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Postpartum Depression
I want to love my baby....
Here lately I cant help but to look at her and almost hate her. She has colic and the doctor suspects acid reflux as well. My days are filled with loud screaming and tons of crying on both our parts. I really want to love her and have the same connection other mom have with their babies. Im guessing its all the stress and being by myself for 12 hours a day while my husband is at work. He helps out where he can,but thats usualy the last hour of her day and shes not as bad.
Im scared to tell my doctor tomorrow when I go for my 6 week pp appointment, however I dont know where to turn. What have you ladies felt or done?
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Re: I want to love my baby....
I'm just lurking but I wanted to say I know how you feel about not having DH around. Mine also works 12 hours and during the first few months it was AWFUL not having someone around to help.
Definitely talk to your doctor. I was so glad I did. I'm on some medication now that really helps.
Also, do you have some friends or family around that can help out and give you a break now and then?
You love your baby, I am going through the same situation, I am a single mother work full time, lately I have been feeling very stressed and depressed, I recently separated from the father and he humiliated me, and said he would sue me to take LO away from me, and I cannot afford a lawyer, I earn about 70 dollars a week, and it is not enough even to buy food, thankfully my mom and brother help me out with formula, but it has gotten very hard, and I have been having these same feelings, as if I didn't feel any love for my baby anymore, and have also been having intrusive thoughts, it is awful, but I am praying to the Lord help me relax, I keep stressing about bank loans, car needing fixing, I can go on and on about the problems but all I can say is I know how you feel, and that feeling is caused by stress and depression, it can be treated you Love your baby, I know I do because I care about him, and I know I love him, a mother cannot stop loving a baby, get help, I will....
God Bless!
You absolutely have to talk to someone about this!! If you really want to love your baby, then you need to do whatever you can to change your hateful feelings towards her. Talk to your doc, he/she can give you the help you need, or refer you to a therapist who can. Even if you just talk to moms who've been there, done that, please petition anyone you can for help. You've already taken that first step just by asking theBump moms. I'm not a therapist, so I can't tell you what to do, but I do know that much of your anger is the aggravating noise of her colicy screams and fussiness. I had depression over not being able to breastfeed my son for something around 10 weeks. I talked to my family and my husband and eventually, the searing pain subsided and I began to live and feel normal again. I can till cry about it, but then it was a heartbreaking situation for me. I really wanted to, but my son was born with a cleft lip and was unable to create the suction needed. I never felt like I hated my son, but there were times where I couldnt bear to hold him because it just wasn't working. The only way I got over it was by talking it out, and asking my husband for help and understanding. It wasn't until that point that I began to feel everything negative subsiding. I had felt like he didn't understand me or care about what I was going through. We talked it out and realized we both had issues that the other had no idea about. Tell your husband exactly how you feel. Let him in on how much you feel like you hate your baby. If you really do hate her, you are dangerously close to hurting her. Some women get so depressed and have feelings like they hate their baby so much that they neglect the baby or even actually try to hurt the baby.
A trick I read about, when the screams get you to the boiling point where you're about to do something you will sorely regret later, lay the baby down in her crib be sure she's safe, close the door, and breathe for few minutes. Ask your friends, family, or neighbor you trust to take over watching your baby while you take a few minutes to relax and calm down away from the noise of your baby. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you a normal human going through postpartum depression. Don't let it beat you. You didn't carry that adorable bundle for 9 months just to hate having her around now. Even if that;s how you think you feel, you need to change your mind. Literally, tell yourself you love her. When you look at her, say out loud that you love her. Even if her cries are grating on your nerves, tell yourself how much you really do love her. Watch her while she -finally- sleeps. Say it softly outloud to her. Ultimately, your goal is to convince yourself that you love her, because you know you do. Just wait til you can tie her hair up into little pigtails with ribbons. Imgaine her beautiful life. You'll catch that lovin feeling.