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Success after IF
Frustrated with sleep/eat issues
Let me preface by saying that I am and I know I should be very very happy just to have a healthy, thriving child and I remind myself of that every day.....
we are getting to our wits end...we've had a rough year, with DH's job hunt, change and moving halfway across the country.....she's had to go through all this and has been a trooper but I feel like we are failing at a lot of things....
she bedshares - fine, it's not ideal, but it is ok for us so long as we can all sleep. She's going on a year and STILL does not STTN....she falls asleep between 8-9 pm and she wakes at 3-4 am to eat and then wakes again around 7 am to eat. She plays for about an hour and then falls asleep 8-9 AM and wakes again. She won't sleep in the crib..lowering her into it wakes her up but we have recently figured out how to ease her onto the bed. One of us then has to be in there with her lest she wake and roll off....
Her waking up 2 or 3 times a night means no sleep for us. She catches up on sleep by napping during the day.
I think she would sleep better if she would eat more - she did this a couple of times when we were feeding her purees and I would stuff her with a fruit or sweet potatoes before she got sleepy.
We are failing at the table foods....most meals, most days she takes a bite or two and refuses to eat anymore. I chase her around and try to scoop mashed banana into her mouth while she plays. Dinner tonight was about 4-5 tiny bites of baked sweet potato (with butter and a bit of brown sugar - it was yummy, I would eat it myself). I worry about her nutrition.She only reliably eats yogurt, cheerios, puffs, bread with butter and fruit. We have started giving her toddler formula and will likely have to continue since she almost always gets hungry in the car running errands. Even with formula she never drinks more than 3 oz at a time - and then is wanting more an hour later.
And finally she absolutely HATES her stroller. DH and I are fat and unhealthy - we would like to include a daily walk with Asha in the stroller but putting her in it starts a scream fest. People stare and we end up pulling her out. It makes it impossible to go anywhere fun - the zoo, a weekend trip to Chicago - forget it. People on here are taking their babies to Disney and I can't take her on a walk. I ordered an Ergo. I hope to God she likes it because it is our last option. We can't keep schlepping her around in our arms. We don't know if it because she can't see us or she feels unsafe/uncomfortable in the stroller (a chicco cortina).
This is a vent but I would love any solutions. We have no family here so no one we feel comfortable leaving her with for a few hours to rest ourselves or get work done. We can barely get anything done in the apartment because watching her is a full time job for both of us....a month since we moved and we are still digging out of boxes....
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Re: Frustrated with sleep/eat issues
hhmm.... 1st of all, hugs for trying.
My thought is that she should not be still needing to eat during the night. I wonder if some type of pediatric nutritionist can kinda look at her eating patterns and such and tweet it a bit? I know about that age, I was letting Ava snack too much, because she wasn't eating much at meals. Someone(s) here said cut it out, and voila, within a week, I had a kid who ate full meals, and very minimal snacks between meals. Now if she wants a snack, it's an apple, orange, 3 crackers or string cheese. Milk or water. cheers.
I also think you need to do some type of sleep training, whether it's Ferber style or whatever you prefer, something's gotta give, and I say it's that kid to her own bed. (keep in mind I'm of the school that kids are not allowed in the master bedroom unless they're bleeding or on fire, lol. Thanks to MY mom & dad for THAT upbringing, lol. But really, I'll LAY with Ava in HER bed, but she ain't comin' in mine. To each their own.)
As for the stroller, um, dayum! I don't know if you can get toys, snacks, whatever in play, but I would DIE if Ava didn't like her stroller.
I'm almost wondering if this whole thing involves a little bit of a switch in mindset - YOU guys are the parents. She's the kid. YOU make the rules. I believe these little darling creatures are able to manipulate and PLAY OUR ARSES at a very young age. My Ava is The Master at Trying. But in the end, I'm the boss. I love her guts, but what I say goes. lol.
I get your frustration. But in the words of The Great Dr. Phil (scoff) :
"How's that workin ' for ya????"
ps - I've tasted toddler formula, OMG, Ga-ROSS! nasty sugary and a funky smell. How about pediasure? full fat milk with a lil' carnation or ovaltine? And is she HUNGRY or bored? I've learned that once they learn how to tell us something (whether it's words or a squack) they stick with what they know.
You're a great mom who loves her kid. Keep trying to figure out how you guys work together. None of this is easy or a one size fits all.
Sleep: Time to start weaning her off the night time feedings. She'll eat better during the day and sleep better at night if she's not eating. Start cutting down on the time you nurse her a few minutes each night and do whatever else it takes to get her back to sleep instead of nursing. If you FF'ingm, start adding more and more water to her formula every other night. Try 1/4 water, then 1/2 and 1/2, then 3/4 water. That will wean her body from making her feel like she needs calories during the night. If you go cold turkey she will feel hungry and angry. Take a week or so to move away from night time calories. It's hard either way, so just be prepared.
