I feel like a horrible mother :(

redshoegirl · July 2011

Will spent 2 solid hours crying this evening - he's been sick, was very tired, etc. Dinner was disaster, he wouldn't even settle down and stop crying when I held him on my lap to try to coax him into eating a little. At bath time, I ended up yelling at Dash because just when Will was starting to get back into a good mood, Dash hit him across the face.

I've yelled when I was surprised/in pain (like if one of them bit me or something) but not AT either of them like that - and I full on roared at him. Dash just looked at me in shock, eyes all huge, and I felt so bad.

I've never felt so frustrated with them before, but it's not like I could even walk away for a minute just to breathe and take a break because they were in the bathtub.

They're in bed asleep now, and I just want to curl up and cry. I feel so tired and stressed and this single parent shiznit sucks. I don't know how single mamas do it - I take my hat off to them, because right now I feel like a horrible mother.

Crying

stargirl76 · July 2011

Oh no, I hope you (and Will) feel better. Though I have no firsthand experience, I've heard that all mamas need some time to themselves and you've been doing everything by yourself. With twins. So I can only imagine how tough it is. Props to you for doing so much already! Hang in there and hopefully you guys will be moving to be with Ben sooner rather than later...

sanae78 · July 2011

Aww, hugs, Lisa! It's hard! I have a hard time with ONE, I can't imagine having to care for two kids by myself. (And I hardly ever have to take care of her by myself. Usually not longer than a few hours.) I get really frustrated with K A LOT because she is just so crazy and stubborn sometimes. I'm sure it won't be the last time you yell at them. The first time had to come sometime. :P

Have a glass of wine and relax. Don't feel bad. You're a wonderful mother, and don't ever forget it!

cecig · July 2011

Don't be so hard on yourself Lisa! Like the other girls have said, you are a fantastic mom. Moms are human too you know, and it's okay to blow off a little steam. The boys know you love them and they will forgive you.

And i take my hat off to you you, because I cannot imagine the patience it takes to take care of twins!!

lelekay · July 2011

Aw, don't feel too bad. Dash knows you love him, and even the best of moms (of which you are one!) lose it a little bit now and then. You'll feel better in the morning after some rest, and he'll be waiting with a smile for some snuggles!

vanilla15 · July 2011

lelekay:
Aw, don't feel too bad. Dash knows you love him, and even the best of moms (of which you are one!) lose it a little bit now and then. You'll feel better in the morning after some rest, and he'll be waiting with a smile for some snuggles!

ditto this.

and what about your in-laws or any close friends? are they around to help out a bit?

Married2MrWright · July 2011

Big hugs Lisa, try not to beat yourself up. You're doing the best you can, and well, sometimes the cup runs over. I had a similar moment with Libby last week...I've never raised my voice at her, ever...we were trying to get out the house (to Hawaiian Honey's eldest's bday party) and Libby was just a mess, having one fit after the other. I lost my cool when, for the fourth time in a row, she took her shoes off! She was screaming, crying and carrying on for over an hour.

Finally, I was very stern with her and just put her in her crib and walked out. I was so angry. And then I felt horrid. But I left her there anyway. J came home soon after and I left, without Libby. After I returned home, J said she slept the whole time I was gone! I felt even worse. After she woke up, I gave her lots of hugs and kisses and apologized for getting frustrated with her. I have no idea if she knew I was apologizing, but I said, "sorry" and she knows what that word means. Anyway, I guess I am saying that if you feel like it, make ammends to your boys and know that this will not be the last time something like this happens. I've also decided to try to come up with alternative strategies for myself, before I lose my cool. (((HUGS)))

redshoegirl · July 2011

Thanks everyone. Smile Things are looking a lot brighter today - the boys only woke up twice last night, so it helped that well all got some more rest.

vanilla15:
and what about your in-laws or any close friends? are they around to help out a bit?

Normally yes but at the moment it's a bit of a perfect storm. My friends can help out during the day, but they all have young kids and can't come over in the evening (when things are worst). My ILs are normally fantastic, but MIL is away visiting my SILs for a few weeks and FIL is pretty old school - he looooves the boys but is one of those men who doesn't know how to take care of young kids (Ben loves to tell a story about when he was 2 years old and had a poopy diaper, his dad was home alone with him and just took him outside and hosed him down). I think that's a big part of why this is so difficult right now - my usual support circle isn't around. Sad

inamra · July 2011

Don't feel bad! This happens to all of us! I always feel horrible after I yell, even if it's disciplinary or if LO did something dangerous that freaked me out. Super props to you for handling twins on solo baby duty! And you NOT a horrible mother! You're most definitely one the best moms I've ever met, even if not IRL. Hang in there and hope this time until you guys finalize the move will go by as quickly as possible!

vanilla15 · July 2011

redshoegirl:

(Ben loves to tell a story about when he was 2 years old and had a poopy diaper, his dad was home alone with him and just took him outside and hosed him down).

no way! oh FIL!

well this too shall pass, but I hope this perfect storm passes quickly!

HulaLove · July 2011

I'm chiming in way late. I read this the other day on my phone and wished I could respond right away. I was visiting Russ in the town we're moving to and they only have dial up (here is where you can feel sad for me - haha!).

I've yelled at Elyse.

I feel terrible even typing that. I was SO sick with morning sickness and she tried to stick her hands in the toilet while I was getting sick. It was terrible.

I've started reading The Happiest Toddler on the back. It discusses how a toddler's brain works. For example when Elyse is having a tantrum or hitting I talk to her in a calm voice saying things like "sweetie, I know you're having a hard time, but we need to have gentle hands." They jist of the book is that toddlers don't understand that. They suggest mirroring your toddler's emotion a notch or two down and saying things like "I understand you're mad, mad mad. Elyse no hitting. No hitting." But you say it in a bit of an emotional way. Then once they calm down you talk to them normally.

I thought it sounded like junk, but I've tried it out a few times and it seems to help with the emotion in the moment.

Your perfect storm will pass! You're doing a great job!!

kinibruin · July 2011

i'm late on this too. i just want to say it IS difficult with 1. and it's difficult with 2 that are different ages. but you have 2 the same age!

it's a struggle i see with my sister and her kids. they just really know how to keep going, right? but seriously, they really don't remember

i can't believe you're doing it all yourself! you're so strong! i'm in awe of you!!!

mrspresley · July 2011

sorry I am late to respond.... I know you more needed the support a few days ago and not now but I wanted to mirror everyone else's sentiments in saying that what you did is normal and although it was the first time it won't be the last time. no one's perfect and you are not less of a mom for what happened - in fact, you're a better mom now b/c you working to figure out ways to prevent things like that in the future.

I have a hard time keeping my cool with Miss A sometimes, too. it is hard when you can't reason with them and they can't tell you what is going on. there's a Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD that I plan to check out from the library.... much easier for me to do than read but that probably isn't an issue for you!

just know that you're not alone and this happens to all of us!

redshoegirl:
he looooves the boys but is one of those men who doesn't know how to take care of young kids (Ben loves to tell a story about when he was 2 years old and had a poopy diaper, his dad was home alone with him and just took him outside and hosed him down). I think that's a big part of why this is so difficult right now - my usual support circle isn't around.

LOL that is hilarious! what a great story to share

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