Do you let your one year old self-feed?

WineCountryWife · July 2011

Just curious what is the norm.

I sit my daughter in her high chair, give her a spoon or a fork, her food, and let her eat by herself. The rule is once she throws something or drops it off the side of her high chair, she's finished, and I pull her out to get cleaned up. Other than that, as long as she's happily eating, I let her be, even if she gets food all over her face and the tray.

My MIL, FIL and grandparents-in-law were here this weekend and think its horrifying. My MIL, bless her heart, I really do love her, was so horrified that she would either feed dd herself, or leave the room so she couldn't see the mess. She reminded me (for the 10th time) that all of her boys ate neatly with a fork or spoon, and never made a mess because she and FIL taught them all not to make any messes. G-FIL agreed, said that was how his children were raised too.

My ODD is 3, has great table manners, doesn't make messes, asks to be excused from the table when she's finished, etc. So, its not about me raising terrors, making messes wherever they go. We are very neat and orderly around the house. I just let my one year old eat for herself, without me forcing her to do it a certain way (besides throwing food or putting it in body parts other than her mouth) or telling her she can't do it on her own.

How does your one-year old eat in your house?

EmmieB · July 2011

oh yeah. sometimes we "help," but for the most part, he's responsible for getting his food to his mouth.

SweetieP · July 2011

EmmieB:
oh yeah. sometimes we "help," but for the most part, he's responsible for getting his food to his mouth.

About the only time I feed her is when we have something like soup or oatmeal...but even then we both have spoons.

kittylove · July 2011

When 1 my son feed himself in the same way your DD does. Now that he is 2.5 we exspect more of him and he is learning to be cleaner. I see nothing wrong with how your DD eats. How will she learn to self feed if she isn't allowed to be a little messy? Those skills take time to master, and while they learn they make messes.

amyfelice · July 2011

My DD often won't eat unless she can feed herself so we have been for a long time just letting the mess go. She tries really hard and doesn't throw the food or anything but hells yeah, we let her make a mess. sometimes I even strip her down so the clothes won't get ruined.

WineCountryWife · July 2011

amyfelice:
My DD often won't eat unless she can feed herself so we have been for a long time just letting the mess go. She tries really hard and doesn't throw the food or anything but hells yeah, we let her make a mess. sometimes I even strip her down so the clothes won't get ruined.

haha totally - I don't even dress her before feeding her breakfast! Whats the point?

And its funny - my DD won't eat from us at all, refused anything we try to feed her. But if Grandma tries to feed her? She's all for it!

futrkingsley · July 2011

I'm going to assume they have all blacked out this stage. Most children require practice to master a skill including using utensils. how is she supposed to master itif she has no practice? Practice is messy. At 1 DS was very intent to feed himself mess and all. He didn't like messy hands so he preferred to use a utensil or whine until we wiped his hands. But he missed a lot and made a lot of messes.

soon2Bkranz · July 2011

Some of my fav pics of both kids are messy faced ones at meal times. JLK was slightly messy...Jonathan almost always ate naked!

tri_bride05 · July 2011

He self-feeds and has been doing so since before he was one. My mom is equally horrified at the mess.

KellyMRocks · July 2011

SweetieP:
EmmieB:
oh yeah. sometimes we "help," but for the most part, he's responsible for getting his food to his mouth.
About the only time I feed her is when we have something like soup or oatmeal...but even then we both have spoons.

ditto to both.

Mrs.K&C · July 2011

KellyMRocks:
SweetieP:
EmmieB:
oh yeah. sometimes we "help," but for the most part, he's responsible for getting his food to his mouth.
About the only time I feed her is when we have something like soup or oatmeal...but even then we both have spoons.
ditto to both.

Ditto to alll, and as we are in the newly self-feeding stage with DS now, I just said tonight, "Oh, I had forgotten how much food they can get on the floor!" Totally forgot that stage. Never thought for a second that DD was a perfect eater but in less than 2 years blocked out how much food ends up on the floor.

NorcalLinds · July 2011

Ditto everyone else. Dylan loves to self feed with little bits. I don't know how else they would learn!

Celyn · July 2011

mine self-feed. I totally disagree with your MIL that you holding the fork teaches your DD to hold a fork by proxy. Practice makes perfect.

f&s2006 · July 2011

P self feeds most of the time. I do feed him when I need to get somewhere quick and don't have time to clean up afterwards. :P

I think it's a generational thing. Both sets of grandparents are a bit disturbed by how messy P gets... and my mom in particular can't stand it. Also, like your kiddo P will happily eat from grandparents but much prefers to self feed with DH and I.

WineCountryWife · July 2011

I do think its mostly a generational thing, though if my DH had it his way he would probably do the same thing his parents did with him. The messes really do bother him a lot. His brother is a stay-at-home-dad and didn't let their dd (now 4) feed herself, and literally pinned her arms down while he fed her until she was old enough to have more control, and even then he was super strict in how and what she ate by herself until she was older (he is also like his parents were and force her to eat everything that is on her plate. . . ).

Thanks for the 'voice of reason,' they were really starting to make me feel like such the truant for the way I let A feed herself!

jsugrin · July 2011

I'm with everyone else on the self feeding so I'll just jump right over to BIL. Holy crappola! It makes me so sad, that a father who is obviously trying so hard to raise his children well is in fact ordering up a lifetime of food issues for that poor little girl. My dad was simply of the eat your entire plate club and that alone had/has had lifelong impact on my eating habits. It's been work, hard ongoing work as an adult to learn to recognize when I should actually stop eating and to let go of the guilt of leaving food on my plate.

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job and if anything are a tad "strict" with the once to the floor and you're done rule. ( I am NOT judging, just saying most "books" and other stuff I've read or seen people do is more of a 3 strikes you're out thing.) so I think the In laws are going to have to stuff it. At least your MIL can leave the room and doesn't feel compelled to rag on you the entire time she's eating.

WineCountryWife · July 2011

jsugrin:
I'm with everyone else on the self feeding so I'll just jump right over to BIL. Holy crappola! It makes me so sad, that a father who is obviously trying so hard to raise his children well is in fact ordering up a lifetime of food issues for that poor little girl. My dad was simply of the eat your entire plate club and that alone had/has had lifelong impact on my eating habits. It's been work, hard ongoing work as an adult to learn to recognize when I should actually stop eating and to let go of the guilt of leaving food on my plate.
It sounds to me like you are doing a great job and if anything are a tad "strict" with the once to the floor and you're done rule. ( I am NOT judging, just saying most "books" and other stuff I've read or seen people do is more of a 3 strikes you're out thing.) so I think the In laws are going to have to stuff it. At least your MIL can leave the room and doesn't feel compelled to rag on you the entire time she's eating.

I know, the BIL forcing her to eat everything really makes me sad. Eating meals with them is always soo awkward, since neice has chosen to assert control over what she eats or doesn't eat (as has no control in any other aspect of her life) and every meal is an all out war.

As for the being finished after throwing once . . . I'm pretty sure I read that in my Parenting with Love and Logic book - (any other love and logic parent out there? maybe I need to go back and read that again. . .). Besides, she knows now I know it is her signal of being "done" when she drops something off her tray on purpose. It usually happens if I haven't already noticed her other cue's trying to tell me she's done because I'm busy with E or my grandma. I don't want to give her any more chances of throwing things, because I'm trying to teach her not to throw at all , since she can tell me in other ways now (she's 16 months and has many words). And if the food accidentally drops to the floor, that's different than her chucking it off the edge of her tray and looking at me like, "what you ganna do about it, huh mom?" I'm not going to give her other chances to test me - in my mind that wouldn't serve any good purpose.

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