SO: If you got spanked as a child

Free2Sing · July 2011

What was it for?

I only got spanked once. I had just gotten a new pair of shorts (there were 5 kids & 1 income, so this was a big deal!) & my mom had asked me not to play in the woods with them on because I might get a hole in them.

Maybe 30 minutes later I had a brand new hole in my brand new shorts! I had to wait until daddy got home, though, which gave my brother enough time to tell me how to get a minimal whipping. He told me to cry soon & daddy would stop. Sure enough, I probably got world's shortest spanking. I don't remember it hurting, but I did remember to listen to my mom afterwards!

Stilts · July 2011

I never got spanked. I have a twin brother who was such a pain in the a_s and he got spanked pretty much daily. My mom did slap me once though when I was in high school, and I totally deserved it. I called her a *** because she wouldn't let me go to a party. Completely out of character for me to do something so bratty and she felt horrible for doing it after.

Edit: The deleted word is b!tch

DEBBIE33CASEY · July 2011

We (my sisters and I) were spanked a million times as kids. There was always a reason but it was either misbehaving or not having a clean room, etc. My mom used the tactic, "You're going to get a swatting when your dad gets home" or "just wait until your dad gets home" and she instilled a fear of my dad with us. He was always the one to carry out the punishments. So we always feared him and that's NOT something I will ever do with my kids (at least not routinely!).

And I KNOW my dad took out some of his aggressions/frustrations on us with his spankings. Granted I was the child so I could remember things differently than they were but I know the spankings often lasted too long or were too hard. It's certainly nothing I would ever want to inflict on my children. I don't want them to feel physically threatened by me like I did my dad. I love my dad but I think his spankings borderlined physical abuse. I refuse to cook with a specific wooden spoon when at my parents house (or buy one like it) b/c it was their preferred "tool" of choice for spankings. I don't think it was right of them to do that. It's one of the few things I hold strongly to that I want to do differently than my parents did to me.

Free2Sing · July 2011

FarmBoysWife:
OMG.. the list.. this brings back good times
this is three actually: accidently killing a goat, a litter of kittens and some chickens... I was attempting to mother them (give a bath, play in a play house stupud stuff like that) All on separate occasions.. each time I tried to run.
Umm.. Skipping Sunday school and walking behind the big cross during the sermon.. the pastor saw me behind the curtain.. we were hiding under the baptismal and reading books.
I got rapped with a spoon at my grandmothers house once..
other than that we always had warning my mother had an "attitude stick" from my grandfathers wood working shop. My mother would always hit something else (chair, table, desk, wall etc) before she ever hit us. And we always had good warning. As you can see from above I was a dirty rotten evil child, I killed kittens for goodness sake (but I didn't understand the mechanics of breathing and lungs at the time).
I don't have any emotional/physical scars from it.. it didn't make me any more violent. I liked my mothers spankings over other things she did, so maybe I'm a bit biased about them..

I think we just got to know another side of you!! lol-- killing a goat... and kittens... and chickens?!?! Your poor parents... they must've been dumbfounded-- I mean, what is an appropriate punishment for that? (I'm not trying to make light of it-- I'm sure you feel really terrible now-- it's just so out there)

I remember DH telling me about when he was little & his mom was in the choir at church. He hit his head on the back of a pew & it made a loud thump. So he did it again... and again... and again. His mom didn't think it was as cool sounding as he did & he got a whipping.

Free2Sing · July 2011

DEBBIE33CASEY:
We (my sisters and I) were spanked a million times as kids. There was always a reason but it was either misbehaving or not having a clean room, etc. My mom used the tactic, "You're going to get a swatting when your dad gets home" or "just wait until your dad gets home" and she instilled a fear of my dad with us. He was always the one to carry out the punishments. So we always feared him and that's NOT something I will ever do with my kids (at least not routinely!).
And I KNOW my dad took out some of his aggressions/frustrations on us with his spankings. Granted I was the child so I could remember things differently than they were but I know the spankings often lasted too long or were too hard. It's certainly nothing I would ever want to inflict on my children. I don't want them to feel physically threatened by me like I did my dad. I love my dad but I think his spankings borderlined physical abuse. I refuse to cook with a specific wooden spoon when at my parents house (or buy one like it) b/c it was their preferred "tool" of choice for spankings. I don't think it was right of them to do that. It's one of the few things I hold strongly to that I want to do differently than my parents did to me.

I'm so sorry-- that is definitely a different kind of spanking & shouldn't happen. Also why I agree with not having spanking at schools or daycares-- if my child is spanked, I want to know that it wasn't over the top. If used, it should be something that the child remembers, but also that we're able to laugh about years later (as some of us are able to now).

