I can't open the door.

Mrs Nice · July 2011

Hi Ladies, I am fairly new to this board. I lost my son when I was 34wks pregnant, on March 6, due to an umbilical accident. I recently found out that I am expecting again. My due date and my birthday is March10. The night before I lost my son, we had been working on the Nursery. My parents had come over to help, and it was a wonderful evening. When I came home from the hospital after my loss, I saw that my parents had packed everything into the Nursery and closed the door for me. I have not been able to open the door and go in yet. I had already had one baby shower and we had got a lot of stuff already, but there is still a lot the we will need. I told DH that I don't want another baby shower this time until after the baby is born, so I will be spreading out the cost and buying things myself with every paycheck. On Friday I bought the crib bedding and I love it! But, I still can't bring myself to open the door and put it into the Nursery. I still feel like that room is my sons room. I should be happy and excited, instead I am sad and scared. Thanks for listening.

TeacherVicky · July 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you are going through this.

((Hugs))

amu1234 · July 2011

I am so sorry for your loss! It's only natural to feel the way you're feeling especially being PgAL. Just do what you need to do to do find some joy with this pregnancy. I don't think there are any ladies on this board that don't feel some degree of fear and sadness. I hope you have a very happy and healthy 9 months, and that you find the comfort here that I have.

SheLovesMrHip · July 2011

I am very sorry for your loss! I am also excited for your awesome news on expecting! Welcome to the board!

haziedaze · July 2011

((HUGE HUGS)) I'm so sorry for your loss and I can't even imagine how hard this all is. Just take baby steps and be gentle with yourself. We're glad you're here and will support you in whatever way you need! I'm a Pisces too (March 11th)!

Eris-Alexis · July 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. Your feeling are totally understandable.

Congratulations on this pregnancy. Wishing you a happy, healthy and uneventful 9 months.

tdmd09 · July 2011

I totally understand why you can't open the door right now, and I think that's okay. You have a while before you actually need to do anything in that room, so go easy on yourself for now. You will hopefully reach a day where you view that room in a different light and it'll be easier to take the plunge and go inside.

Best wishes for your new pregnancy. ((hugs))

Mrs Nice · July 2011

Thank you for the support. I hope I can find the strength I need.

Karen1998 · July 2011

((((Hugs)))) I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time. There will be a time when you're able to open that door and it's okay that it's not today. Take time to grieve your loss and understand that you will have ups and downs.

My loss was early, but I've found that as my pregnancy progressed that I've become more comfortable doing baby-related things and moving on from my loss. It takes a lot of time and work, but you'll get there.

lalaellac · July 2011

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had some difficulty with the nursery too. My daughter was stillborn in September and we recently found out this baby is a boy. So in addition to having a different baby in the room, it will have to be painted a different color, new bedding, etc. But I started thinking about it this way, had Ella lived and we had more babies, we would have moved Ella to a big girl room and had the new baby in her old room. It helped a lot.

As for a baby shower, I had my baby showers prior to Ella passing and this time told my mom that absolutely no baby shower prior to munchkin's arrival. We talked and may do a meet the baby type party after. I did make another registry even though we don't need much, but my mom urged me to.

I think with time you may become more comfortable with the idea of the new baby in the room.

GL to you and congrats on your new LO!

StephK86 · July 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through and it's hard. I do the same thing with buying things each paycheck. Gradually go into your son's nursery when you feel up to it. My family also packed up my son's room for me after he died. We also moved after so they put all of his things in to our spare room. It took me a while to go in there. Take time to sit in there and feel your emotions. My mother helped me unpack and sort a few weeks ago. Have a family member help you when you are ready. HUGS to you.

PrincessDi80 · July 2011

I am so sorry. Huge ((HUGS)). You are still processing the loss of your son, while life has you moving on with the new pregnancy (congrats btw). Your feelings are totally justified, you are still living and dealing with both worlds. Do what you can when you can. Take things slowly, one day at a time.

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