- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
LO Hitting and Throwing
My DS has been hitting me and throwing things when he's mad. I talk to him about being gentle, and try things like "ouch that hurts" and also being really firm and saying "no hit" and I take his hand and rub my face with it to show him gentle. Most of the time, he will lean over and give me a kiss when I tell him it hurts, but when he's really in the middle of a tantrum nothing works.
DH is getting ready to leave for 2 weeks, and then not soon after that he's deploying for a year, and I find myself getting really frustrated and stressed with Liam when he gets like this. I need some ideas quick!
I try to use positive discipline and redirection, and I have just started reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block, but if you have any other gentle discipline ideas or book recommendations to help me out that would be great.Also, Liam is not really talking, and although he does sign quite a bit, I think that lack of communication is really at the root of a lot of his tantrums. I know this is all developmentally appropriate behavior, and I am just looking for what works or did work for your 18 month old LOs. Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: LO Hitting and Throwing
here are my favorite 'discipline' links:
https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/general-tips#top
https://www.sandrarief.com/tips/tips_listen.htm
https://www.kellynaturally.com/post/If-Not-Spanking-Then-What.aspx
https://www.naomialdort.com/articles11.html
https://www.naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/tame.html
Positive discipline works really well for my daughter and me, she is very tenacious and strong willed and thus far it has been amazing to not use any harsh techniques.
Little Rose is 2 1/2.
I'm not sure if this is the kind of idea that would fit with your parenting style, but after the whole "gentle hands" thing basically failed with LO and it just became a game, I started giving her consequences for her behaviour.
To me it's important that it's a natural consequence. ie "You hurt me when you hit me, that makes me not want you on my lap because you're hitting me, so you'll have to get down."
I would put LO off my lap, and she would get upset so I would say, "I don't want you on my lap if you're going to hurt me. Hitting hurts, we be gentle with our hands. Would you like to be back in my lap?"
Then she'd nod. I'd pick her back up and give her a cuddle and we'd move on with a distraction.
It worked instantly.
But of course this is no way based on any scientific readings, and just something that feels right to me and works with our daughter.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
We do this too. Coop hits/swats at my face when he doesn't want to go to sleep. I very gently place him on the floor and say "you have to use gentle hands to sit with mommy". He is usually on the floor for maybe 15-30 seconds, but he's on the very young side for any "discipline". He use to hit for 45 minutes during our sleepy time routine, and it's now down to just the first 5 minutes...and then he remembers I mean business.
We try this too, but maybe not as often as we should. I will definitely keep this in mind and remember to use this tactic more often. I definitely believe in giving natural consequences as well. Thanks for the reply.
Hi! I'm actually a (almost certified!) student behavior analyst and I do a lot of work with mostly young adults with developmental disabilities but I've also had experience with young children so I'm going to offer you a little advice:
When he's tantruming, chances are that it's for attention or access to tangible items (something you told him he couldn't have). When you talk to him about not hitting, it still provides him with attention from you which may (or may not) be reinforcing his tantrum behavior. When a child tantrums at the daycare I volunteer at I will pick him/her up (absolutely no attention with words, etc.) and sit them with their back towards everyone else in an inclusionary time-out--meaning he's still in the same room and not isolated so we can still keep an eye on him. You might want to try doing this with him. Whenever he hits or throws, immediately pick him up and have a designated time-out place (play-pen or crib?). Don't give him any attention until he's stopped crying for 5-10 seconds then you can go in and tell him firmly, "We do not hit/throw things". It's a gentle way to not reinforce the tantrum behaviors and it is effective (at least for our toddler kiddos).
Have some surprise reinforcers handy! Like his favorite treat (fresh strawberries with a little sugar on top or something sweet but not too unhealthy) and when he's playing nicely, randomly reward it with something he loves ("I love the way you're playing so nicely", etc.)! It'll teach him that being good gets you good things when you least expect it, something true for everyone!