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Attachment Parenting
When LO cries, what's the first thing you do?
I am a first-time mom. We cloth diaper, EBF, and co-sleep. LO is almost three weeks old. He eats ALOT, so usually when he cries I'll feed him right off. He doesn't really give hunger cues on his own (that I can tell), but if I brush his cheek with my finger and he turns his face to it with his mouth open, I take it he's hungry. When he BFs, he likes to linger there a long time, sucking and just having my breast in his mouth. I don't know if this is comfort, nutritive, or both. Is it bad for me to offer the breast first when he cries? Sometimes I'll check his diaper, or just try something different, but 90% of the time, he wants to eat (or suck). We are not giving pacifiers. My mom says I should wait for him to really cry and turn his head frantically before I feed him, so he won't expect it all the time. Am I doing this right? Should I do something different?
BTW, he's the same way at night wanting to linger and eat about every 1-2 hours (same as during the day).
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Re: When LO cries, what's the first thing you do?
When my DS was the same age as your LO, I offered the breast pretty much every time he cried. He was pretty efficient though, and would only nurse if he wanted, so sometimes I offered and he declined.
I think at the age of your LO, it is essential to continue to offer the breast. There is a lot of cluster-feeding, and growth spurts going on in the first few weeks. Not to mention maintaining a milk supply to sustain your LO. I never used time as a cue in the early going, as I didn't want to risk missing my baby's needs.
FWIW my 14 month old will sometimes ask to nurse twice in one hour, and then go five or six hours without nursing. IMO it's about meeting a need, and while it may not be hunger every time your baby nurses, that's how you can comfort your baby.
I have NO idea why you would want to wait until he's starving and frantic to feed him. That's just silly. (Breastmilk digests quickly - two hours. There is a big difference in how satiated he's going to be over just a half hour difference.)
I think you're doing the right thing. When they're this young, it's hard to tell. I stopped responding right away when my daughter was MUCH older. But I would even encourage you to look for earlier hunger cues (hands in mouth, rooting, etc.).
At that age, I offered the breast first (unless there was an obvious thing like a dirty diaper). DD was super-colicky and putting a breast in her mouth helped calm her down about 80% of the time. Even if she wasn't hungry, it was definitely a comfort thing for her and I was pretty happy to have something so readily at my disposal to comfort her. Sometimes she cried because she was exhausted and being on the breast helped her calm down and fall asleep. Did it become a total crutch? Sure. But it was a crutch that served me well for months and months and months.
If the breast didn't work, bouncing her on an exercise ball and/or wearing her were my other go-tos. These were especially effective during her early evening "witching hour" or when she woke up at 2 or 3 am, fed and wouldn't go back to sleep and just wanted to scream at the top of her lungs.
Even knowing now how hard it was to find a replacement for my breasts as a comfort item, I still wouldn't have done a thing differently.
Sorry, I'm sure your mom means well but she is wrong. Our L.C.s taught us that by the time they are crying for hunger you have waited too long and missed the cues. Don't feel bad about responding to your baby's needs or offering the breast to soothe, especially at this age. It took awhile to figure out DD's cues and it wasn't as intuitive for me as I thought it was supposed to be. But, DD was a lot easier to nurse before she got all worked up and would lock her neck, snap her head, etc. Keep trusting your instincts.
I agree -- I was also taught that if the baby is crying because he's hungry, that's too late, you should have fed him sooner. I was also told (by an LC and pediatrician) that babies that young can eat every 1-2 hours. Every hour -- that's start to start. So if you nurse for 30 minutes, that means it's possible for him to be hungry 30 minutes later. Add in that your LO may be a lazy eater (not meant to be an insult!), and it could definitely seem like LO is ALWAYS on your boob.
Ditto pp on this part. Also, what's wrong with expecting it all the time? I didn't worry about DD wanting too much breast time until I was sure she was old enough to find comfort/distraction in other things or to eat/drink something else.
It's hard to go wrong with offering a boob. Unless that's not what LO wants - if they don't that's pretty easy to figure out because you can't make a baby nurse.
Personally, I never looked at the clock, but if you're a clock person, be careful to be responsive and feed on demand for the first 8-12 weeks especially so that your supply is well established.
FWIW, DD was a frequent nurser, day and night and it continued for a long time. I also could never tell her cries apart until she was closer to 2 yrs old. I assume everything before that was for boob because she didn't care about dirty diapers and was not a fan of sleeping
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My baby would sleep ALL day if I let her. I wake her every three hours or three and a half to eat (she is gaining weight, so the pedi told me to let her go to 3.5 hours during the day if I want and four at night). Anytime my baby cries I offer her my breast b/c 1. she doesn't really show hunger cues b/c she is sleeping and 2. she needs to eat as much as possible for both her growth and my breast engorgement. She will NOT eat if she is not hungry. At night she typically eats ten minutes on each side and I change her diaper in between her feeding on each side then, she falls asleep and I put her down. During the day I feed more often, probably b/c I wake her up more just b/c I get ansty if she hasn't eaten in a bit. She also tends to cluster feed during the day.
Granted I have only been at this for two weeks, but offering your child your breast to feed her is not a bad thing. In a couple of months I bet you can find other ways to soothe her (if she isn't hungry) but right now I assume your baby is hungry or just needs comfort. Have you offered her your finger to suck on? My husband will do that until I can get in a chair with my boppy and find my nipple shield. If she really just needed some comfort, she will start to fall asleep right then and there and she just goes back to sleep, however, if her eyes stay open we feed her ASAP.