moms of multiples

theresab · July 2011

What gifts/actions were most useful to you when you came home?

A high school friend just brought home their triplets (mom made it to 35 weeks!) so I'm looking for something to send/do. Would you send something now or wait till the immediate excitement/family support dies down?

A few things I thought of:

gift certificate to meal prep/dinner delivery place
fruit / muffin basket
something for the babies?

Thanks

MrsAmyB · July 2011

Congrats to them!

I can say that people would ask me what I wanted/needed and I had no clue until about 6 weeks after I brought them home. It was then that I wished that people would come and help but by then the offerings died down and I felt weird about asking for help. I think that it would be nice if you sent something now and then offered some help later. Even offering to go to the grocery store, or come over while mom sleeps, or just to sit and visit and hold a baby.

I think that the gifts you mentioned were all great ideas.

Also, please feel free to give her my e-mail address. There are a lot of great resources and networks out there that are helpful. It's nice to talk to other people in the same boat.

Mama_v2.0 · July 2011

Oh...going to the grocery store for her or helping so she can take a nap, a long shower, or just spend an hour cleaning. (If she doesn't have one maybe pay for some "green" maids to come out to her house and clean while you double team for an outing to target or for food.)

IdahoGirl · July 2011

gift certificate to meal prep/dinner delivery place

I may not have had multiples in one birth - but I did have 2 under 2 and this right here would/is my favorite offer.

cwhip77 · July 2011

I've only had one, but my sister had twins. Just from what I observed I'd say if you have the money a GC for housecleaning (keep an eye on the daily deal type sites, they have 'em all the time) or meals.

If you don't have as much $ to spend, just your time. I remember my sis was really overwhelmed and just wanted another pair of hands to help and a moment to rest. Maybe see if you and a group of her close friends and arrange a help squad to take turns visiting her on different afternoons for a few weeks and do what you can to help her. Take care of the kids while she naps, tidy up the house, maybe that person can bring a meal for dinner? Ask her what days/times she needs the most help and with what and go from there?

That's great that you want to help her. And holy crap, triplets!

MrsAmyB · July 2011

While I think that organizing a crew to help sounds like a great idea, the thought of it completely overwhelmed me and I turned it down over and over, then kicked myself later for doing so. Which is why I wished that the offerings would come back after my mind was clear and when I knew what I wanted. Also, I had a really hard time letting anyone (including my MIL) hold my babies for the first few weeks. So, if she initially resists, wait until the novelty of it dies down and ask again. A cleaning service is an awesome idea!

itskacie · July 2011

Go to her house with a meal and clean the bathroom and kitchen while it is cooking. I did this for my neighbor when she had #3 and she maintains it was the best gift ever! Then I fed the kids dinner while she went and took a bath in the clean tub!

cwhip77 · July 2011

MrsAmyB:
While I think that organizing a crew to help sounds like a great idea, the thought of it completely overwhelmed me and I turned it down over and over, then kicked myself later for doing so. Which is why I wished that the offerings would come back after my mind was clear and when I knew what I wanted. Also, I had a really hard time letting anyone (including my MIL) hold my babies for the first few weeks. So, if she initially resists, wait until the novelty of it dies down and ask again. A cleaning service is an awesome idea!

Yeah, I meant to say to make sure it's okay with her, but that you might have to insist in a way. It seems like most moms feel like they have to handle things on their own. Not that it even compares, but I turned down a lot of offers to help when I had a newborn and I wish I hadn't. Not making that same mistake if we have another one!

Theresab: Maybe make a pact with a couple close friends to visit her once a week or so for awhile, make it a girl's afternoon - bring dinner, everyone attacks some housework and just give your friend some time rest and be around other adults I think would be awesome.

Mrs.Kiltlifter · July 2011

MrsAmyB:
Congrats to them!

I can say that people would ask me what I wanted/needed and I had no clue until about 6 weeks after I brought them home. It was then that I wished that people would come and help but by then the offerings died down and I felt weird about asking for help. I think that it would be nice if you sent something now and then offered some help later. Even offering to go to the grocery store, or come over while mom sleeps, or just to sit and visit and hold a baby.

I think that the gifts you mentioned were all great ideas.

Also, please feel free to give her my e-mail address. There are a lot of great resources and networks out there that are helpful. It's nice to talk to other people in the same boat.

All of this!! Including the email address.

I was resistant to help at first too for multiple reasons but I probably really needed it. After 6 weeks, people really stopped coming over as often and that is when I needed the most help. By then sleep deprivation had kicked in. So if you can set up something to provide help so they can get some extra sleep that would be great. And even better would be to pick up, fold laundry, etc during tha time. Because when help was there all I could think about was getting done the other things around the house that I had been unable to do.

theresab · July 2011

Thanks everyone. I think I will send a dinner delivery card and check back in a few weeks to see what else is needed.

I am actually friends with with the dad (and don't know the mom very well) so no real "group of girlfriends" to arrange things with. I also have to arrange time I could go help without E since I'm sure they don't want an active toddler around.

Amy and MrsKiltlifter can you pm me your emails?

MrsAmyB · July 2011

Sent!

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