Food: That will come if she's not snacking overnight. Don't follow her and force her to eat. That will likely create bad eating habits down the road b/c she won't know how to self regulate when she's full. Let her eat what she's hungry for. 1/4 Cup is a serving for a toddler. That's 3 Tablespoons. When you think about it that way, that's not a lot of food. Don't worry. She's not going to starve. I Promise. Try not to give her fruit before bed. It's bad for the teeth and full of sugar so it wears off very quickly. If you're giving a bedtime snack,try whole grains or something with protein. We do a lot of yogurt or string cheese.
Stroller: I feel ya. Ana is at that stage. Wildly independent. I never went through quite the same thing with Katen. I can sometimes wrestle Ana into a carrier but lately I've given into the backpack harness. (leash) I get stink eyes from some people, but I don't give a sh!t. It's for her safety and my sanity. If she wants to explore then fine. She should. lol! Ana walks faster than Katen does anyway so I'm cool with it.
Bless your heart. You're doing a good job. Without rest and having just moved, life must be pretty rough. Hang in there. It always gets better.
hey - sorry things are so rough. Are you working? If not I have a group of girls that meets at the zoo every thursday, you should join us. If she screams in her stroller it's fine, we don't mind screamy babies
Really though, it's good to find a mommy group to bounce ideas off of. PLEASE think of joining us, really we aren't offended by crying babies.
Simon was a pretty crappy sleeper too. He's go to bed fine but then he's wake up and only want to sleep in our bed after that. At about 10 months we just threw our hands up and said that was it, he needs to sleep. There seems to be something about 10 months because he complained a bit (maybe 10 - 20 min of crying) and just went back to sleep. Since then, no night wakings. Does she sleep at all during the day? I'd try getting her up a bit earlier. Simon is usually up for the day between 6:30 and 8am. If he's up at 8 he only takes one afternoon nap (about 3 hrs) and then is completely exhausted at 8-9pm and barely notices where he is sleeping. It's good to wear him out and make sure he isn't over sleeping, if he's lazy and in my bed all morning then he just takes little cat naps all afternoon and it drives me crazy.
I have never found there to be a correlation between how much they eat and how much they sleep. Simon is a TERRIBLE eater. he won't eat bread, cheerios, cheese, most veggies etc. I swear the kid lives on meat and fruit and not a lot of it. He nurses 1-2 times a day so I'm sure he's not getting much anymore and will drink ~5-6 oz of cows milk a day. He will eat yogurt so he gets the calcium he needs. He's growing just fine and he will eat when/if he's hungry.
Sounds to me like she's a snacker. I bet when you add up the 3oz here and there during the day and a couple feedings overnight she is getting plenty. Is your pedi concerned about her growth? I'd try to get her on a more reliable eating schedule, close to a 3 meal plus a couple snack schedule. See if she will take bigger quantities if she works up an appetite.
With the stroller thing, honestly, I'd just put her in it and walk until she chills out. Maybe go to a park or somewhere more remote but gotta learn that there is nothing wrong with being in the stroller. Who cares if people stare?
GL!
E
One more thing...I don't think you need to be hung-up on her getting 8oz. Simon has never taken more than 4-5 in a bottle. He just doesn't need that much.
E
ok, I know I already asked this but is she underweight? not gaining? I think her sleeping poorly at night is probably just habit and not hunger. Sure, if you offer food she'll take it but her body is used to getting up during the night. It's a bad habit.
About the stroller thing, #1 No one is going to call dps #2 I think meeting up with some other mommies and babies would help, is she sees the other kids in strollers and can interact with them it might get her more comfortable.
THis is some great advice. The only thing that I would add/emphasize is that Asha seems like she is screaming for some structure..during sleep, meals, her day ect. Kids thrive on structure having everything the same every day..predicablity boring for us but for kids its what they need.
As a pp said it seems like she is running the house hold and has all the power and knows it. I think you need to put some structure into place..mealtimes, nap times, bedtimes, ect. I know that you just moved so things are a little crazy adjusting to the new move but you need to do this sooner rather than later. Have you talked to your new pedi about seeing a food/speach specialist? I know a few ladies on here have seen some and they have done wonders for there kids. I would def bring that up at her 1yr apt.
As far as sleep training. I also think that's something you should consider. Maybe not Ferber but something more modified. Again it seems like she is telling you something by waking in the night, like she needs her own space. And trust me nobody is going to call DCP on you cause you Ferber her. You should def read the book first before deciding if this is right for you. It is HARD but is so worth it in the end.
Big hugs momma I hope you find a happy medium for you and Asha!
Your LO sounds a lot like my DD! She is a horrible sleeper, in fact she won't even co-sleep! We do have her in her crib all night after months of trying, but she is up ALL NIGHT LONG! Usually every hour. She must not need much sleep because she only takes two naps a day at 45 min to an occasional 1 1/2. Where and how long does your daughter nap? I followed the NCSS book and although it hasn't made a huge difference I have seen some improvements. This month we've had two nights of STTN and three nights of 4 hours stretches of sleep!!
