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April 2011 Moms
VERY, very long, but any advice or help....please
Ladies, I do not know what is going on with me and it is
very scary, not-to-mention I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Here
is a little background about me: FTM, 22, married, now 10 weeks pp.
Developed anxiety four years ago out of the blue in college, but chalked
it up to past issues that made me start getting anxiety and panic
attacks etc.
I got on Lexapro in 2008 in college and it helped. Stayed on it until
2009 and weaned off when I got married. I felt great for a while, no
anxiety and then it relapsed and I got back on meds in Fall '09. Around
March or April I was just "sick" of taking meds and always thought that
was a crutch and just weaned myself off again.My husband and I moved
July of 2010 because of my husbands new job. We celebrated our once year
wedding anniversary in August and happened to conceive our LO that
night.
I started grad school and was getting excited for the baby despite the ups and downs of "life" we were going through.
Well I would say that around 6 or 7 months pregnant my anxiety
started creeping back big time and IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ADDRESSED THEN. I
was constantly worrying and obsesssing about everything. MY grandmother
also passed away around this time so that did not make it any better.
Well, birth time came even though I was having increased anxiety in
the hosptial about EVERYTHING. However, I had a wonderful L and D
(around 12 hours, pushed for an hour, and 2nd degree tear) I was elated,
I was in love with my LO, but yeah my anxiety was awful worried about
me something happened to me or the baby in the hosptial, bleeding to
death, blood clot....you name it...
Well day of discharge I remember I had no sleep and out of it when
the dr came in to discharge. She talked about PPD and anx a little bit
and said I got get on meds to nip it in the bud or come to the office in
a week to see how I was feeling. Now looking back I wish I would have
started something then, and that discharge was more through....but I was
not thinking about me at the time....I thought it would go away.
Well, I have a perfect baby as far as how she eats, sleeps and
behaves. I mean yeah the first two weeks were like anyone else where
baby is up every 2 hrs...but I was happy and I felt normal. The only
thing going on was constantly obessing about something happening to me
or LO.
Well 6 weeks pp came for my check up. I was telling how in love I was
with my LO, but my anxiety was back and had been for a while and I ask
her about getting back on Lexapro. She thought it was grea I regonized
it and wrote me the script.
I was scared about getting back on meds and kept teeter tottering
around about getting back on them. I didn't start taking them until a
week later. Started with 5mgs. by day three of meds no appeitite I
started getting horrible panic attacks like I had never had before, I
just thougt it was my anxiety and that the meds would eventually help.
This went on like everday, just felt nervous and panicky. Well my mom
gave me some Xanax of hers because of the way I was feeling. Well
Friday June 24th, day five of meds we are packing to leave for FL and I
can't even get excited for the trip. ;( I got the worst panic attack in
my life that night where I thought I was dying, my heart was beating out
of my chest...took a xanax and it calmed me down so much.
Left for FL Friday night got to FL Sat about 10 hours later. I was
started to get excited for the week, but felt the panic coming on
again..erg. We get to our room, tired, but excited. HERE IS WHERE ALL
HECK BROKE LOOSE...We got to get something to eat and this wave came
over me of feeling detached..like who am I, not feeling attached to my
LO And husband anymore. I didn't feel real or myself. Totally
wierd...thought it was lack of sleep....Sunday I woke up feeling normal
and thought ok maybe it was just lack of sleep. Well this wasn't the
case all week, I felt so wierd and so off. I stoped taking the Lexapro
on Monday because I thought that was it. I was researching everything on
line about the way I was feeling. I mean one minute I would feel
myself, happy, normal....and it may last a day or two hours, but then
the wierd wave come back over me of feeling like a zombie, not
myself...etcThis went on all week. ;(
Well before we left back home at the end of the week I got another
horrible panick attack and took a xanax. Keep in mind that I EBF and I
pumped for like 12 hours the first time I took one going down to FL and
then on our way home.
Well here it is 2 weeks later since all of this crap happened and I
am totalyl freaked out. I have an appointment with my ob today. I do not
know what is going on. Did the Lexpro trigger some adverse affect,am I
suddenly bi-polar, is it hormones, or did PPD hit. I do not feel myself
and it sucks. I have this beautiful baby who I love so much and I feel
like a zombie, just staring out in to space not feeling like myself for
hours, then I will feel like myself again I when I do I am like omg
plese don't go away. I was such a happy person before and I have never,
ever felt like this before. For anyone who has read this book, bless you
and any advice you may can give.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: VERY, very long, but any advice or help....please
You are so brave for being able to talk about this openly. I am so happy to hear that you are making an appointment to see you OB. I think it is a mixture of all the things you mentioned......general aniexty, ppd, and hormones. I would bet most women have experienced some of the things you are mentioning, but not as intense or not all at once. I think questioning who you are and not feeling like yourself is a very typical experience after having a baby....but with the anxiety and possible ppd it must feel so much more intense. I don't have any advice, as going to your OB is the best choice you can make right now.
