FI wants to go to a bachelor party (I know how you feel MLS!!)

CamilleJon · July 2011

He just called me from work to tell me that his "friend"'s brother just called him to see if he was going.It is an overnight bachelor party at a golf resort on July 30.

I told him I didn't want him to go... I feel a bit hypocritical bc I responded to MLSBecker's post saying to let her DH go.

Here's the difference, though:

1) FI has a million friends, the groom is a guy he went to high school with and doesn't even see on a regular basis, if it were one of his close friends it would be different.

2) FI has already been to 2 Bachelor parties since J was born (and a few while I was pregnant)

3) FI works 60 hours a week and our only days we get to spend as a family are Sundays and some Saturdays (he works every other Saturday).

4) He is in a softball tournament this coming weekend and thinks that if J and I are on the sideline watching that counts as "family time".

5) I am pretty sure there will be strippers (not that I really care, but gross).

Thoughts?

PGASTL · July 2011

This is the kind of thing where I feel like the guy should have just said, "Thanks, but I really can't go right now - have fun and I'll have our buddy X buy you a drink on me!"

Why does it have to be the woman that is the downer in this kind of situation where really it's kind of ridiculous for him to go. (I do think the fact that it's not a close friend makes a big difference).

CamilleJon · July 2011

rma910:
This is the kind of thing where I feel like the guy should have just said, "Thanks, but I really can't go right now - have fun and I'll have our buddy X buy you a drink on me!"
Why does it have to be the woman that is the downer in this kind of situation where really it's kind of ridiculous for him to go. (I do think the fact that it's not a close friend makes a big difference).

Agreed! And that is almost exactly what I said to my FI. I told him "I don't want you to ask me if you can go, nor do I want to tell you that you can't; I want you to know you shouldn't go regardless of whether or not you want to."

It's almost as if he knows he shouldn't go, but if he has my "permission" he won't feel guilty about it. Ugh... men Confused

JulietL129 · July 2011

CamilleJon:
He just called me from work to tell me that his "friend"'s brother just called him to see if he was going.It is an overnight bachelor party at a golf resort on July 30.
I told him I didn't want him to go... I feel a bit hypocritical bc I responded to MLSBecker's post saying to let her DH go.
Here's the difference, though:
1) FI has a million friends, the groom is a guy he went to high school with and doesn't even see on a regular basis, if it were one of his close friends it would be different.
2) FI has already been to 2 Bachelor parties since J was born (and a few while I was pregnant)
3) FI works 60 hours a week and our only days we get to spend as a family are Sundays and some Saturdays (he works every other Saturday).
4) He is in a softball tournament this coming weekend and thinks that if J and I are on the sideline watching that counts as "family time".
5) I am pretty sure there will be strippers (not that I really care, but gross).

Thoughts?

This is all I'm going to say about this- you do care. If you care enough to think it's gross, you care. It's OK for you to care. If you don't feel comfortable for him going and spending time he could be spending with his family with a stripper's tw@t in his face- I think you should be honest about that.

"H- we lead busy lives, we don't get to spend much time together. I would rather you bond and parent your son when you have the time instead of getting slapped by some chick's floppy plastic t!tty for a guy you barely know."

This may make me an uncool wife but oh well.

And I may be sorta channeling my feelings about MLS- so sorry if I'm off-base about how you feel. Too many bachelor party related posts read close together, lol.

xxbabycakesxx · July 2011

CamilleJon:

It's almost as if he knows he shouldn't go, but if he has my "permission" he won't feel guilty about it. Ugh... men

yea and if you say no then its your fault.

ill tell you exactly the same as what i voted in MLS's poll. id let DH go but be irritated. and id be real irritated in your situation cause theyre not real friends or whatever.

eta- i should add that my DH doesnt go out a lot so thats another reason id "let" him go. he does spend tons of time with griff and i and only goes out once in a blue moon so he deserves his fun time away.

CamilleJon · July 2011

Juliet: You're right... I would care, ALOT, if there was some stanky stripper grinding on my man... and that doesn't make you an uncool wife at all! I guess I said I don't care about the strippers being there bc FI isn't into them at all. It is much more likely he will hang by the bar worried about what kinds of micro brews they are serving, rather then oogleing the strippers and discussing what size their fake bewbies are (or whatever guys discuss about strippers?). He thinks strippers are gross.

Babycakes: He does spend most of his free time with us, but as a SAHM I think I just feel neglected all day long while he is at work (which, I know, is a whole different issue) and (unintentionally) demand all of his attention when he is home.

JulietL129 · July 2011

Oh ok- gotcha! & I COMPLETELY understand what you said to babycakes! I do the same thing. It's not right, I know, but it's tough when you take care of everything at home when they're working away, then they go away more during the time they could be home. It makes you feel lonely and it really made me feel a bit unappreciated. MH had a problem with making his own plans & completely taking for granted that I would just not have a life of my own & would keep on taking care of everything. So I had to let him know that during the hours he was not working- 50% of the household responsibilities turned into his job, so if he was making other plans, he better figure out a way that his 50% would be accounted for. It made him more consciences. Sorry if I hi-jacked, lol. Just want you to know your feelings are not weird- and you shouldn't feel sorry for it.

