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Attachment Parenting
anna7602
member
Children's book that made me uncomfortable
anna7602
member
I bought DD a book I vaguely remembered from my childhood before realizing there's an unpleasant spanking scene, and an even more unpleasant scene in which the doll promises to do whatever the bear who spanked her wants as long as he won't leave her. It's "The Lonely Doll" by Dare Wright. If you've read it, or have it, or remember it, I'd love to debate its merits and drawbacks with you before I decide to give it away or shelve it for a few years. I've been reading through the reviews on Amazon (link way below, if you're interested) and there are some good points about the book serving as an exploration of things like misbehavior and loneliness and about how perhaps we are applying too rigid a standard of modern society to read it today. I'm a BIG proponent of literature exploring uncomfortable themes and have long rallied against censorship of any kind. It feels a little bit hypocritical to eject a book from my home because I don't like the spanking scene. But really, I hate it, and I hated having to explain it to DD last night as we read the book.
I don't feel like my 3-year-old is ready for these themes yet and I sincerely wonder whether I should hang on to the book for some future date or just disregard my free speech side and toss it, meaning give it to a used bookstore or library. I'm not saying NO child should read it, I'm just thinking maybe it's not the right fit for my child/my home. Does that make me a crazy censor?
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Re: Children's book that made me uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure as long as you're not burning books in your front yard you're ok. I mean, I hate max and ruby because I think ruby is a ***. I dislike Barbie books because they're vapid and senseless. I choose books with good stories and amazing illustrations for my child and early reader books now that she can identify some words. Am I "censoring" books that I think look stupid on the shelf? I would not buy this book because it sounds warped. But I wouldn't call that censorship. Is "taste" censorship?
Is it that black and white?
Yeah but along those lines, we talk about fairy tales. And we ask a lot of questions about our books. I don't outlaw Cinderella, and Snow White but I do point out some weird things and talk about how they make me feel. We also just tell stories and make stories up and I love that. I have to get some of these stories on tape for her. She's hilarious retelling them. And as she gets older and gets more perspective, we'll challenge them more and more. I'm a feminist who is constantly questioning the world around me. But I have raised a pink princess loving child who will get there too. Princess books and Fancy Nancy are books teaching my child to read right now. She will literally sit and retell stories and obsess about words and letters if it involves a princess. She'll toss it if I try something else. I won't interupt that process because I have a perspective she doesn't yet. After she learns to read, I'll step in with some audre lorde.
I loved The Lonely Doll as a child. I found it at the library and had to get it almost every other week. My mother hated it and would try to distract me, but I was having none of it. I loved that they used real dolls, and teddy bears. I could look at it for hours.
That being said, as a grown up I think it is a rather creepy book. The doll and the bears are dated, and I agree that the whole spanking thing is a little much. I don't think it would be wrong if you got rid of it. If you choose to keep it I think that is okay also, because I agree that it is important to help children learn to challenge ideas they are presented with.
I do not understand why you would read a book to your 3 year old child that you hate and whose themes seem to promote abuse (I have not read the book). I do not let my children watch TV that is too mature for them and I do not consider that censorship. I choose books for my kids that are age appropriate and have themes worthy of discussing. I also choose books that are just fun; star wars for my 5 year old and princesses for my 6 year old. Casting a book aside is not censorship. Don't over-think parenting, just have confidence in your choices.
All things said, I'd hold off and wait for the point where you think DD will be able to handle the themes of the story (I haven't read it but now I'm curious!) and use it as a teaching moment if you want. My opinion might change later, but I've been reading The Hunger Games trilogy, which is designed as a young adult book but has very heavy themes and violence. However, with the proper guidance there are a lot of teachable moments and I could see reading it with a young teen and discussing it and I'm really enjoying it as an adult.
However, if you just want to chuck the book, go for it. We have a few that I chuck, but mostly because their literary POS and lack any type of sensible plot. Most of Dr. Suess's longer books have a political theme that I can see discussing with M later but right now he just enjoys the cadence of the story.
OK see, I think this is... odd.
I agree Fred. But the pull of the princess is incredible. Not just any princess (I bought those real life hard working princessbooks) she wants Disney. And SHE WANTS IT ALL THE TIME. I've tried adding plot lines but she recognizes words now and knows. I'm telling you man. The fight is a big one. Sometimes you can still let it go for awhile and win later.
My mother was a huge hippie. Made her own baby food, cloth diapered etc. etc. We never watched TV growing up and did not know who any of the princesses were.
Even though we grew up in a very small community, other girls were aware of and infatuated with these characters. They used disney stories and other commonly known characters as the basis of make believe and the topic of many conversations between children.
My sister and I had no reference or way to communicate on these topics. We were at a huge social disadvantage. There was a time where my sister and I were suspected of suffering from some sort of social disorder or possibly mental disabilities. After the urging of our teachers my mother sat us in front of the T.V. we learned about the smurfs, my little pony, sesame street, care bears, fraggle rock, etc.