I also agree with the "wait until your dad gets home" thing-- it's okay sometimes, especially if mom is having a particularly rough day & the kids aren't listening to her anyway (which was my case), but overall, if dad's at work all day, don't make him the bad guy the second he walks through the door.

samakasrc · July 2011

My parents were divorced. My dad spanked us for every little thing we did. My mom on the other hand never spanked us once. We were much better behaved at my mom's than at my dad's... odd I know. My mom was much more clever with her punishments, like the time I slammed my door over and over (I blame hormones I was about 13), my dad would have spanked me, my mom removed my door for 2 weeks. I never slammed my door at my mom's house again... I preferred my mom's form of punnishments and hope I can be as clever as she was. I will say though, she wasn't against slapping our hands if we were grabbing a knife or something hot. And I believe my brother got spanked once for running out in the road...

kcvasquez · July 2011

We were rarely spanked as children but when we were it was for a good reason and let me tell you, we never ever did whatever we got spanked for again! I remember one time in particular I was probably seven and my job was to wipe off the table after dinner, I threw a fit and then threw the washcloth at my dad's face. I swear he turned beat red and I remember that being the hardest spanking I ever got. After that there was never an argument as to me washing the table again.

kcvasquez · July 2011

samakasrc:
My parents were divorced. My dad spanked us for every little thing we did. My mom on the other hand never spanked us once. We were much better behaved at my mom's than at my dad's... odd I know. My mom was much more clever with her punishments, like the time I slammed my door over and over (I blame hormones I was about 13), my dad would have spanked me, my mom removed my door for 2 weeks. I never slammed my door at my mom's house again... I preferred my mom's form of punnishments and hope I can be as clever as she was. I will say though, she wasn't against slapping our hands if we were grabbing a knife or something hot. And I believe my brother got spanked once for running out in the road...

LOL!! My dad did this to my sister! She never slammed the door again either! It's just funny to know other people's parents have the same ideas, this one I would definitely use on my kids, especially when they're teenagers!

lindz7000 · July 2011

I was a pretty good kid and my parents only used spanking as a last resort. I think I was spanked maybe once or twice. Once was for running into the street and I was too young to be reasoned with, so the only way to get through to me was a spanking. I feel like I remember being spanked another time, but I don't remember what it was for.

I definitely don't want to spank my kid(s), but I feel like that's one of those "never say never" things. I mean, if my child does something dangerous and that's the only way to get through to them, then that's one thing. But for mouthing off and other day-to-day behavior issues, I think a time out or something like that is how I'd prefer to discipline.

DEBBIE33CASEY · July 2011

_fowler:
DEBBIE33CASEY:

We (my sisters and I) were spanked a million times as kids. There was always a reason but it was either misbehaving or not having a clean room, etc. My mom used the tactic, "You're going to get a swatting when your dad gets home" or "just wait until your dad gets home" and she instilled a fear of my dad with us. He was always the one to carry out the punishments. So we always feared him and that's NOT something I will ever do with my kids (at least not routinely!).

And I KNOW my dad took out some of his aggressions/frustrations on us with his spankings. Granted I was the child so I could remember things differently than they were but I know the spankings often lasted too long or were too hard. It's certainly nothing I would ever want to inflict on my children. I don't want them to feel physically threatened by me like I did my dad. I love my dad but I think his spankings borderlined physical abuse. I refuse to cook with a specific wooden spoon when at my parents house (or buy one like it) b/c it was their preferred "tool" of choice for spankings. I don't think it was right of them to do that. It's one of the few things I hold strongly to that I want to do differently than my parents did to me.

I'm so sorry-- that is definitely a different kind of spanking & shouldn't happen. Also why I agree with not having spanking at schools or daycares-- if my child is spanked, I want to know that it wasn't over the top. If used, it should be something that the child remembers, but also that we're able to laugh about years later (as some of us are able to now).

I also agree with the "wait until your dad gets home" thing-- it's okay sometimes, especially if mom is having a particularly rough day & the kids aren't listening to her anyway (which was my case), but overall, if dad's at work all day, don't make him the bad guy the second he walks through the door.

Yeah my dad wasn't exactly thrilled about being the bad guy. I would be seriously pissed at DH if he made me be the bad guy by doing his dirty work.

Lucky for my parents I turned out pretty good and fairly normal! But then again they kinda slacked for my younger sisters (my mom admitted they got kinda burned out with the youngest) and one of them has some decent issues now. So it's hard to say if the discipline worked or didn't! I guess there is no way to really tell since every person is different!

luckylindy · July 2011

I got spanked a total of 4 times in my life. I can honestly say that all but one of those I 100% deserved. The only one I didn't deserve came from a frustrated parent who lost control for a few minutes.