IMO, if you want her to start sleeping in the crib just start putting her in the crib only. It will suck for a while but she will adjust. You just have to be consistent and go through some sleepless nights.I think some kids are just bad sleepers and they will sleep one day
As for eating. My DD was not a great eater, until we stopped the formula at one year. Then she turned into a little piggy! She eats all the time now. She has always been small 25% so I just thought it was due to her size. As long as they are gaining weight and are healthy (not getting sick etc) I think it's OK to not eat a ton of food or to prefer smaller more frequent meals. She'll get into a better routine once you stop formula. Do you have a consistent meal and snack time? Does she have times of the day she eats more/less? I think a consistent mealtime is a good place to start and limit snacks to less filling foods. It sounds like the foods she will eat are healthy. I would offer those and maybe mix them with new foods to see if she expand her preferences. I would talk to your Dr for sure about the toddler formula. My pedi said no more formula, even though DD refused to drink WCM and was eating small meals and now she is eating like a champ and will even drink some WCM (mainly mixed with a yogurt drink for flavor in the morning) and a plain cup warm at night.
Hang in there. I know it's hard to deal with anything when your tired! Just remember these are all phases that will pass eventually.
DS won't eat more than 5 oz at a time. He was never the best sleeper but now goes about 10 hours straight at night (we moved his bedtime from 7-7:30) and that is helping.
My doctor said to limit his milk intake to 16-18 oz a day (to make him hungry enough to eat more solid food-want to make sure he gets enough iron which milk does not have)
So we give him bottle/breakfast/nap/snack/lunch/bottle/nap/snack/dinner/snack/bottle.
It is starting to work.
And I say this the nicest way possible but you need to do some kind of sleep training. You have posted for months about how Asha does not sleep whether it is in a crib or co-sleeping so you need to do something for your sanity. You cannot continue in this cycle (and I speak from experience). She will get used to her crib. You can go in and comfort her as needed-but she needs to realize that she has a place to sleep and that she needs to sleep. If you want to co-sleep then you still need to sleep train so that she can sleep without you right next to her (ie her bedtime/naptime) so that you have time to yourself.
First, hugs to you. You're doing a great job! But, it's okay to be frustrated at times. That doesn't make you any less of a good mom!
Second, I have to agree with most everything Davez posted. In short, it really sounds like your daughter needs a bit more structure to her day - to her mealtimes, to her naptimes, to her sleeping. Adding that would likely benefit both her & you a ton. She definitely seems to be snacking a ton rather than having specific meals/bottles. When my older daughter was around that age, she had 4 bottles a day -- at 8:30 (when she woke up), 12:30, 4:30 and 8:30 (bedtime). Each bottle was 8 oz; she did not get any between meals/bottles. Then she had 3 meals - the first right after the 1st bottle of the day, the second at 12:30 and the last around 5:30. There were snacks in there in mid-monring and mid-afternoon but that was it. The way you described the day sounded like a lot of little meals or snacks rather than really filling up properly when she eats/drinks - almost 'grazing'.
I would also recommend some type of sleep training. I don't think that at that age they should need any feedings at night any more. I'm not going advocate any specific one but just whatever you feel comfortable with. Read a few books to decide which one is most your style but I would strongly encourage you to consider it. You will be amazed how much it helps when EVERYONE in the family is sleeping well.
Lastly, on the stroller, personally I would persevere with it. She's not in pain in it so she's crying b/c she wants to be held and that's what's worked for her in the past. Noone on the street is going to call child services. My 3 year old is constantly throwing tantrums in stores, in her stroller, in the park and no one has called child services on me! Parents understand. People look at a noise so they're looking when they hear the crying but I would bet 9 out of 10 parents are not judging you -- we've all been there! You are the parents, you're not damaging your daughter by having her ride in a stroller. It's okay to take control even if it sometimes means your child doesn't love what you're doing (an analogy I can think of is my daughter used to scream bloody murder when I would try to put sunscreen on her...did it mean I stopped? of course not since I had to put it on. I continued and she got over it after a few months...you are the parents it is okay to say what goes).
None of this is easy...it takes work but adding more of a consistent schedule will really help your daughter know what to expect. Both of my daughters are on a consistent schedule and I really think it's helped them thrive from early on. They know what to expect and it's made sleep/nap times easy as well as eating. GL! None of this is easy but you got some great advice from the pps.
Unless she is underweight, I'd way cut down on the liquid calories, not be looking for additional ways to add liquid calories.
She needs to learn to eat her calories and get her nutrition from foods, and I wouldn't stress about the variety right now. Whatever she eats, that what you should offer until she's weaned off of liquids as her primary source of food. No need to keep up with purees, just offer her a wide variety of foods, cut way down on the formula and when she's hungry, she'll eat.
If she truly won't eat solids on a regular basis, absolutely check with your pedi about a recommendation to a feeding specialist. They can help quite a bit.
As for sleeping, I would aim for one nap a day. No cat naps, period. It will probably be rough but it is a great time to transition to one good nap a day, preferably starting sometime around noon. Keep her busy and distracted as much as you can in the mornings and then let her get a good nap.
I know it is difficult, so hang in there. This is a big time for change, and hopefully you can make lots of changes for the better.
All this, exactly. Adding more liquid calories is going to make her eat LESS solids, not more.
Also, going to one nap a day (which we did at 13 months) was a winner for us, all the way around. She slept better at night, and her one nap became a 2-3 hour nap...which was a beautiful thing for me.