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Moms with Older Boys...Help

MichellTheMommyMichellTheMommy
in Parenting

Ok, so something happened today that is something I never even thought would happen and completely caught me off guard.

My 8 year old DS came back from a BBQ at a park with some friends.  He and another boy used the restroom and thats where things got weird.  DS is circumcised, and the other boy was not.  DS had never seen "the other kind" before and asked his freind about it.  DS's friend told him that DS's thing had been cut, but his parents loved him so much that they wouldnt allow anyone to hurt his.

 When DS got home, he asked me about this, and I really wasn't quite sure what to say or how to anwer.  I never really expected this question, and am actually a little upset another kid would impy we didn't love DS (although I am assuming the other boy got this at home from his parents).

 Has anyone else dealt with this?  Does your DS know if he is/is not circumcised?  What age was he told or did he find out?  And, how many boys actually are circumcised/uncircumcised?

 Sorry for a long, rambling post, but I'm not really sure how to answer DS's question or how to deal with this. 

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Re: Moms with Older Boys...Help

  • MichellTheMommyMichellTheMommy

    Thanks for answering the poll question, but can anyone offer any advise? Has anyone had this experience before with their sons?  If so, how/when/at what age did you deal with it?  Thanks.

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  • sugarpsugarp
    Both of my sons are uncircumsized, but I have never had this experience. I think it would be natural for boys to be curious why their privates may be differnt from others and question it. I'm thinking that this boy's parents probably have strong feelings and or opinions about circumcision which have been discussed with the son. Of course, I would be taken back by this conversation he had with your son, but I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I would just point out to your son that of course you love him and having a circumcized penis or not has nothing to do with the amount of love a parent has for their child. I would then tell him the reasons some parent do, and some parents don't. Religion, problems with infection, looks, whatever. Good luck and don't worry about this anymore! Kids say the darndest things and I think us parents internalize it so much more.
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  • EdithBouvierBealeEdithBouvierBeale

    it seems weird to me that 8 year olds are getting such a close up view of each other's wangs...I can see..4 year olds or 5 year olds, but 8 year olds?

    what were they doing?

    we did not circumcise my son. If it comes up later in life why some people were circumcised, I guess I'll just say that we didn't see the need to cut off any of his skin when he was a baby? (IDK, that is the truth.)

    I think it's a much bigger situation that your kid was close eough to another kids penis to notice it was different. I would think that if they were jut stopping in to take a pee, it would have been unnoticeable.

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  • MichellTheMommyMichellTheMommy
    I don't see how the would nto be able to see when using a urinal.  I don't think its much of an issue with them just seeing each other, and I have heard that ever grown men will occasinally sneak a peek at his neighbor at a urinal.
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  • summerbrideDCsummerbrideDC

    My son is circumcised & I'd be furious if some kid said something like that to him.  What the hell is wrong with teaching your kid that "different people do different things" instead of "oh, well other kids' parents don't love them if they circumcise them."??!!! WTF? 

    I totally get the argument for not circ'ing & I can appreciate it for other people.  But circumcision is a religious issue for us & I'd be beside myself if someone told my child that I must not love him bc he's circumcised. 

    I would just go the "different families do different things based on what the believe or think is best."  That's pretty much how I explain the fundamentalist Christians next door whenever my son asks about something they do/believe that is different from us. 

    And emphasize that you and your DH love him very much, no matter what some other kid's parents say.


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  • MichellTheMommyMichellTheMommy
    imagesummerbrideDC:

    My son is circumcised & I'd be furious if some kid said something like that to him.  What the hell is wrong with teaching your kid that "different people do different things" instead of "oh, well other kids' parents don't love them if they circumcise them."??!!! WTF? 

    Yes, this is pretty much how I felt.  I really don't care much what other families do with their kids, but the words "my parents loved me so much they wouldnt cut mine" is really what upset me.  Its almost as if ds is coming to me after someone implie that he was loved less.  I guess that is what really has me so concerned about all this.

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  • MichellTheMommyMichellTheMommy

    So does anyone have any experience discussing circumcision with their DS?  How many of you have or have not had a talk about it with your DS?

     At what age did your DS realize or find out he was/was not circumcised?

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  • CFCND07CFCND07 member

    I'm so sorry this happened to you and your boy. It saddens and repulses me. My son is circumcised.  Any future sons will not be.  There is definitely a paradigm shift going on with regards to circumcision in the US today and we will continu eto see much more of this and will have to help our sons deal with it in either direction.  Where do you live, out of curiosity?

    Just as I wouldn't want my son to tease anyone (whether a brother or a friend), as was previously unfortunately commonplace in many areas of the US, for having a foreskin, I would expect that parents would try to be gentle when educating their children about circumcision in any direction.  It is irresponsible, in my opinion, for parents to tell their children they were not circumcised "because we loved you and didn't want you to be hurt" and not include in this conversation that many boys are circumcised and their parents love them too but choose it for this/that reason.  I do not think this conversation is impossible to have even if you wish to explain to your son why you do not think circumcision is a necessary choice for most boys today given risk/benefit, etc. as I intend to teach my son.  But overall, he will know that he was loved when that choice was made as were all other little boys when their parents decided to circumcise them or not, and it was done with his best interest at heart using the best information we had at the time.  I will protect my circumcised son from such nonsense and "predators" such as these, as much as I intend to protect future sons who will not be circumcised from those who think there is something wrong with their anatomy for some reason.

    Love your son.  Explain that you chose this for him out of love and because you had his best interest at heart.  And let him know that there are many circumcised boys and men in the world (possibly dad, who he may relate to?) as there are many who are not, and either way he will be fine.  Answer any follow-up questions as they arise and only according to his maturity level.  Above all let him know that you are glad he came to you and he should continue to do so for any reason. 

    best of luck and I would love to know how things go. 

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