DHs weekend away

efsNYC13 · July 2011

DH and his guy friends go camping every summer, about 2 hours away. I know that a large portion of this weekend is devoted to beer and there is occasionally some pot there.

Since I've been pregnant, my general feeling is that DH should never be so impaired that if something happened he couldn't be basically sober at the hospital--its one thing to have a few beers and maybe get slightly buzzed but thats about all I think is reasonable (we live in the city and dont regularly drive so I dont usually have to think about impaired driving).

This year, the camping trip is when I am 36 weeks. I previously said to DH he should go if he could stay within those guidelines and be able to drive if I were to need him. He is not sure if that is realistic (could get carried away) or if it is worth it to go if everyone else is drinking heavily and he is not. I am weighing in on this and am just not sure.......I'd like to think he can limit himself appropriately, but I know this trip is usually one of excess.

Thoughts?

dianamcu · July 2011

I think he should be more concerned with his pregnant wife at 36 weeks than getting wasted with his buddies. Go camping, drink a few, but limit yourself.

ChefSarah22 · July 2011

dianamcu:
I think he should be more concerned with his pregnant wife at 36 weeks than getting wasted with his buddies. Go camping, drink a few, but limit yourself.

This.

italnprncss78 · July 2011

ChefSarah22:

dianamcu:
I think he should be more concerned with his pregnant wife at 36 weeks than getting wasted with his buddies. Go camping, drink a few, but limit yourself.

This.

Agreed. I don't think I would want DH, no let me rephrase that...I KNOW I would NOT want DH gone when I was 36 weeks. Especially if he was just doing it to get drunk...no real 'occasion'.

TheFannins729 · July 2011

if your dh can't go camping and only drink a few, he needs to grow up. and quickly.

SwtPatato · July 2011

I agree with PPs. I wouldn't really be uncomfortable with DH attending at all, but I am not one to tell him what to do and where to go. I would strongly encourage him to watch his alcohol/smoking and clearly express my concerns to him though. I would also make very clear how hurt and upset I would be if I did go into labor and he wasn't coherent enough to drive, be a active participant of, or remember it.

Mrs.K23 · July 2011

I guess I am in the minority here, it wouldn't really bother me. I have been encouraging DH to have a few guy night/get aways before LO arrives and the choices he makes on those he will have to live with. DH went to LA with a few friends to work on an art installation a few weeks ago and I know they were drinking the whole time. I've told him if he wants to go on another guys trip in August I am okay with that as long as it is also in state. I should say that DH is probably the most responsible person I know and there is not a doubt in my mind he would find a way to be by my side if something happened, evne if he had to hop on a bus or hire a driver.

I would assume at least one person in his group could drive DH back if he were a little out of sorts. Or if he goes and can't make it back b/c he was drinking too much that is a decision he has to live with. If DH is concerned about making it back and because of that his choice not to go, so be it. But if he thinks there is a way and he wants to go, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I certainly wouldn't think he has to "grow up". That's just me though, I tend to think we're all growing up whether we like it or not.

ksiana · July 2011

Mrs.K23:

I guess I am in the minority here, it wouldn't really bother me. I have been encouraging DH to have a few guy night/get aways before LO arrives and the choices he makes on those he will have to live with. DH went to LA with a few friends to work on an art installation a few weeks ago and I know they were drinking the whole time. I've told him if he wants to go on another guys trip in August I am okay with that as long as it is also in state. I should say that DH is probably the most responsible person I know and there is not a doubt in my mind he would find a way to be by my side if something happened, evne if he had to hop on a bus or hire a driver.

I would assume at least one person in his group could drive DH back if he were a little out of sorts. Or if he goes and can't make it back b/c he was drinking too much that is a decision he has to live with. If DH is concerned about making it back and because of that his choice not to go, so be it. But if he thinks there is a way and he wants to go, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I certainly wouldn't think he has to "grow up". That's just me though, I tend to think we're all growing up whether we like it or not.

