Anyone use OPK without telling DH?

workingmama · July 2011

DH is not ready to "try," or at least do what he knows is trying. He knows about charting, but nothing about the details. Do any of you ladies use an OPK without DH's knowledge?

I wouldn't lie to him about it, unless you count lie by omission. The biggest problem for me is that we seriously tell each other everything so I probably would last a day before I spilled.

app1e3 · July 2011

workingmama:
DH is not ready to "try," or at least do what he knows is trying. He knows about charting, but nothing about the details. Do any of you ladies use an OPK without DH's knowledge?
I wouldn't lie to him about it, unless you count lie by omission. The biggest problem for me is that we seriously tell each other everything so I probably would last a day before I spilled.

Like what? Have unprotected sex?

jll1881 · July 2011

When you say DH isn't ready to "try," what do you mean by that? Have you two decided you want another baby and he's just the typical "it'll happen when it happens" kind of guy?

Shayliz · July 2011

Nope. My DH doesn't really care what I do TTC wise because he's on board for anything so he knows about my OPKs.

Laouli · July 2011

my dh is not involved in the opk practice .. he knows I temp.. but he thinks its going to be a random thing and not something that has to be planned .. he's a bit clueless...

gberg1331 · July 2011

workingmama:

DH is not ready to "try," or at least do what he knows is trying. He knows about charting, but nothing about the details. Do any of you ladies use an OPK without DH's knowledge?

I wouldn't lie to him about it, unless you count lie by omission. The biggest problem for me is that we seriously tell each other everything so I probably would last a day before I spilled.

if you're TTA and not using any contraception...wouldn't using OPKs be better than nothing? then you could avoid at the right times.

but if you're wanting to use OPKs so you can have sex during your fertile window even though he doesn't want to.....that's....not good.

Diane7707 · July 2011

He knows I use them but I don't always tell him when I get a +. The first month we tried he had some.....er.....performance anxiety? I think he feels too much pressure if he knows I'm ovulating. It's better now - but I usually just tell him "I think I might be fertile soon" instead of "OMFG I'm ovulating RIGHT NOW let's GO GO GO!!!"

workingmama · July 2011

jll1881:
When you say DH isn't ready to "try," what do you mean by that? Have you two decided you want another baby and he's just the typical "it'll happen when it happens" kind of guy?

Yes. We decided I would go off of BCP a while back and "see what happens." When we did that last time, I was PG with DS pretty much immediately. Not happening this time around. After a few disappointing cycles, DH admitted last month that he was disappointed. When I knew AF was on her miserable way this week, I mentioned the idea of really trying to use the chart to plan and he was not big on the idea at this point. I think he might, therefore, frown upon using an OPK.

I don't know who I am kidding. I can't see myself using it without telling him.

ClaireOtoms · July 2011

I think you know that you are being deceitful to your husband, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question.

lin681 · July 2011

Not sure exactly what you mean by your first sentence. But when my DH and I started trying in March we were "casually" trying. I mean we had unprotected sex whenever (without any idea when I O'd). That didnt last long I did OPKs the next month and now I am on my second month temping/charting and OPKs.

I did tell my DH about OPKs he didnt really think anything of it. He thought we would get pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex ha! Now he knows its not that easy.

GL w your journey!!

ClaireOtoms · July 2011

workingmama:
I don't know who I am kidding. I can't see myself using it without telling him.

Yes

lin681 · July 2011

Diane7707:
He knows I use them but I don't always tell him when I get a +. The first month we tried he had some.....er.....performance anxiety? I think he feels too much pressure if he knows I'm ovulating. It's better now - but I usually just tell him "I think I might be fertile soon" instead of "OMFG I'm ovulating RIGHT NOW let's GO GO GO!!!"

This made me laugh..hahah! soo true!

mrsj0423 · July 2011

MH knows. He thinks its great. I believe his exact words were "Oh this is awesome, we should double up on that day and the next day". He is totally awesome and listens to every bit of TTC knowledge I have. OP, it's pretty important to have open communication lines with your husband, especially regarding something as huge as TTGP. It sounds like he is on board with everything, so why not keep him in the loop?

IdahoLakeLady · July 2011

I'm learning my cycle by using OPKs and temping for the next two months, so that I have an idea what's going on when we're ready to "pull the goalie" in later September. I haven't mentioned them to MH because, well, we're not actually trying right now. Still using a condom since I don't want to yaak my way through Rome. But once we're actually trying... I suppose I'll tell him. Right now though, it's all about me learning how things are working up in there.

jll1881 · July 2011

workingmama:
jll1881:

When you say DH isn't ready to "try," what do you mean by that? Have you two decided you want another baby and he's just the typical "it'll happen when it happens" kind of guy?

