Why guilt over formula feeding?!

CancunSunsetBride · July 2011

I hate this guilt I feel about the thought of switching to formula, be it either partial or exclusive formula, I can't seem to get over feeling like I've failed I don't feel this way about others that are FF, it just seems to be a personal thing, that I really wish I could let go of!

We've been EBF since day 1 and DD latches great, in fact a little too great, she's killing my nipples! After the first week and a half of severe pain, mostly just before my let down but even after feeding, we went to a BF center to see if a LC could help with our latch... basically I'm giving her all nipple and not enough breast which is causing the open wound right above my one nipple, and a crack in the other. She showed me the right way to do it, and for a while I was doing it properly, but now it's back to hurting again.

More than the pain, I'm getting tired of the constant pumping to build up a reserve supply for when we are out and about. It seems to take me a few days before I have enough for her to make it through even one feeding!!

I guess this is more of a vent than anything, but how do I get over the guilt and the feeling that I'm being selfish and failing DD?

Mrs.Saxy · July 2011

this is why DS1 was EP for 4 months and DS2 was on formula after 2 weeks. After my guilt with DS1 I told myself if the BFing didn't work and pumping was too involved I would do formula. I have no regrets. I got longer sleep because I wasn't pumping, cleaning, and feeding in the night.

Formula isn't a monster, it isn't poison. Honestly, my DS1 was sicker than my friend's baby who was FF from day 1.

I support you, it's hard to sit through the pain. If you want to continue BFing, try a nipple shield, it will help with the poor latch and pain. You will still have pain, just not intense.

BabyBurns · July 2011

Here's how I see it; happy mom= happy baby. If you're not happy with the feeding situation, YOU change it so that you're happy. She will continue to thrive and gain weight regardless of what you give her.

The only reason I'm still EPing is because I'm off for the summer and really have no excuse not to. But when I go back to school I'm cutting way down because I just don't want the hassle of trying to pump at school. If she needs to be on formula by then, so be it! Don't stress...do what's best for you so that you can be a better momma

disneyfan0511 · July 2011

You aren't failing. Failing would be letting your baby go hungry. I think it's common for moms to feel guilt if they formula feed, but formula isn't BAD for the baby, and your LO will be just fine!

kathrnn · July 2011

Like PP said, failing would be letting your baby go hungry.

I had problems in the beginning when I was BFing my daughter as well, and had to supplement with formula. It was very frustrating, but in the long run formula is better than a hungry baby. It took me about a month before BFing became comfortable, so congrats on sticking it out for this long. It's tough, but ultimately you need to do what's best for you so you can do the best for your LO.

SarahBXander · July 2011

Im right there with you, and I cried for days until I finally sucked it up and gave DS formula few times. You get over the guilt a little after a few days. My problems were due to latching issues and low milk supply due to letting my nipples heal and not pumping as much. What matters is that your LO is gaining weight and getting the nutrients she needs. It's a personal decision, & if your lifestyle is calling for FF your LO, then just do it. Don't let people's judgement pursuade you, this is YOUR child and you will do what works for you. My LO has been FF and fed pumped milk for a week and a half now, and its easier on all of us, and my stress level is lower (which was important to me). Don't feel bad about FF, I know its tough to not think you failed, but believe me, you arent the first mom to feel this way. It all just takes time to adjust, you can do this! GL

aruiz1982 · July 2011

You feel guilty

aruiz1982 · July 2011

You

aruiz1982 · July 2011

You feel

aruiz1982 · July 2011

You feel guilty because you know you

aruiz1982 · July 2011

You feel guilty because you

aruiz1982 · July 2011

You feel guilty because you know you wouldnt be doing the

aruiz1982 · July 2011

You feel guilty because you know you wouldn't be doing the best for your child. Nipples hurt and crack for the first like, 5 weeks from what I understand. Then they heal. There is no way in hell I will give formula to my baby unless it is a medical emergency. Formula smells and so do formula babies. Have you looked at the ingredients? So gross, I wouldn't eat anything like that. So neither will my child.

RingOfFire11 · July 2011

no, you feel guilty because of people like this...

pinkflipflops44 · July 2011

possibly look into a nipple shield. we use one and she wont latch without it but it makes it sooo much better.. just something to try.

magnoliablossom00 · July 2011

Yes

That was extremely rude.... just FYI. Breastfeeding is not an easy thing for most women, and people like YOU make other moms feel bad about not starving their babies. It was great of you to consider her feelings as a FTM who is struggling with keeping her sanity v. BF/Pumping/FF. Awesome.

aruiz1982 · July 2011

No. People feel guulty because deep down they know its wrong.

andreaholt11 · July 2011

This is ignorant. I feel bad for your child breastfed or not.

OP- Do whatever makes the most sense for you and don't listen to people like that.

Nancy729 · July 2011

Seriously, take your judgement elsewhere.

katie4253 · July 2011

this!

CancunSunsetBride · July 2011

wow - I'm sure you never eat anything processed either right? And FYI nipples shouldn't hurt from BFing, and certainly not for 5 weeks.

CancunSunsetBride · July 2011

Thank you everyone (else)! I really appreciate the kind words and understanding. regardless of what we decide to do, i'm going to feel good about making it a month and for doing what's right for our family

Heather & Nayt · July 2011

Screw you. it's people like you who make people feel lower than dirt, so grow up and take your ignorant self somewhere else.