This is pretty much how I feel as well. But I think the reason why I wouldn't worry about is because of when I had my son. My husband was on his way home for R&R from Afghanistan when my water broke. I didn't really expect him to be home for the birth of our son anyways. But he made it there 12 hours before he was born. But... He was also half lit and on sleep meds as well. (People were buying him shots on the plane and he was trying to sleep at other times; he was on a plane for about 24 hours.) So mind you, I wasn't very happy in L&D, but can you really blame him? Like he knew I was going to go into labor while he was on his way home. And if he were to go out and have a good time with his buddies, so be it. He knows that I'm pregnant and that anything could happen. He's a big boy. If he misses out on the birth of our girls, that's his own damn fault.

Broadway1 · July 2011

ksiana:
Mrs.K23:

I guess I am in the minority here, it wouldn't really bother me. I have been encouraging DH to have a few guy night/get aways before LO arrives and the choices he makes on those he will have to live with. DH went to LA with a few friends to work on an art installation a few weeks ago and I know they were drinking the whole time. I've told him if he wants to go on another guys trip in August I am okay with that as long as it is also in state. I should say that DH is probably the most responsible person I know and there is not a doubt in my mind he would find a way to be by my side if something happened, evne if he had to hop on a bus or hire a driver.

I would assume at least one person in his group could drive DH back if he were a little out of sorts. Or if he goes and can't make it back b/c he was drinking too much that is a decision he has to live with. If DH is concerned about making it back and because of that his choice not to go, so be it. But if he thinks there is a way and he wants to go, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I certainly wouldn't think he has to "grow up". That's just me though, I tend to think we're all growing up whether we like it or not.

This is pretty much how I feel as well. He knows that I'm pregnant and that anything could happen. He's a big boy. If he misses out on the birth of our girls, that's his own damn fault.

I agree with both of you. I'm not my husband's parent and it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. I certainly wouldn't want him telling me what I can and can't do, so I'm not going to do that to him.

My husband is going on a white water rafting/bachelor party trip when I will be about 36 weeks. He will be about 3 hours away. I have no concerns at all about it, he has to live with his choices just like I have to live with mine.

FortMyersBride · July 2011

I would be highly disappointed if my DH wanted to take said trip when I was 36 wks pregnant. No, I don't have a problem with DH going out and getting drunk with friends, as long as he's safe about it and doesn't get anywhere near the driver's seat. I would certainly take issue with him being out of town AND drunk at that point in pregnancy.

My DH had to leave town for ~3 days to present at a conference when I was 36 wks with my first. He was a nervous wreck that he was going to miss something and called me every few hrs to make sure nothing was happening. He was kinda ok with the idea of it, but once he got out of town the reality of being away sunk in. Maybe your DH would have a similar experience?

efsNYC13 · July 2011

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I guess my concern is with him driving after 2 beers or so, not so much with him getting wasted--he knows better. I'm ambivelant bc I feel like the odds are everything will be fine and we will have a slow weekend at home if he doesnt go. Just not sure if the small risk is worth keeping him home.....and feeling guilty about telling him he can't do something......

Broadway1 · July 2011

efsNYC13:
Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I guess my concern is with him driving after 2 beers or so, not so much with him getting wasted--he knows better. I'm ambivelant bc I feel like the odds are everything will be fine and we will have a slow weekend at home if he doesnt go. Just not sure if the small risk is worth keeping him home.....and feeling guilty about telling him he can't do something......

This did make me think about discussing driving with my DH before he goes, so even if I do call him, he waits until the next morning or so to drive. Other than that, I would just leave it up to him.

smtaylor1 · July 2011

I wouldnt mind him going but he would need to remain fairly sober. When we had ds they had to take me in for an emergency csection with me being put under general anesthesia. Dh had to make the decision and give the ok on ds having an emergency tracheotomy. I am not sure what would have happened if dh would have been drunk or not there.

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