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Attachment Parenting
How do you handle gifts that don't fit your parenting style?
I'm usually from the school of you are thankful for whatever anyone gets you and you find a way to use it. HOWEVER, I'm finding this isn't working as well once you have a kid.
I have mentioned several items I wanted for C's 1st birthday (sand/water table, push toys, wagon, puzzles, books, etc). Well stupid babies r us had a BOGO sale this weekend and my mom went and bought him a light up singing laptop and a baby video game thing. We don't let C even watch TV unless we REALLY need to do something or he is having a breathing treatment. He watches maybe 30 minutes a week. I definetly don't want to start my infant out watching TV...and I doubt the thing was cheap.
I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings, but I also don't want her to waster her money. She is at my house several times a week, so it isn't like i could return it for something more our style.
I have made several comments about my thoughts on TV and singing toys...my mom is usually a rock star when it comes to this stuff, I'm not real sure what she was thinking...actually I know exactly what she was thinking, my sister just bought this stuff for my nieces 1st bday and my mom forgot that we are VERY different when it comes to this stuff.
Any suggestions???
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Re: How do you handle gifts that don't fit your parenting style?
I think it depends on your relationship with her. My parents aren't made of money, so I know there's a real investment with every single gift that they give my DD. I'm really careful to tell them that I/we appreciate the gift and the thought behind it, however we don't believe in exposing DD to TV (or whatever) at this age so do you mind if we swap it out for something else like a blahblahthing?
I hate being wasteful, but if I really felt like I couldn't tell someone that we don't want the gift I'd push it to the bottom of the toybox and tell them that DD just hadn't shown much interest in it and try to leave it at that. Since we cycle through toys a lot it would be easy enough to do. I also have an amazon wishlist set up for her that I try to steer people towards to get an idea of our "style".
My ILs buy my DS way too many toys. Most of them are age-appropriate, but if we end up with one that isn't I put it in the closet. IF they ask, I tell them it was too stimulating for DS, and we'll try again in a month or two. That usually buys a pretty good amount of time for us. Most of the time, it's the truth as he's pretty sensitive to sounds and sudden noise.
You just graciously thank your mom for buying your son a gift. That's all you can do. If you don't want your child to play with it (and I don't blame you), you put it on the shelf and save it for your next yard sale ;-)
Honestly, you just can't dictate what people give as gifts. It's rude.
I don't have an issue with singing toys in general (other than the fact that they are annoying as f*ck), but we have received a LOT of loud obnoxious toys from our relatives (all DH's!) and there's not a thing we can do about it.
If it is from someone that lives out of state that we never see, I will just donate the gift. If we can get away with it not getting opened, we will donate them to Toys for Tots at the Holidays.
My dad would constantly quote the d*mn YBCR commercial around DD when she was born...C-A-T, "cat". I got the idea that they might buy it for DD. I told my parents that it was just sight reading and not something that was recommended by teachers. They bought the whole set anyways. I have it, but we don't use it. It came with some flip books, and that is the only thing DD looks at. I'm sure it was expensive, but I told them not to buy it...repeatedly...before they bought it. Oh well. We also tell the inlaws to please not buy anymore toys for DD. They bring toys once a month for their visit. Then they comment on how "no child needs this many toys" when they go into her playroom. LOL. We just donate everything that DD shows no interest in or that we don't want.
I would just say thank you and personally, I'd try the toy out. Everything in moderation. I had a friend who was so anti-tv and video games, etc. that whenever the kid was around such things he was completely obsessed.
It's really tough and I agree with what some of pps said. I don't have any other specific thoughts, just wanted to say that I sympathize. It's especially hard when you see your parents spending lots of money that you know they don't have "extra" of on something your LO might not like and it's even worse when your LO has a terrible reaction to something they made a huge sacrifice to buy. This happened to us with a dancing Elmo doll a few years ago. My parents spent a ridiculous amount of money on this thing AND spent hours in line at Toys R Us to buy it for DD's first Christmas. They made a huge deal out of this gift, even though I felt like it wasn't age-appropriate at all for a 6-month old. DD absolutely freaked out (in a bad way) when she saw the thing dance and to this day, cries every time my parents try to take it out of the closet at their house. My mom still acts very hurt about it and keeps insisting that it's a fabulous toy she spent a lot of money on and she doesn't understand why DD still refuses to play with it. Ugh.
You would think this experience might have influenced my parents' future toy purchases, but it didn't. They love things that light up, dance, talk, etc. I've thrown my hands up at this point. It's a miracle if I can just get them to respect my wishes when it comes to bigger issues, like not fighting in front of DD (my mom, again, is the problematic one with this one).
I agree with this. Our parents know our lifestyle and values and the types of toys that DS has/doesn't have. They also know that we don't think it is at all necessary for DS to have a lot of toys. Perhaps I am rude, but we have always been up front about this..even when I was pregnant, so for the most part it has not been an issue.
I guess I should add that both of our parents agree with our lifestyle and values...and perhaps prefer to buy "educational" toys. Perhaps that is why it hasn't been such an issue. Even our nieces get similiar type toys from DH's parents..so I don't feel I am forcing something with them.
This is why god created gift receipts. I never give a gift without one and I am not shy in asking for one (in a very nice, plesant way that does not offend the giver). Usually something like this:
"Thank you so much for XXX but DC really doesnt react well to loud toys (or lights or whatever might be ojectionable even if made up) and I would love it if I had your OK to return this for something he could enjoy more"
GL :-)