CamilleJon · July 2011

JulietL129:
Oh ok- gotcha! & I COMPLETELY understand what you said to babycakes! I do the same thing. It's not right, I know, but it's tough when you take care of everything at home when they're working away, then they go away more during the time they could be home. It makes you feel lonely and it really made me feel a bit unappreciated. MH had a problem with making his own plans & completely taking for granted that I would just not have a life of my own & would keep on taking care of everything. So I had to let him know that during the hours he was not working- 50% of the household responsibilities turned into his job, so if he was making other plans, he better figure out a way that his 50% would be accounted for. It made him more consciences. Sorry if I hi-jacked, lol. Just want you to know your feelings are not weird- and you shouldn't feel sorry for it.

Thanks

FI is great about household-type chores, though... he cooks about 2 nights a week, unloads the dishwasher in the morning, makes his own lunch to take to work, and does most of his own laundry... so when he makes plans that don't involve me he is just taking away from our family time.

melissa4252008 · July 2011

Honestly, I think this situation is very different than the other. He barely knows/is friends with this guy anymore. He's gone out with friends/to bachelor parties quite a bit recently, and you don't spend a ton of time together as it is. Possible strippers aside, I think you have a valid argument to tell him you would prefer he not go.

If I were in the shoes of MLS - with a husband that isn't super social to begin with - I would not even think twice of telling my husband to go and have fun as long as the money spent didn't starve us. If I were in your shoes, I would absolutely tell him I would prefer that he not attend.

Penguin81 · July 2011

I know this is not the U/O Thursday thread but all of these "male functions" had me thinking, what if the roles are reversed? Regardless of how well you know the bride in this case, if you invited to go to a spa bacholette party for a weekend and you wanted to go, do you assume your DH/SO "should" let you go?

If you don't want your DH to waste money on hookers and blow then suggest that he may go to the golf resort he just needs to take you... Mini-vacation to reconnect as lovers is good all the way around.

:::marshmellows check, chocolate check, graham crackers check::: all right let me have it LOL!!

Mommysaurus123 · July 2011

Penguin81:

I know this is not the U/O Thursday thread but all of these "male functions" had me thinking, what if the roles are reversed? Regardless of how well you know the bride in this case, if you invited to go to a spa bacholette party for a weekend and you wanted to go, do you assume your DH/SO "should" let you go?

:::marshmellows check, chocolate check, graham crackers check::: all right let me have it LOL!!

I honestly feel like there is such a difference between a spa party and going out to strip clubs and bars that you can't really compare the two.

My issue with the whole weekend-long bachelor party is that I am upset that DH even WANTS to go... which I think someone commented on here. I wouldn't want to go away from him and LO for a weekend, and it bugs me that he feels like he would rather go away with the groom and 4 guys he doesn't know than hang out with me and the little man, especially because my work hours have picked up and we haven't gotten much time together recently.

to the OP: I would be most upset about the strippers and him leaving for so long when you get nearly no family time anyway. And if the groom doesn't mean a whole lot to him and they don't talk, why would he want to go anyway?

lulu8109 · July 2011

melissa4252008:
Honestly, I think this situation is very different than the other. He barely knows/is friends with this guy anymore. He's gone out with friends/to bachelor parties quite a bit recently, and you don't spend a ton of time together as it is. Possible strippers aside, I think you have a valid argument to tell him you would prefer he not go.
If I were in the shoes of MLS - with a husband that isn't super social to begin with - I would not even think twice of telling my husband to go and have fun as long as the money spent didn't starve us. If I were in your shoes, I would absolutely tell him I would prefer that he not attend.

ITA with melissa.

Camille - If it were me, I would explain to DH the reasons why I didn't think he should go (time away from LO, I'd be taking care of LO myself, he barely knows the guy, he's gone to lots of other bach parties, etc) and let him make the decision. I never tell DH what he can or can't do and he doesn't tell me what I can do either.

On MLS's post, I voted I would let DH go and be fine with it.

kat81again2 · July 2011

Yeah I told the previous person that she should let DH go to his party. In this case I think the situation is different. I mean, I'd let him do whatever he wants, but I'd tell him the reasons you don't think he should go. But make sure you don't ban him from going or anything because then he'll just be mad and resentful.

jessrenee11 · July 2011

Eh Id let him go but I would make sure he understood how I felt about it and that he would need to make up the family time some other time with something really good.

CamilleJon · July 2011

Thanks for the input ladies. I would seriously go crazy over-analyzing this kind of crap without the sane advice of my fellow Dec Mommies

I never told him he couldn't go, we don't really have that kind of relationship... but he does know I don't want him to go for all the reasons stated in my OP.

So anyway, he is not going. He said he thought some more about it, and would rather do something as a family Yes (I feel like he may have been on here and read this thread Hmm ).

Want a personalized experience?

FI wants to go to a bachelor party (I know how you feel MLS!!)

Re: FI wants to go to a bachelor party (I know how you feel MLS!!)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards