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May 2011 Moms
"Because it's weird"
This was my father's response as to why I cannot breast feed DD in the living room, and why I need to be in solitary confinement when I breast feed. Wow! Then I start grilling him as to why it's weird, and he has no response. He just keeps the terrible things comin'. He says it's just not something that needs to be done in public, my response? "I'm not, I'm in the living room!"
He is the only person I'm "not allowed" to breast feed around. And honestly, it makes me uncomfortable because he is so uncomfortable with it! Ugh! Normally when I'm visiting my parents I don't mind going to my room to nurse, but all I wanted to do was sit and be with my family tonight, and I'm getting less time with them because of my father's ignorance of breast feeding. Why does it have to be so taboo to some people?! It's one of the most natural things I can think of! Plus, I'm a freaking breast feeding wizard, no one sees a single flash of skin when I nurse! I nursed her the other day in front of half my family (minus my father) and no one knew I was doing it!
Sorry for the long vent, but after my second child, it's just getting old! I just needed to get that off my chest. Anyone else have reluctant family members? What do you say/do?
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Re: "Because it's weird"
Tell him "tough t!ttie" as my DH says lol. I think it's fitting for the situation.
But being serious, can your mom stick up for you? I know I didn't want to nurse in front of my dad and my mom just told me to go ahead, that he would deal, and if not she would set him straight. I think just having other people around that vocally support you might smarten him up.
This is how things work with my inlaws, my father in law will leave the room and once I get settled, he'll come back in! My MIL stuck up for me and told him to get over it. My mom is uncomfortable with it to. She's gotten better about it, but she flips when I nurse around my brother. I just don't know what is wrong with my family! I feel badly for my soon to be sister-in-law, she is pregnant, and wants to nurse but is afraid that it will be too hard as she can't really do it at my parents house. How terrible.
And by no way am I anti-formula. This is just what I do, and I wish my family would accept it.
With my oldest, my mom thought I was insulting her by BFing and it was my way of saying that she was a terrible mother for giving her kids formula! UGH! My family is crazy!
I think it's just mixed messages. Boobies in a magazing = porn. Boobie to feed baby = natural.
Some people can't see that difference and end up feeling odd that their daughters/sisters/friends porn pieces of out on display.
I know this is offensive because it is your father, but I always think people creeped out by BFing must be some sort of deviant. I mean, how much have you sexualized breasts if you are uncomfortable with someone feeding a 2 month old?! And yes, culturally, I can understand if people are weirded out by BFing say a 2 year old or 5 year old or 8 year old, but an infant?! And that is really sad that your SIL would FF because it makes your dad uncomfortable, ugh. I hope you can convince her otherwise!
And this is coming from me, the biggest BF prude in the world. I BFed in seclusion when my MIL was here for a week and again when my mom was here for a week. I will BF in front of DH but yes, I can even get uncomfortable then, too. Then again, I don't wear shorts either.
The first time we went to my parent's house my mom made a similar comment about how it made my dad uncomfortable. They live 30 minutes away and that day I spent half of the 7 hours we were there in my childhood room feeding my 1 week old. A bunch of people were coming over to meet him and I kept hearing my mom say that we would be out in 'a minute'- at that point he was taking about 45 minutes to feed- no pressure
.
I've decided to be extremely careful when latching that nothing is seen, but I basically refuse to go hide anymore. I came to see everyone and if I wanted to sit in a room alone I'd just stay home- then I could bump or watch tv while he feeds. If they start saying they have a problem with it then I plan to tell them that we're not visiting anymore and they're welcome to come see us and leave when I start to BF. He eats every 2 hours most of the day- every 1.5 sometimes. If we went between feedings then we could only stay 30 min to 1 hour.
It also takes me 2 hours to pump a bottle for him so that's not a practical option. My mom has now offered to buy me formula (she thinks we're just BFing because we're cheap/poor) so we can bottle feed at her house.
I don't think it's deviant but I do think it shows discomfort with women's sexuality and failure to understand that breastfeeding is not sexual.
OP, I'm sorry your family is acting this way. Are they acting this way when you are in their house or in your own house? I might say something like "well if you have a problem with me feeding the baby in your house, I guess we just won't bring her over much."
I'm pretty lucky because my family is pretty accepting of BF. My mom BF all of my siblings in public settings (covered up). I'm from a large family and most of my childhood she was either pregnant or nursing.
My IL are a little uncomfortable with it, but they've never said anything about it.
I am in a very different boat than I thought I would be before I got pregnant. I was one of those people who thought breastfeeding would be weird. I didn't know if I could do it. I thought it would feel weird/make me feel uncomfortable to do it-in general. I had never really had any experience with people who BF before I had my little guy. Now, I love it! I couldn't imagine solely bottle feeding because I feel like it helps me bond with LO and I like that I know I always have food for him. (And it's a bonus that it's free!) And I never, ever thought that I would NIP. Now, I have nursed in the middle of a shopping mall. little cafes, hiking, among other places. I am really glad that I decided to BF, because now it really does just feel like a very natural thing whereas before-I thought it was....awkward? I'm not really sure how to describe it, but I have done a complete 180. Maybe he just doesn't 'get it'. I know I didn't.
But-that doesn't excuse his behavior to ask you to leave the room. Even though I didn't feel like it was this amazing thing before-I never would have asked anyone to leave the room to nurse. That is their child and they need food! I definitely got that. Sorry for the ramble...
They are this way at my house and their house. It sucks because they live 3 1/2 hours away, so I don't get to visit them much. And with a newborn, I spend half my time in a room by myself.
I am also the first person EVER to BF on my side of the family, so they've never been around it before. I feel like by the time I have my 3rd child, they'll be so used to it. I just wish they would get over it sooner.
I'm not defending your dad, but it might be a cultural thing for him depending on his age... I know for some of the older generations they see breastfeeding as a sign of being poor and other generations see it as a "hippy, free spirit, screw you" kind of statement. If he's of a mindset like that, then I can see why it would make him uncomfortable. Doesn't make it ok for him to make you feel bad about it, though. If you're covered up, he shouldn't complain. *sigh* The endless battle of breastfeeding...
BFP #1: 9-20-2010 EDD: 5-25-2011 DD #1 born: 5-23-2011
BFP #2: 6-14-2012 EDD: 2-15-2013 MC: 6-19-2012 5w5d
BFP #3: 7-18-2012 EDD: 3-26-2012