Family drama...and to top it all off...

nmartin1108 · July 2011

...the last iui didn't work, I'm not pregnant, got the call yesterday. We'll try again in a couple of weeks, but of course I'm starting to get a little discouraged.

The bigger thing right now is all the family drama, if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it!

My husband, who is ftm, and I have been married for a year and together for 3 years. My family has never been supportive of our relationship. In the beginning my parents would send me very hateful emails nearly every day. It has definitely gotten better, but they refuse to acknowledge that he exists, won't allow him to come to family functions and are just very judgmental of everything we do. Today my Aunt is having a party for my cousin who just got home from Iraq, who I was really close to when I was younger. I would love to see him, but my husband isn't allowed to go to her house, so I'm not going. They don't understand that we're a package deal, if they want to see me they don't get to pick and choose. It's so hurtful and frustrating. I don't want to miss out on seeing my family, but I also don't want to be around people who don't even treat my husband like a human being.

I just don't know how to maintain a relationship with my family AND maintain my dignity and protect my marriage. It seems like I have to choose one or the other and of course I choose my marriage.

Sorry for the long rant, just really frustrated right now.

2mommiesinoh · July 2011

I may not be the popular opion but I feel the way you do. DW and I are a package deal and if she is not welcome than I am not coming. I know it is easier said than done but if you have a loving partner and supportive friends you can get through a lot. DW and I have left her parents house before when somehting was said/done that was completely inappropriate and derogatory towards our marriage. It has taken a long time for some of her side to accept us fully but they now know if they want Ann in their lives than they have to learn to live with me.

As far as seeing your cousin I would try to get into contact with him and maybe invite him to your place or out to dinner. Explain you would really like to see him and have missed him but are not comfortable going to the aunt's house due to your husband not being allowed there. If he is still as close as he was then he should have no problem coming over and hangin with you as a couple. I know it hurts to cut your family out (I did my mom for a while when I went away to college with her last words to me being, never expect to bring a girl home it is just wrong) but if they truly love you they will come to accept you. FWIW my mom apologized after she realized she was losing her only daughter for some silly prejuidice and we are back to being best friends like we always had been. She treats DW like her own daughter.

Tanya+Da · July 2011

I completely agree choosing marriage over blood relation. Family is not necessarily blood, family are those who love you (and your partner) unconditionally. I know it's hard, but surrounding yourself with people who love and support you and your partner will make your life much more fulfilling. We CAN choose our family. If your family refuses to BE family, refuses to love and support, then why return the favor? I know it sounds cynical, but our lives are so so much fuller and richer now that we only include loves that love us truly. Some of our blood relation are included, the ones that support our relationship.

I am sooo sorry your IUI didn't work and your are having family trouble. I hope it you find your way to happiness and peace. And that you get your BFP very soon.

2moms2twins · July 2011

I AGREE WITH BOTH PREVIOUS POSTERS!!!

As far as I am concerned - FAMILY is what you make it. I have friends that I am s close with that I would jump for them then I would some of my own "blood" and that term IRKS me ... Any human has blood and were all supposedly related anyhow so ... I say if your family is not supportive and bring nothing but hardship and negativity to your life do you really need and want that ... You have to ask yourself that. But I am one who can write people off pretty easily. I did not talk to my sister for 5 years ( people would ask about her and I would say she was Dead or I dont have a sister ) because she was just rude and demeaning and condescending ( well there is more to it )and now she acts like my BFF ... Because she said she missed me and blah blah blah .. and I am happy to have her back in my life but keep her at BAY!!!

so in my book and my family is what i comprised it of .

Hang in there!

tdmklm · July 2011

I agree with everyone. If your family won't accept your husband, well, they have to understand that you may choose not to be around. What are they going to do once there's a baby in the equation? Pretend he/she doesn't have a dad? Not good for you, your husband, and certainly awful for the child.

Hang in there, and here's hoping for a BFP in four weeks or so. Sometimes it takes a while - don't be discouraged. (Easier said than done, I know, especially with everything else going on for you right now, but I speak from experience. Smile )

nmartin1108 · July 2011

Thank you all for the encouragement. I found out yesterday from a cousin that my Aunt and Uncle didn't have a problem with my husband being at the party but my Mom threw a temper tantrum until they agreed to not allow him to come. I swear the woman acts like a two year old sometimes. The good news is that both my hubs and I were invited to a smaller get together with just my cousins next weekend so I can see my cousin who is home from Iraq. Thanks again for all the supportive words!

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