I'm at my wit's end. I need serious toddler help.

GreenEyedGal · July 2011

My son, bless his heart, is a big bully. Towards me, my husband and other toddlers his own age. I feel like I've done everything under the sun to get him to stop biting, hitting and pinching but nothing has worked and if anything, its only gotten worse. I'm actually in tears as I type this because I feel like a failure as a parent. I really do. I don't witness other kids his age doing the same thing.

I feel so embarrassed when he pinches a kid in Little Gym. I feel frustrated when he does the same thing over and over again (like climb on the entertainment center) after being told no. I feel emotionally hurt when he hits my face to the point where he knocks off my glasses.

He can be a sweet boy, he really can, but I feel like I spend most of the day disciplining him. When I do he just looks at me with a smirk as if he's mocking me, then he does it again.

This morning I lost my cool, snapped at him and smacked his hand. I felt bad instantly and bursted into tears right then and there because he pushes me to my limits.

What the heck do I do at this point? Yea, I know, get down on eye level, make eye contact and calmly say no. What happens when that doesn't work? I tried time-out this morning for 1 minute and he didn't care nor know what I was doing.

I just hope this is all just a phase, that it's not me but simply his age. Then again, if that were the case then Supernanny wouldn't be so popular.

Please. Help.

GenRN45 · July 2011

I have no advice. I just want to give you a big hug.

1CINCYGIRL · July 2011

You sound like me when DS was 2 1/2 years old. We were SOOOO close to having him kicked out of daycare. I cried often because I LOVED my sitter and my son. Each child is different, and you just need to find what works. You and many other people may no agree, but we smacked the top of his hand. Not hard, not leaving any marks- just enough to get his attention. I would also put him in time out. He was bad! I would have to make him stay in time out because he would take off ( I would stand in front of the recliner). Time out was for 2 min- and sometimes it was the longest 2 min of my life! My close friend also had a "pincher", she pinched him back once- after that if he started to pinch somebdy, she would say "do you want to be pinched?" he would shake head no and would do something else. Sorry- some do not agree, but it worked for us. My son is now 5 years old and by no means is perfect. But his behavior is so so much better. Just be consistent with punishment EVERY time, no matter what punishment you choose. Kids are smart- and they know how to work you. HUGS to you, it will get better

desabean · July 2011

I'm so sorry. Garrison went through a biting phase and it was terribly embarassing--- and she can be pretty assertive, demanding.....spoiled. So, I can relate to some of your experiences.

I do think that being consistent with the time out can work. If you use it all the time, it won't --but giving a warning of what the discipline is going to be (if you keep banging that cup, I'm going to take it away, and then do it) will help him learn you mean business and when it isn't something you can take away or make him leave (if you throw mulch at the playground at other kids we are leaving) then use the time out.

Of course, there are times when their will is stronger than ours and you just have to walk away for a minute if there isn't a safety issue. If find that usually stops her too because she isn't getting any more attention and she comes to find me. Then when the stimulus is removed I can more calmly explain that she cannot climb on curtains ; )

I hope it gets better but I think every parent goes through this from time to time, you are not a failure, you just have a toddler. Hang in there!!

muppet.fan · July 2011

Huge hugs -- you're a great mom, first of all!

For the climbing, is there anyway to block off the entertainment center? Elizabeth is a climber too and after pulling my hair out from redirecting her all the time, we just put a superyard around the corner unit where our tv sits. It was easier to block off her access than to expect her not to be tempted! And after a month, the urge passed and we took the the gates down.

One thing that was a huge help was giving her something inside that she could safely climb. We got one of those Little Tikes/Step 2 climber-slides and put it in our living area. Ugly? Sure. But it was great to just say, 'If you want to climb, go climb on your slide.'

Hang in there!

RoxBride · July 2011

Have you tried working on naming emotions? I know you can even get flash cards with pictures of facing and the emotions they are feeling, like angry, sad, lonely...it can help if they can have words they can use for how they are feeling, and help them understand if you say you are hurt, or you are sad because of their behavior.

dundasgirl · July 2011

Yikes, that sounds really tough.

He may not seem like he understands time out, but I am confident that you can make it work. At his age, he should have a fair amount of receptive communication abilities (ie. understand what you are saying/asking). I would get a time out spot figured out in your house ASAP. Whether it is the bottom step, a chair, a playpen, etc.

No kid wants to be in time out. I know Penny thought it was funny the first few times I put her there. But then they catch on that you are removing them from a situation. And they want to be able to run and play. So give it a try. After awhile the threat of time out is pretty effective on its own. I will say "Reed, I am going to count to three. Let go of XYZ and come here". He knows he goes into time out if I make it to three.

I have climbers too. I moved around my furniture so that they were safe and not driving me up the wall. They both went through phases of climbing on chairs...so I put the chairs on top of the table.

If he likes to be physical...maybe make an area of your living room that is full of pillows where he can roll around/jump etc. My BFF's son loved to throw things so she had a bucket of balls that he was allowed to throw into his PNP.

After hitting, I always get the kids to show me gentle touch..and they get a time out.

Also...think about something you could do to reward him for good behaviour. Tell him, you can have a sticker on your chart if you are gentle with the kids at Little Gym? Most kids LOVE praise. Praise him all the time when he isn't being rough.

Some others might have more advice with the roughness. Good luck!

TakYelgif · July 2011

Have you tried Time-Outs and taking away privilages ie; taking away his favorite toy for an hour when he doesn't listen? Do you leave Little Gym immediately when he begins to pinch, bite or hit other children?

Honestly the only way we could get my DS to understand that these types of behaviors were unacceptable was to take away a privilage whenever he acted up.

I know it seems mean to take away his toys or leave a fun activity like little gym but you are in essence rewarding his behavior by returning to the scene of the crime especially after he has been repeatedly told no and continues with the what he knows is an unacceptable behavior.

FWIW the only thing that got through to my DS when it came to hitting me (he doesn't hit, bite or pinch other children just myself) was taking away his trains and cars for 2 days I am not kidding they sat up on the counter out of his reach for 2 solid days. Every time he asked for them it was explained to him that he was not allowed to have them because he hit mommy in the face with a dyecast thomas the train (leaving me with a black eye). On the third day DH and I sat down with the cars and trains in front of him he was told that he could have them back if he never hit mommy again with them.

It has been over 3 months since that incident and he has yet to hit me.

TakYelgif · July 2011

also we have had a lot of success with 1-2-3 magic.

GreenEyedGal · July 2011

Thank you everyone for your advice. I've been reading the responses over and over again to get new "disciplining ideas". Ironically, I got an email today from Babycenter.com that's about toddlers hitting and biting, how weird is that? It made me feel better knowing that my kid isn't the only one who acts this way.

Anyway, again thank you so very much for taking your time to respond and help me out. These suggestions are exactly what I needed.

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I'm at my wit's end. I need serious toddler help.

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