I don't think it is ethically fair to a child to keep them so sheltered from things out in the world that they cannot participate in the society in which they will inevitably become a member.
There is a balance between sheltering a child and overexposing a child. I think that each parent should make responsible decisions in order to try to find this balance. When deciding to expose a child to something it is an opportunity to be the first to explain things to a child in order for them to understand it. There may be a time where you are out in public where your child witnesses a parent spanking a child, maybe this is a good opportunity to talk to your child. But only you know your child and what you are comfortable with. It's all about finding that balance. (I say this from my experience as a child, not as a parent, my child is only an infant, so I really can't say where I find that balance at)
I got to the part about the spanking before I realized it was there. I didn't remember that scene at all from when I was a kid, I just remembered the book. So I ordered it online, it arrived and then we read it together at bedtime. That is why I ended up reading it to my 3-year-old. I recognize that I should have read the book through first, but I had such a good memory of it. And having such a good memory of it is what makes me wonder if perhaps I encountered it when I was an older child and better able to process what happens in the book.
LOL Fred. Smart move, but let me tell you. The first time a kid shows up at her preschool with an aurora doll, its game over. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE MAN!
Nah, do what you can. My big mistake was getting a bunch of videos for 1.00 at a Salvation Army thrift store and thinking this was a great idea. Snow white was our first one. She wasn't 2 before she was running around my house screaming "BURIED ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" I figured it was all up hill from there man. :P
anna - have you read Cinderella Ate My Daughter? i might have suggested this before, I can't remember. but it has a very interesting part about fairy tales (applicable for parents of boys or girls really)... there are some scholars (can't remember names, i had to return the book) who believe the grimm brother's fairy tales should be read to children, no dumbing down, blood and all. i believe the theory was that it gives an outlet to children for all the angry feelings they have in real life, so it's kind of cathartic (instead of teaching them horrible things which is how our society now view things like that).
similarly, i just got a book from the library called Crictor -- i had read a very interesting article about the author but while reading the book do my DD (again, i should've censored it first), i got uncomfortable with the scary robber that steals from the old woman. would it make DD have nightmares?!? but people in amazon reviews talked about how they loved that book so much as a child... so i dont know.
i have old books given to DD that used to be mine, and i think they were actually my dad's as a child so they are old (hahaha)... and the three little pigs roast that big bad wolf in a pot over a fire and eat him for dinner. i dont know if it's really all that bad...
Bruno Bettelheim is the one mentioned in Cinderella Ate my Daughter.
Interesting perspective. I think you did reco this book before because I remember trying to get it through our local library after hearing about it somewhere (probably you, here). I'll pick up my search again! FWIW, the Spanish-language version I have of Little Red Riding Hood is pretty graphic and DD loves it way more than another "sanitized" version we have.
I love you, Fred.
And I'm totally with you.
On the creep factor, we have this book. Not for anywhere near the same reasons, but the idea of my MIL sneaking into our bedroom to rock my DH is just...ACK! Plus the themes of "love mommy before she dies" were a bit much for a toddler.
https://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Forever-Robert-Munsch/dp/0920668372/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1310522522&sr=1-1
I hate that book too. Not for the sneaking into the bedroom thing but just because it just icks me out.
that is really interesting about the spanish book! yeah sounds like you'd like that section of Cinderalla Ate My Daughter. overall it wasn't my favorite book ever, but it was still good. the fairy tale part was probably the most interesting and thought-provoking. the rest was just okay.
thanks!!
That book weirds DH out too. He was talking to me about the "creepy, stalker lady" and DS must have overheard our convo b/c the next time we were reading it to him he referred to the mother as the "creepy, stalker lady."
Now, I on the other hand can personally relate to the story b/c I could see myself wanting to be close to my babies even when they are all grown up, but I have to say that I would in fact stop short of breaking and entering their homes.
See, I absolutely do not call personal taste - censorship. At all. I find that very extreme. Censorship to me is a strong action. Like Jo coming home with a book she finds really interesting and my taking it away because it doesn't jive with my personal taste or saying flat out "I refuse to have any Christian novels in my home". I don't do that. I wont' do that.
But I won't be buying my kid the whipping boy anytime soon because she's super sensitive and would.not.understand that. She hates books about outerspace right now so if she sees them she gets freaked. this is not censorship. It's personal taste right now. That's it.
Are you feeling a cosmic shift? We're agreeing on something. IT MUST BE SO!
My child is in the library once a week or so and in a bookstore the same. Sometimes I scoot her over to the bargain section and say "have at it." Is this censoring the 40.00 hardcover picture books?
I just think we're discussing apples and oranges. No one is ripping a book away from their child or outlawing literature in their homes.
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16