OP, don't feel bad about it. With DS i was heart broken when they told me he still wasn't gaining weight after doing everything in the book to get some sort of supply in. I let the guilt eat me up for almost 6 months, even though there was nothing I could do about it. I also let people make me feel bad about it. He is smart, healthy and perfect in every way even though he was given formula.

This time around I tried to BF again, and I was able to supplement feed with her for the first 6 weeks. Again, I had supply issues. I pumped for the first 4 weeks but gave that up when I was spending more time with the pump then with my family and getting nothing for the effort. Last week i gave up BF since she was still starving after each feeding and still needed 3-4 oz of formula.

I have zero regrets going straight to FF, I know I tried my best and any little bit is better then nothing. Don't feel bad, and go enjoy a few guilt free drinks. That helped me get over any little bit of guilt I may have had!

jlmoore812 · July 2011

Don't feel guilty, you have done what you can do and that is all you can ask of yourself. If formula was truly "harmful" or "bad" doctors would not allow it and it wouldn't be sold in stores. Also I recently switched from EP to formula and talked to my lactation consultant who is also a great family friend and asked her what she thought about it as a friend and medically and she said what I told you you've done what you can do, it;s time to move on. she also said any amount of time you breastfeed is an accomplishment whether that is 1 year or 1 day. So congrats for making it work for this long

EJChapman123 · July 2011

Breastfeeding truely is difficult and demanding. So is exclusively pumping. I made it 6 weeks and gave it up (EP that is) and switched her to formula last Thursday. My marriage and mental health is in a much better place. Do I still get sad when I look at my boobies and know they are feeling useless? Sure. (And how weird is that? Never thought I would feel sorry for my boobs).

When I wrote a post about switching to formula on the May board, the women were fabulous and made me feel so much better. I hope I can pass along some of those warm & fuzzies to you, because at the end of the day formula is NOT poison.

I hate to throw out the "do what is best for you and your family" cliche, but ... do what's best for you and your family. And then smile about it. And enjoy yourself and adult beverage or two without the guilt.

HollySC13 · July 2011

Shut up.

I felt guilty too when I was having to supplement feed. But I realized that a baby that was full with breast milk and formula is better than a baby starving on breast milk alone. I hope it gets easier for you. I used a nipple shield and it helped with the latching problem we had and some of the pain. I never did get an adequate supply though, even with pumping.

FacciaBella83 · July 2011

I think it is absolute BS how people want to crucify you if you don't breastfeed. You know what I say to those people? Mind your own effing business and worry about your own children. You only feel guilty because people act like you're a horrible mother if you don't. Screw them.

kewltif · July 2011

Parents do LOTS of things that aren't "best for the child." Aruiz- are you doing every single last thing that the parenting books preach? I would find that highly doubtful.

kewltif · July 2011

I am in a similar situation and I completely understand why you are so upset. I had a breast reduction years ago and I guess I just didn't acknowledge to myself that breastfeeding might not work. My baby lost a pound in the hospital and I was told I had to supplement. I combination breastfed/supplemented for the next 3 weeks and my supply did not get better at all. I really don't think all of my milk ever came in.

I was upset about switching completely to formula, but honestly, everyone in my house is happier for it. Happy mom = happy baby. I spend more time holding my daughter and playing with her when I'm not completely sleep deprived or constantly pumping after feedings.

Suz12 · July 2011

WOW.... You are a ***

mbunches21 · November 2011

I am feeling very guilty about introducing my little guy to formula as well. I was BFing exclusively from day 1 to day 5, at which point I started losing my mind with the nightly feedings (LO wants to be on the boob all the time) and my husband talked me into giving him formula. Now we are BFing during the day, pumping to keep up my reserves, and giving 2 bottles of formula during the night. I love the fact that the formula keeps him asleep for up to 4 hours at night but I can't help feeling guilty for giving in to it, especially so early on. I always thought I would BF for 6 months. To make matters worse, I went to a La Leche League meeting today to try and get some help with latching on issues and I felt totally attacked when I admitted I gave my son formula. They made me feel like I should stop with bottles altogether and feed every 2 hours around the clock. While I understand where they are coming from, I feel like I don't want to give up those 4 hour nightly naps. I know this is selfish but I was just starting to get over a serious case of baby blues and now this guilt is putting me back into a very depressed state. I don't know whether I should listen to the BF specialists or continue doing what I'm doing.

queenanne21 · November 2011

no one should feel bad wether they are FF OR BF .Having a baby is not easy and it could take a toll on anyones sanity. i have been BF since day one and I have lost countless hours of sleep. Its time consuming, exhausting, and i cant enjoy certain things like i did before.plus im hungry all the time. I do it because I can but eventually i will feed my LO formula and she will be fine.BF is great because its free, i lost the baby weight and i dont have to warm up a bottle in the middle of the night but it is also the most difficult thing i have ever done.id much rather give birth again.to me breastfeeding is a talent not everyone can do it. I cant sing or dance but i can breastfeed.the first week was very hard my nipples bled and they were extremely sore for the first 3 days i had to formula feed and breastfeed because she was born with coombs and i did not have enough milk. id like to BF for 3 more months if i can but if i cant im not going to beat myself up. I am a mom and as a mom you make decisions that will benefit both of you. the only that worries me about formula is how much it will cost me

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