Yes. We decided I would go off of BCP a while back and "see what happens." When we did that last time, I was PG with DS pretty much immediately. Not happening this time around. After a few disappointing cycles, DH admitted last month that he was disappointed. When I knew AF was on her miserable way this week, I mentioned the idea of really trying to use the chart to plan and he was not big on the idea at this point. I think he might, therefore, frown upon using an OPK.

I don't know who I am kidding. I can't see myself using it without telling him.

OK...that makes sense. Perhaps you could tell DH you are going to start using them and that you don't want to keep it from him. However, you know that he's been disappointed and you're OK with not telling him the daily ups and downs of your cycle if that would overwhelm him. That way, you're being honest and also honoring his disappointment with being so wrapped up in TTC without success.

andy71781 · July 2011

My H is crazy involved - to the point of telling me what I can and cannot drink once we are officially TTC. It's annoying.

PhotoFan · July 2011

My DH knows I use them but I don't tell him when I'm fertile that way he doesn't feel pressured or think we're only having sex for a baby.

workingmama · July 2011

mrsj0423:
MH knows. He thinks its great. I believe his exact words were "Oh this is awesome, we should double up on that day and the next day". He is totally awesome and listens to every bit of TTC knowledge I have. OP, it's pretty important to have open communication lines with your husband, especially regarding something as huge as TTGP. It sounds like he is on board with everything, so why not keep him in the loop?

He is totally on board and perfectly amazing about everything. Pretty much says the right thing all the time and I have no complaints. He is totally on board and in the loop (even every crazy time I POAS). I don't know - I guess I was thinking it might be "too much" for him to think about. Like I said, though, right after I posted, I realized I'm nuts - there is no way I would be able to go without telling him. I can't even keep surprises from him most of the time!

adamstodrake · July 2011

gberg1331:
workingmama:

DH is not ready to "try," or at least do what he knows is trying. He knows about charting, but nothing about the details. Do any of you ladies use an OPK without DH's knowledge?

I wouldn't lie to him about it, unless you count lie by omission. The biggest problem for me is that we seriously tell each other everything so I probably would last a day before I spilled.

if you're TTA and not using any contraception...wouldn't using OPKs be better than nothing? then you could avoid at the right times.

but if you're wanting to use OPKs so you can have sex during your fertile window even though he doesn't want to.....that's....not good.

This is what we've been doing the last 2 cycles. DH knows I use them, except I didn't get a +OPK this cycle yet and FF just gave me CH. We BD 3 and 4 days before O and the day after. I told DH today, ugh oh... there is a ((slim)) chance we could get pregnant this cycle after all. Apparently he is a psychic because he says that we're pregnant. Sweet! If not, next cycle the OPKs will be for FWP timing and not avoiding.

johnson617 · July 2011

MH knows that I use them but he doesn't ask a lot of questions. He knows when I get a + but that's about it. I don't tell him every time I PIAC

rrcraz7 · July 2011

If DH was not ready to try then no i would not use an OPK without him knowing. Mostly because there would be no point. If he's not ready to TTGP then what does it matter when I ovulate?

ETA: ignore me. I see your explanation.

lycih · July 2011

andy71781:
My H is crazy involved - to the point of telling me what I can and cannot drink once we are officially TTC. It's annoying.

MH is the same way... if I drink alcohol anytime other than when I'm actively on my period, I get major side eye... And he keeps asking me what I had for lunch and stuff. As if I'm eating peanut butter cups and soda all day long.
Yes, honey, now that we're TTC I'm going to suddenly start eating like a moron and going bungee jumping every afternoon.
So. Annoying.

happilyeverafterxo · July 2011

I don't keep anything from DH including my use of OPKs. For a lot of women, using OPKs is a major part of the TTC process.

Wild_flower25 · July 2011

I didn't tell him the first couple months, but he knows I use them now. All I say now is that I got a positive.

He doesn't understand cycles and I don't think he needs to, so I don't share every detail. He's fine with that. I want to keep it fun and natural and not stressful or technical.

finchleyflower · July 2011

My husband knows and wants to know about everything, the monitor OPKs, the lot. I know people have varying opinions on how much of this stuff it is good to share, but he wants to know it all and asks about my temps etc.

I think it's ok not to tell him you are using OPKs if that increases the pressure on him, but you are both committed to TTC.

To use them without that commitment is underhand imo.

mrskristend821 · July 2011

I'm pretty sure I couldn't hide it from him either. MH is the same way. He just wants to stop using BCP and "when it happens, it happens" UGH. Men.

brachatzipora · July 2011

The first cycle I used them, I don't think he knew that I WAS but I had mentioned I was going to try them sometime. Now he knows because I usually come out of the bathroom, point to myself and go "OVULATING!"

ETA: I know the OPKs are actually predicting when ovulation is imminent but that's way too complicated to explain to DH.

vsalt31 · July 2011

johnson617:
MH knows that I use them but he doesn't ask a lot of questions. He knows when I get a + but that's about it. I don't tell him every time I PIAC

Yes This!

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