DS is almost 18mo. DD is about 1mo. For the past 2 weeks DS has started hitting and biting me, throwing temper tantrums, screaming, etc. He was so gentle and sweet before. I know he's trying to get attention and is jealous. But please tell me he's going through a phase that's normal. Any advice? People say to hit or bite back..I don't feel comfortable with that. I feel soooooo bad for him. He doesn't hit DD though. Just takes it out on me.
TIA mamas
Re: Please tell me I'm not alone...
What people say to hit or bite back?
That is called child-abuse.
Yikes. Who on earth said to hit or bite back? Those people need their heads examined. "Let's teach to not hit and bite by modeling hitting and biting when we are frustrated"... riiiight...
I am one of "those people" who thinks that spanking is the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum. Biting is just appalling and I can't believe people would even think to do that.
My DD has never been a biter (knock on wood) but she got "slappy" at about 18 months. She never really hit DS, but she will occasionally hit me or the dog or the coffee table or even herself when she is frustrated. She has also started to bang her head on our hardwood floors for attention.
I do a combination of things.
1. I have been reading 1-2-3 Magic. It is designed for 2-12 so it is a bit young for 18 months, but the idea is that you "count" bad behavior and send them straight to time out if you get to 3. You might not do the counting bit, but an immediate time out (for one minute) for hitting would be appropriate.
2. I praise positive behavior like crazy. When Kate does something sweet for her brother, says "please" and "thank you", is good at the store, etc. I try to remember to fall all over myself with praise. Humans are much more responsive to positive reinforcement but we as adults are much less likely to take note of and respond to good behavior in others. So I try really really hard to make sure I am praising her much more than I am punishing her.
3. With the hitting I find myself tempted to get into long winded lectures on how "hitting hurts people and we need to be nice and we need to say 'sorry' and blah blah blah". 18 month olds cannot wrap their brains around "hurting others" yet so it is a waste of my breath. Keep it simple. Praise the good more than you punish and you will probably see a decrease in the negative behaviors. If he is getting the attention he craves from doing all of the behaviors you want him to, he will be less likely to feel the need to act out.
GOOD LUCK! Please don't listen to people who say you should hit and bite. That will only escalate the situation and make you feel like sh!t. Plus, it gets you NOWHERE and teaches him NOTHING (other than to be afraid of you).
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
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I will say I don't agree with the hitting back, but I have also heard of the bite back. To clarify the biting back is to be used as the absolute last resort, after you have exhausted all other forms of redirect, timeout, other types of discipline, etc.
Background: My little sister used to bite me on the back when we were little. Biting to the point of leaving welts, bruises and once breaking skin. My mom says that there was no provocation on my side, my sister would just bite. My mom tried EVERYTHING to get her to stop. She talked to the pedi and his advice was the next time she did it then my mom should step in and bite her. Not as hard as my sister was biting me, but hard enough for her to understand that it hurts. My mom only had to bite her once, that did it. She stopped biting.
My pedi actually offered the same advice when I spoke to her about my DS starting to bite. She said to try other things first, but if we couldn't get him to stop then that was an option.
As awful as the advice sounds, this may be the option that works for some children. Most will probably respond to other types of discipline, but as a mom about to have a baby in the house. If my DS begins biting the baby and the other things I try don't get him to stop, I am not against biting him back after exhausting all other options.