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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Does positive reinforcement work on your 3 yr old?
S has many behaviors I would like to curb, but he's a toddler so it's expected. We use a variety of disciplinary methods combined with positive reinforcement when he does something he's supposed to do, but it seems to have the opposite effect on him. For instance, a big battle we're having is him sitting down and eating. He likes to get up and run around and do everything but eat, but if I take his plate away he screams he's hungry. Love the power struggles, but I digress... If he DOES sit and eat and I say something like "great job - thank you for sitting and eating" it's almost like I'm reminding him of the other things he could be doing that are more fun and he starts running around again. Is it just my kid? He just doesn't seem to care about positive or negative consequences. This is the kid who will "help" me take toys out of his room if he's throwing them or playing instead of sleeping, etc. He is the definition of willful!
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Re: Does positive reinforcement work on your 3 yr old?
The area where I have seen it work the most is with her behavior towards her sister. Like if I "catch her" doing something sweet I lavish on the praise, then the next time she'll point out how shes doing something nice and again I'll thank her, praise her possibly reward her. She is very proud of being a good big sister. But that is the only context in which it works for us.
The eating thing is a struggle here because she'll just sit there for over an hour, sliding down in here chair, standing on her chair, jumping up and down, "accidentally" dropping utensils etc. Drives me nuts! The only thing that helps curb this behavior is send her to bed hungry (she usually pulls this stuff at dinner)! Which I have done once, and she got better for a few days but is digressing into this behavior again.
E has gotten bad with this habit lately. DH has taught her how she can eat snacks on the couch so now she wants to eat on the couch all her meals. We have started "rationalizing" with her a bit. So what we do is something like this:
US: E, do you want cereal with milk on it?
E: Yes. On da couch.
US: No. You can have cereal in your chair.
E: NO! NO! NO! I don't want it!
US: Ok.
E: I want cereal with milk on it.
US: Then you need to sit in your chair.
E: OK! (runs over to her chair)
I hope you understood that. Hope it helps.
DS is the same. I think he enjoys negative attention over praise, and if I praise him it's like reminding him that he should be doing something else like goofing off. I often catch myself and actually refrain from praising him in the moment, and I'll do it after the fact. There are also a couple of consequences that are really effective with him (he throws a toy it goes in the garbage, he hits/kicks and loses a bedtime story), but it took a long time to figure that out.
And I'm glad my kid isn't the only one with issues at dinner time. Geez, what is so hard about sitting down to eat???
There is fascinating research out on praise. Alphie Kohn is one of the authors who discusses praise or you can get a quick update in one chapter of "Nutureshock." The basic idea is that positive reinforcement does not work and is in a sense the same as punishment....kind of need to read it to get the whole concept.
I know...not for everyone and totally against modern parenting techniques, but thought I would share.