
Are you sure there's not a hospital in your area that offers water therapy?? I live in a not so booming metropolis and two of the three area hospitals offer water therapy. I don't know if you can give birth in the tub (I'm not interested in a water birth), but I'm very happy that I can go for a soak for some pain relief.
The hospital I'm giving birth at also has a shower in every room and you're allowed to use that as well. My doula said sometimes a warm pulsating hand-held shower head can be more soothing (depends on the mommy).
There's absolutely no reason your birth can't be a pleasant experience, unless you go into the situation thinking "this is going to be awful". I know hospitals have a bad rep on this board, but they're not all so terrible
And you won't have to give birth on your back, unless you want too. Nearly all modern hospitals offer variety on that point and most doctors will let you give birth the way you need to (squatting, side lying, or laying down).
Do some research and hire a doula to advocate for you and help with pain management. And, for goodness sake, stop thinking your birth experience is ruined or it will be
Good luck!
I understand your frustration. We have to pay the entire 3600 fee upfront by 36 weeks. We have insurance, but they consider our MW out of network. However, we can appeal after the fact since there are no in network homebirth CNM. I was so upset. We don't beleive in taking on debt, but in this case, we did take out loan for 2500 to pay it, with the prayer that insurance will reimburse at least a portion, if not all the cost. We felt that it would be worth it to have the birth experience we desire. I wish you luck.
I'm sorry =( I nixed the birth center idea also primarily because it wasn't covered by my insurance and would have been a good 3k out of pocket. With all the other things babies need it just didn't feel like a responsible use of money.
But I was able to find an OB practice which employed midwives for low-risk deliveries, so while my birth will be in a hospital it will at least be under the care of a midwife, and the practice is very friendly to natural birth. And since it will now be covered and hence, free, I'll take it. Maybe you can find a middle ground that works for you also
so you need $300/mth for 4 mths and a one time payment of $310, which is $1510 total? is that right?
honestly that is not a lot of money. can you take out a loan, pay with a credit card, borrow money from friends/family, take out a loan on your paycheck (one job i had let you borrow up to twice your paycheck and pay it back in 10 payments), sell stuff, you and or DH get a second job, borrow against 401K, cut other expenses like cell phones, cable, internet and other luxuries, there has got to be an answer.
i would hate to think that money is going to get in the way of you having the birth that you want. your baby's birth is a big deal and a day that you will remember for the rest of your life. it should be how you want it regardless of cost.