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Natural Birth
erinwhitney1979
member
Including big brother in home birth experience
erinwhitney1979
member
Hi everyone. We have a 4 year old son (will be almost 5 when the second baby is due) and we'd like to include him in the birth experience, as much or as little as he'd like. We've read several homebirth books to him (aimed at children) and he doesn't seem phased by the baby coming out or by the mom in the book making noises. How did any of you prepare the older siblings for the arrival of the new baby?
thanks in advance! Erin
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Re: Including big brother in home birth experience
I didn't prepare her, really. Although she was younger (2.5 years old) and therefore perhaps less aware of what was going on.
We did have people there whose sole responsibility was to take care of her, so if it had ever gotten too overwhelming, they would have taken her away. But it never did. She was in and out throughout my labor, and was totally fine.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
I am interested to see what people say. I have head several first hand stories from friends who had their little ones at the birth and everything seems to go smoothly. One of my friends even said her daughter held her hand through several contractions...and then promptly asked her to turn on Dora. LOL My friend was in the birth tub in the living room.
Of course my family thinks it is a terrible idea (rolls eyes), but that is a typical response from people who view birth as something scary and messy.
our almost 4yro son was there for the entire labor and birth. our MW later said he was the most engaged, unphased young child she had ever seen at a birth.
during the pregnancy, we talked ad nauseum about what it meant to have a baby inside a mommy. we talked about how the baby grows in there, when baby decides to come out, and physiologically, how the baby comes out. we didn't use pet names for body parts. we incorporated labor and birth discussion into our everyday conversations, so it wasn't made a big deal.
i wanted him to have a view of labor and home birth as a totally normal thing. we talked about doctors and how doctors are for when the mommy or the baby is sick or hurt. and how the midwife would come to our house because neither mommy nor baby was sick or hurt. we talked about what might happen if mommy or baby got sick or hurt, and how the doctor could help us at the hospital (i didn't want him to freak if a complication sent us to the hospital). i took him to several appointments wtih my midwife and he was there for her home visit at 37 weeks.
we talked about how mommy would look/sound/feel during labor. how mommy might cry or make noises that he had never heard before, how daddy would want to help mommy feel better. we talked about how it was important for mommy to eat and drink, even if she didn't want to. we studied HypnoBirthing, so i shared with him some of the things mommy was planning to do during the labor (the visualizations and the different breathing exercises).
we were planning a water birth, so we showed him the tub and how we were going to put it together. he helped me assemble the birth kit and pick out the foods/beverages to put in it. he helped me cook freezer foods to be thawed/eaten on labor day.
about a month before my EDD, we had a "Big Brother" party for him. it was his last hurrah as our only child. we invited his closest friends and our family and we gave him things big brothers would need. big brothers need to know how to read and write, so we gave him workbooks to help with each (sly way of encouraging learning!), we gave him a new bike, b/c big brothers need to be able to go get help, we gave him a new stool, b/c big brothers need to be able to reach things, we gave him a watch b/c big brothers need to help their mommy know when it's time to feed the baby, we gave him a pad of paper, b/c big brothers need to be able to draw pictures for their newest family member. and finally, we gave him a play doctor kit and scrubs so that he could "help out" at labor. he LOVED it, and then proceeded to ask if this meant he was four now, b/c he'd had a party! lol
all our talks paid off. the day of labor, he woke up around 7:30. i'd been in labor since 5. he immediately asked if i had eaten breakfast and suggested that i stay relaxed (LMAO!!!). he asked several times during the day if i had eaten, once offering me a banana that i didn't want. his response? "mommy, you have to keep your energy up. eat the banana." so, i ate the banana.
my parents came to labor and my dad hung out with my son when he got bored. with HypnoBirths, there is a lot of sitting around and waiting for the birth team. not much for anyone other than mom to do.
when it came time to birth, he was right there, watching. i remember once looking up at him and he winked at me. made me cry. making me cry now thinking about it!
after the baby was born, he sat with us for a while. he and DH cut the cord together a couple hours after birth. we all hung out the rest of the afternoon, and DS helped my mother make cupcakes (DD's first birthday party!), then he slept at their house the next two nights, which was a Godsend.
almost a year later, he still plays with his doctor kit!
I wanted me boys there (2 and 3), but my MWs strongly discouraged it. They said that if they were there that we needed someone besides me and DH to take care of them. Their reasoning was that in their experience it is really distracting for the mother and father (they could have just meant multiple LOs my kids' ages). Maybe it would be better with one that is a little older.
We ended up keeping them home for the first few hours of the labor and then they left the house when I needed to focus a little more. In the end, I was happy they weren't there!
My child is younger than the OP's too, so maybe it would be different. But while she was home in bed while I was laboring, she was always in the back of my mind. I felt much more at ease once someone came and got her.
I agree that if you're going to have your child there, that you should have someone there to look after your child.
And see, I was the opposite... I found labor to be so much easier when DD was in the room with me, because I knew she was OK. If someone had come to take her away completely, then she would have always been in the back of my mind! We have no family in the area so she would've had to go with one of our friends who she had never been alone with before, and I know I would have been worrying the entire time about how she was handling it.
I do absolutely agree that you need someone to look after the child, besides Dad (because he needs to be looking after you).
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)