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Talk to me about Ferber...

ayramayram member
in Attachment Parenting

I am contemplating another attempt at dealing with these sleep issues.  We tried a bit of NCSS but had no luck.  We aren't doing much night nursing anymore, but still rocking/bouncing/patting to sleep for EVERY nap.  I have heard a few positive things about Ferber (when used correctly) and am wondering if anyone here has any personal experience with it?  Good or bad. 

(by the way, Isaac is about a year old, still sharing a room with us - if that is relevant).

Thanks!!

Mom to 4 boys under age 6 Evan, Darren, Liam & Isaac
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Re: Talk to me about Ferber...

  • webMistress0609webMistress0609 member

    Have you tried just cutting the time you're rocking/bouncing/etc. a little every few days? Ari decided around 12 months that he didn't want to be rocked anymore (we bedshare still too), but he wasn't quite sure what to do w/o it. We would lay in bed together, & I would give him 10-15 mins to settle down & if he didn't we would rock until he was relaxed then rinse & repeat. I cut down the time we would rock & increased the amount of time for settling every night or so. Now he usually falls asleep with me laying next to him in less than 10 mins, sometimes on a rough night it will take 20. 

    It's normal for LOs lo need assistance to fall asleep until they are 3 or 4, sometimes even older. Is the rocking a problem for you, or are you concerned that he's reliant on it?

    FWIW, we used Ferber's night weaning method with great success & only about 5 mins of tears on the 1st 2 nights, so I don't think Ferber = the devil. I'm just not a fan of extinction methods, graduated or otherwise, if you haven't given other techniques a fair shake. I did TONS of research on sleep issues, & saw several studies showing no more effectiveness between extinction & gentle methods such as scheduled awakenings or progressively removing parental presence. 

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  • ayramayram member
    imagewebMistress0609:

    Have you tried just cutting the time you're rocking/bouncing/etc. a little every few days? Ari decided around 12 months that he didn't want to be rocked anymore (we bedshare still too), but he wasn't quite sure what to do w/o it. We would lay in bed together, & I would give him 10-15 mins to settle down & if he didn't we would rock until he was relaxed then rinse & repeat. I cut down the time we would rock & increased the amount of time for settling every night or so. Now he usually falls asleep with me laying next to him in less than 10 mins, sometimes on a rough night it will take 20. 

    Not a bad idea - I might give it a try...though lately the rocking etc has become ridiculous and even that is unreliable.  He can be upn til 10 at night even with both of us trying all evening long.  He's so determined and can survive on surprisingly little sleep.

    It's normal for LOs lo need assistance to fall asleep until they are 3 or 4, sometimes even older. Is the rocking a problem for you, or are you concerned that he's reliant on it?

    It's just getting a little tiring, especially with 3 older children.  I've been doing this for a year for every sleep, and I don't have that kind of time to devote to it anymore...

    FWIW, we used Ferber's night weaning method with great success & only about 5 mins of tears on the 1st 2 nights, so I don't think Ferber = the devil. I'm just not a fan of extinction methods, graduated or otherwise, if you haven't given other techniques a fair shake. I did TONS of research on sleep issues, & saw several studies showing no more effectiveness between extinction & gentle methods such as scheduled awakenings or progressively removing parental presence. 

    Thanks for the advice!

    Mom to 4 boys under age 6 Evan, Darren, Liam & Isaac
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  • erinkate23erinkate23

    https://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

     

    This helped us a lot.

    image
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  • KatieB19KatieB19 member

    I would suggest reading the book.  He has so much information in there about sleeping and sleep cycles (which I found really helpful) and emphasizes that there are sometimes other problems that can be easily fixed, which is great if you aren't ready/don't want to do the progressive waiting approach (mistakenly called CIO).

    For us, just setting a schedule for nap and bedtime (instead of winging it) helped with naps.  However, we did end up doing the progressive waiting approach to help with bedtime and the frequent night wakings.

    GL! 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member
    After a people recommended it here (particularly pointing out 2. edition differes a lot from the 1.), I think WebMistress was one of them, thanks!, I finally read it and we used some of the progressive waiting from it. I mixed it a bit with advice from the Sleep Lady (search on Amazon for the book) who recommends starting by sitting next to the baby before he/she sleeps and then slowly move away. We sleep trained DD when she was 9-10 months and she continued progressing herself and is now STTN most nights. I think it is about finding different sources and then putting together a strategy that works for your family and that you feel comfortable with. 
    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
    Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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  • Susan&CourtneySusan&Courtney member

    I'm a lurker and probably not as AP as most of the ladies on this board so you can take what I have to say with a grain of salt.  I read Ferber's book prior to DS being born.  I found the information on sleep associations to be extremely helpful and used that information to create a bedtime routine that we could maintain rather than using something that would become a problem later (rocking etc.)  He has always gone to sleep in his crib rather than in arms (without any crying).

    However, we did swaddle and that become somewhat of a problem simply because he couldn't stay swaddled all night and it was causing him to wake up just to be re-swaddled.  So I had to use the progressive waiting to get rid of the swaddle.  I started it with naps since that was easiest for me and literally the first day he was going to sleep within 5 minutes.  Now, I usually give him his bottle or read a story before naps and then put him down with a little bunny (he likes to hold on to soft things) and he goes to sleep within about 10 minutes (not crying though, just playing with his feet/hands until he settles).  At night we have the same bedtime routine that we have since he was 2 weeks old (bath, lotion, pajamas, bottle, story) and then he goes down beautifully.

    Anyway, I don't know if this is helpful information or not.  DS has always been a really good sleeper compared with a lot of stories I read and he may have also been ready to give up the swaddle.  On any account, even if you don't use the progressive waiting technique I think Ferber's book is an excellent source of information about sleep. 

    TTC since August 2008 4 cycles Femara = BFN Dx PCOS February 2010, 1000 mg Metformin XR IUI #1: Dexamethasone + Femara + Ovidrel + Progesterone = BFN IUI #2: Dexamethasone + Femara + Ovidrel + Progesterone = BFP! Our son arrived January 17, 2011!
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