Don't want to know Gender; DH Does

giggles9393 · July 2011

Anyone else not want to know the gender but your DH does? We were originally both on the same boat of not finding out; but now I think that the suspense is killing him and he is begging to find out on Friday.

I really really want to be surprised at the delivery (We found out with DD) and now I'm not sure what to do. Anyone else in the same boat?

( HEHE: I was thinking of calling the Dr and telling her that on Friday to tell DH that the legs are crossed and they cannot tell .. Evil I know haha )

mjay79 · July 2011

DH would LOVE to know, but I have been very firm about my decision. We found out for our first. The second, the doctor wrote it on a piece of paper for Hubby only and I found that paper a few days later by accident. So this time NOBODY knows!!!

Qmommy · July 2011

Let him beg. Once the a/s passes the anticipation will dissipate a little so he wont be so anxious / eager to find out. I would try to stay firm and hold your ground. Tell him you'll take him out to his favorite restaurant if he stays with you on not finding out.

katie0919 · July 2011

Estwd2:
I think in this case there is no such thing as a compromise. Someone's gotta give in. Good luck!

Agreed. Have you thought about letting him find out if he can keep it a secret from you? I have a friend at work who is pg and that's what they did with their last baby. Otherwise, if you don't think you want him to know and you don't know...then one of you is going to have to give in to the other. It's a tough situation! Sorry!

Fletcha · July 2011

Estwd2:
I think in this case there is no such thing as a compromise. Someone's gotta give in. Good luck!

We had a compromise planned out, actually. I wanted to wait, DH didn't think he could... well he wasn't going to be able to be at our u/s anyways, so we were going to have the tech do some kind secret indication (envelope, certain outfit wrapped up, etc) and then at our co-ed "baby party" in Sept or Oct, then we would share the reveal with all our close friends and family. That way there would still be anticipation and an emotional reveal moment kind of like the delivery room for me and he would still have to wait for a bit longer than usual.

But then he said he thought about my reasons and decided it would be worth it to wait! Big Smile

OP, if you are planning on having more children, you can always find out/or not with the next one...

2gr8pits · July 2011

I was in this boat then DH talked to some people, including doctors, that didn't know the sex and everyone who doesn't know says don't find out! So then he was on the same page as I was. It will be exciting if he gets to announce it in the delivery room! So you could have him talk to people that don't know. We also determined we would spend a lot more money if we knew now, everytime we saw something cute in the store we would buy it! So you can tell him it's so you can save money Wink

And here is how it went when we went in the room. The tech said, do you want to know the gender? I immediately said NO and that was the end of it....he wouldn't have had the opportunity to say yes if he wanted to before I said no. And now it is no big deal that we don't know.

michellemarie7 · July 2011

A girlfriend let her husband find out and he promised to keep it a secret-and did. It was cute, she had him pick out and wrap the coming home outfit, and he did what she asked-I thought it was a win win. It's all about compromise-no?

jaminjeff · July 2011

DH wanted to know and I didn't, but I couldn't stand for him to know and me not to know. I thought about it and he was being so accomodating on everything else and I was wavering on finding out or not, that I finally gave in. I think if he was being picky about other things I would have had a hard time but he has yet to say no to anything I've wanted to do for this pregnancy.

b.heather · July 2011

With our first my DH wanted to know and I didn't.

We had the u/s tech write it on a piece of paper for DH, and he had to swear not to tell.

We put the paper inside a piggy bank so I'd have to break it open if I wanted to find out. DH kept it a secret from everyone the whole time! He enjoyed it, and I did too.

I still have the little piece of paper in the piggy bank and will give it to my DD when she is older :-)

danivolk · July 2011

We did not find out the first time but DH wanted to so bad. I figured it really didn't matter as long as we have a healthy baby. This time around we are finding out out of compromise.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · July 2011

My theory is YOU are the one carrying that child around for 9 months...you make the decision.

scarlettoctober · July 2011

I really wanted to be Team Green, since this will likely be our only child. DH really wanted to find out. I thought long and hard about it and decided to find out the gender. My reasoning was that I get to experience so much more as the mom. I was the first to know LO was on the way, I got to feel him moving long before DH did, the spotlight is pretty much all on me. DH has been so totally supportive of me doing whatever I feel is best for me - has more than pitched in with the housework, groceries, etc. Finding out the gender was the one thing he really wanted, so I agreed. I'm glad I did, because it was the right decision for us.

MissBHaven1024 · July 2011

I've had a couple of friends who went through this situation, and ultimately the spouse who wanted to know was told, and never let the secret slip out. For me, I wouldn't find it fair to have to wait if I wanted to know and my husband didn't, and vice versa. The baby is equally each of ours and we should be able to know what we want to know about the baby. That being said, if you decide to let your husband find out, he needs to be very clear that it's just for him to know and that you want no part of it. He can commit to keeping that secret, then I think there's nothing wrong with him finding out. Either way, good luck!

gmedlock · July 2011

I don't want to know but DH does so when we go find out, only he and my 14 year old DD will be told. I have 100% faith that they can keep it secret AND it's a good way for my DD to feel more included in this process. She'll be "in on it".

No one, and I mean NO ONE else is going to know. MIL and SIL are NOT happy about that but they'll just have to get over it.

DH and DD are going to call LO "he" and "she" alternately so if they slip, I won't know if it's a slip or on purpose.

giggles9393 · July 2011

Thank you! I think I am going to let him find out tomorrow but not let him tell anyone else. Since I know they will all harass him for the info, I think we'll just have to tell everyone else "legs were crossed." Thanks for the advice!

BTW I like the idea of having him get the coming home outfit!

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