Lots of hugs, you are not alone and things will get better. I would maybe even ask your OB for a referal to a counselor as you make this transition into motherhood. Again, you are being a great person, mom, and wife as you are seeking help outside yourself. Good luck. I hope you will update us when you get back from your appointment.
First of all HUGS!! it can be a number of things and the best thing is your seeing your OB today. I hope they can get to the bottom of this and you can start to feel your self again.
Let us know how things went at your appointment.
I am in no way qualified to give any medical advice, but I really feel for you, so here's 2 cents:
First of all, you should probably see a general practitioner or a psychiatrist - someone who is more qualified than an ob - to deal with the depression and get your meds under control. I'm sure any doctor will tell you that all the on-off-on you've been doing is a bad idea. Plus, you might not be getting the help you need with Lexapro, and maybe the doc will recommend a different anti-depressant.
I also wonder if you're having an allergic reaction to the Xanax. In some people, it can CAUSE, rather than remedy, anxiety. Again, a qualified physician will probably be able to recommend a different anti-anxiety med. Klonopin, perhaps?
I've had anxiety/depression issues for most of my life, and I know how hard this must be for you. I hope you get the help you need! Please keep us updated!
I totally agree. You can also look for a psychopharmacologist who is a person who just deals with the meds.
Some antidepressants can cause more anxiety, but since you have used it in the past, that seems more unlikely. As you know, it can take 2-3 weeks for it to get in your system and they may need to up your dose as well.
It sounds like you're on the right track to getting help and I hope you start feeling better soon.
Mac and cheese lover!
I was having anxiety as well, and it has been over 10 years since I had a problem with anxiety. I started taking Paxil (which I had taken 10 years ago with no problems) and it was a DISASTER. After 7 days of medication I had the worst day of my life. So it's definitely possible the Lexapro could make your symptoms worse, even if you had taken is previously with success.
You need a psychiatrist to evaluate you and determine if you should be on medication at this point, and if so to manage it properly, and to be on call so you can ask questions. Do not settle for OB or primary care to make this decision. Also you should find a good therapist to teach you other techniques to manage anxiety.
Here a few things I have learned to help improve anxiety without medication. These have help me tremendously:
1) Eat well. NO Caffeine. At all. Limit sugar and eat higher sugar items with protein.
2) Use your body. Clean, garden, excercise. But do it with a purpose. So do one chore at a time, force yourself to focus on it and do not multitask.
I started taking 30 minutes every day to go swim laps when my husband gets home from work. This helped a ton. I cut out all caffeine. Most sugar. I have tried to stop multi-tasking. Started seeing a therapist. I have been feeling better, it has been about 2 weeks since discontinuing Paxil.
It WILL get better. And don't worry, you are not bi-polar (I asked that question too)! I was told people do not suddenly become bi-polar after pregnancy without previous symptoms.
Also - this is the time to call in for help from your family and friends. When this happened, my Aunt, who I had never really asked to help me before and who lives 5 hours away, came and stayed for 5 days and helped out. Think about who you can ask to come help you.
Hugs to you!! I hope your appointment went well. I got hit pretty hard with PPD about 3 weeks after DS was born, right when he was discharged from the hospital. I had a history of mild depression/anxiety but was never on meds for it, just had psychotherapy. After a few weeks of trying to battle it on my own, I finally asked for a Rx and was put on Zoloft. It took me about 2 weeks to adjust to it (was sooo tired and kept getting dizzy), but then started to feel more like myself again. I have also been seeing my therapist once a week.
I highly recommend going to talk to someone. It has helped me so much over the last ten years and I have learned some great techniques to help me get through anxiety attacks and freak outs. This isn't a subsitute, but could be helpful- The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook. You can find it on Amazon. I have used is many times to help get me through some tough times.
I also found it so helpful to take time for myself. I would just go out for coffee with a friend, or upstairs with a book for an hour. Just getting some "me" time helped me to recharge.
I wish you the best, and things do get better, especially if you get the help you need. My DS is now almost 5 months old and I feel like I'm just now getting in to the swing of things. Hang in there! Asking for help can be the hardest part.