The first time I got spanked I was jumping on my bed next to a window. My mom was pregnant with my brother and was terrified I was going to fall out of the window. She told me to stop numerous times, to which I ignored. Finally she grabbed me, bent me over, whacked me once and I stopped jumping on the bed.

I think another time was because I refused to stop saying, "d@mn."

I can't remember the third one's reason, I think it was because I drew on the wall and then bold faced lied about it.

The one I didn't deserve was over a pillow after a horrible vacation. My dad was frustrated and took his aggression out on me.

velveena · July 2011

All the freaking time! Mainly for 1. forgetting/not listening the first time I was asked or 2. doing things they considered irresponsible. I was very forgetful and constantly losing things (i.e. my glasses, expensive jewelry, etc.) so it happened a lot. I was a very frustrating child for my Dad who was very structured, and never forgets anything. At the time I remember wondering if it was abuse but now I know it was pretty much a cultural thing - very common the way they grew up in India.

crystalw13 · July 2011

I remember maybe 10 years ago telling my mom that I knew I had been spanked a lot as a kid. She was horrified, and said that I'd actually been spanked maybe 5-6 times. Thinking back, she was right, but I think the fear of being spanked for doing something wrong made it feel like i could be spanked at any time.

I remember being spanked because my sister and I were fightig woke up our parents on a Saturday morning. I remember another time where I had to choose between my mom or dad spanking me, and I went with my mom because I knew she didn't spank as hard.

Reading thsee posts makes me think about how I don't want to spank my own children. There are very specific and detailed memories from long ago listed, and I cringe at the thought of creating such long lasting memories this way.

Free2Sing · July 2011

Starbuck128:
I was spanked all the time. My mom loved spanking and just hitting in general. I can't remember the reason for any of the punishments, but I definitely remember the punishments. The worst was in 6th grade and I was hit so hard in the face that my head slammed into the floor and I blacked out for a second. I remember bleeding and my Mom dragging me to the bathtub and seeing my blood cover the bottom of the tub. My Dad wasn't any better. All of this had, and still has, a huge negative affect on me. Needless to say I hope I never, ever strike my child, even with what most would consider a harmless spanking. I don't judge parents who choose to spank, but I don't think I could ever hit a kid. It would probably be more traumatizing for me than my child.

I'm so sorry-- that is terrible. If I'd been through that, I wouldn't want to do it either.

Not that any parent wants to-- in fact, I'm not sure I could actually spank my child, but I'm just not against it (as long as it's not in an abusive way).

On another note-- with what a PP said-- I think it's very interesting that several of us remember exactly what we were spanked for, even if it was many times being spanked. To me, (and EVERY situation is clearly different) that's a good thing- I remembered the crime, the punishment, and the moral of it (listen to & obey my mom). But it's also obvious from reading these that there is a very big difference between spanking as a punishment and spanking as abuse (disguised as a punishment).

ronnie day · July 2011

My brother and I were spanked all the time by my dad. My parents were divorced and my mom didn't discipline us at all. I feel bad sometimes that my dad always had to be the bad guy. But I respect him for it today. We spank my daughter, but it's more like a quick easy tap on the rear to get her attention when she decides to ignore us.

Ninasama · July 2011

I was spanked a lot when I was a kid, but it was only when I was doing something that could hurt someone or was dangerous. I feel like I wasn't hurt permanently by it. It was the nasty things my mom could say when she was mad at me that lasted a lot longer.

Sascha3 · July 2011

I probably did as a baby but I only remember my last one. I was maybe 7 or 8 and I let my babysitter have her boyfriend in the house. Not fair, not my fault:(

mrs_kelly1014 · July 2011

Lots of things. It was the go-to punishment for my parents. If I even looked at my dad with a snotty face (as I'm sure I did as a teenager), I was slapped or spanked (when I was younger).

Based on my personal experiences, I absolutely will never spank my children. Ever.

amanda1ann1 · July 2011

I got spanked all the time and so did my five bothers and sisters and I thank my mom for it . I think there is a difference between a beating and a spanking . I got spanked maybe to the a age of 8 or 9. I never crossed my mom as I got older . I knew if I did something wrong I would get a spanking so it made me thing about things before I did them. Some kids dont need spankings and some do I was a kid that needed spankings.

BritanyV · July 2011

All the time by my mom. She was a B**** and used spanking inappropriately. It wasn't about discipline, she was doing it out of anger and loss of self control. The last time she tried to spank me, I was in my late teens and slapped her back. I think if she had used it appropriately, it wouldn't have been a big deal. She was also very emotionally/mentally abusive.

I try really hard not to let my anger get the best of me when it come to discipline. We do lots of time outs and talks.

laramiek · July 2011

samakasrc:

My parents were divorced. My dad spanked us for every little thing we did. My mom on the other hand never spanked us once. We were much better behaved at my mom's than at my dad's... odd I know. My mom was much more clever with her punishments, like the time I slammed my door over and over (I blame hormones I was about 13), my dad would have spanked me, my mom removed my door for 2 weeks. I never slammed my door at my mom's house again... I preferred my mom's form of punnishments and hope I can be as clever as she was. I will say though, she wasn't against slapping our hands if we were grabbing a knife or something hot. And I believe my brother got spanked once for running out in the road...

This was me! I would storm off to my room and slam the door every time I got mad. I was in high school at the time. I came home from school one day and no door! My payback to them was going in the bathroom and slamming the door haha. I mean were they really going to remove the bathroom door??

My parents used different forms of punishment. When we were younger we would have to sit in the corner or in a chair. Or if 2 of us were fighting, we would have to stand in the corner and hold hands for 15-20 minutes (my brother would always squeeze my hand so hard and when I'd whine about it we got another 5 minutes added on). When we were old enough we did get spanked but no more than 3 times and never with an object. Mom & Dad always believed that you should never hit your kids with anything other than your hand so you can feel how hard your hitting and never more than 3 spanks. Three gets the point across, more than that is just for the parent's pleasure.

This may be an issue with my FI and our LO. He grew up with getting hit with a belt and he said that he will spank our kid with a belt if he/she deserves it. I firmly believe in not using objects and using only your hand. We have a while to figure it out so I guess we will see!

BritanyV · July 2011

Starbuck128:
_fowler:
On another note-- with what a PP said-- I think it's very interesting that several of us remember exactly what we were spanked for, even if it was many times being spanked. To me, (and EVERY situation is clearly different) that's a good thing- I remembered the crime, the punishment, and the moral of it (listen to & obey my mom). But it's also obvious from reading these that there is a very big difference between spanking as a punishment and spanking as abuse (disguised as a punishment).

Exactly! This is something that I have been discussing a lot with my husband. Many of the other posters here mention the same thing: a fear of disobeying their parents. I also think that a fear of disappointing your parents also goes hand in hand with that feeling, especially as a child gets older and is more self aware. I think that fear of disappointment seems to be the most effective form of discipline for teenagers. But to get to that point, your kid needs to have some sort of respect for you and a knowledge that despite anything you love them.

My entire life my parents were verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. There was no fear of disappointing them. I was always a disappointment. Did they love me? They certainly never gave any indication that they did until I was an adult. (Too late and go to Hell.) Did I respect them? LOL! My parents had no sway over me, which could have really backfired. Luckily I didn't want to disappoint myself so I was a good kid, had good friends and got good grades.

The bolded was definitely me! I wanted to rebel sometimes but I knew I'd just be hurting myself in the long run so I never did.

fightingravity · July 2011

laramiek:
samakasrc:

My parents were divorced. My dad spanked us for every little thing we did. My mom on the other hand never spanked us once. We were much better behaved at my mom's than at my dad's... odd I know. My mom was much more clever with her punishments, like the time I slammed my door over and over (I blame hormones I was about 13), my dad would have spanked me, my mom removed my door for 2 weeks. I never slammed my door at my mom's house again... I preferred my mom's form of punnishments and hope I can be as clever as she was. I will say though, she wasn't against slapping our hands if we were grabbing a knife or something hot. And I believe my brother got spanked once for running out in the road...

This was me! I would storm off to my room and slam the door every time I got mad. I was in high school at the time. I came home from school one day and no door! My payback to them was going in the bathroom and slamming the door haha. I mean were they really going to remove the bathroom door??

My parents used different forms of punishment. When we were younger we would have to sit in the corner or in a chair. Or if 2 of us were fighting, we would have to stand in the corner and hold hands for 15-20 minutes (my brother would always squeeze my hand so hard and when I'd whine about it we got another 5 minutes added on). When we were old enough we did get spanked but no more than 3 times and never with an object. Mom & Dad always believed that you should never hit your kids with anything other than your hand so you can feel how hard your hitting and never more than 3 spanks. Three gets the point across, more than that is just for the parent's pleasure.

This may be an issue with my FI and our LO. He grew up with getting hit with a belt and he said that he will spank our kid with a belt if he/she deserves it. I firmly believe in not using objects and using only your hand. We have a while to figure it out so I guess we will see!

Spanking that leaves a mark is physical abuse. If a teacher/clergyman/counselor/etc. ever sees or is told about those marks, they are obligated to report it to child and family services and your child can be taken away from not only FI but also you, if you knew about it and let him do it.

Letting your FI know this may help him change his mind about using a belt -- I can't imagine any way of spanking with a belt that wouldn't leave a mark.

As I mentioned in another thread, the research says that spanking makes behavior worse over time, not better. There are lots of other, more effective ways to help your child behave.

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