"Oh - you're STILL breastfeeding???" Vent

klvd · July 2011

My DD is now 7 months old. I'm now finding that while people were generally supportive of BF when she was a newborn, I'm now getting the question "oh, you're still breastfeeding?!". Has anyone else experienced this? My MIL is in town visiting and is always slipping this question in (but I'm getting it from other friends, family, and co-workers too). I swear she thinks that formula is a right of passage and every baby must have some at some point! Thank goodness my husband is extremely supportive. I just feel like we've made it through the rough part in the beginning, have stuck with it and now, when it's finally easy people expect that we would stop!!!

I find it so strange that some people act like formula is actually healthier than BM somehow!! I mean, afterall they are trying to duplicate breastmilk when they make formula! I think it's fine if people decide formula works best for them, for whatever reason, but I'm really proud that we've made it this far and that I'm EBF my DD at 7 months. In the beginning I would have never expected we would make it this long. Ugh! Vent over!

nicobean1 · July 2011

Oh yes. In fact, DH often asks me when I'm going to wean DS. Um, when he goes to college. Duh!

AnabelsMama · July 2011

I am just now starting to experience this, but only at work. Luckily my family and friends are very supportive. I don't care what people think, I will avoid giving my LO formula in any way I can. That's just my personal preference and other people have theirs. Hang in there!

bgf1 · July 2011

I hear you. My inlaws have never been very supportive of bfing and now that LO is bigger it is worse and worse. I just keep repeating this " The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for six months and continued breast feeding for one full year. This is the best medical advise available on infant nutrition and we intend to follow it. " I also find that LO is a big guy at almost 22 lbs and so he looks even older than 8 months. I now really avoid NIP because I feel like I really get funny looks whereas I didn't really before. I wish I was ballsier and it did bug me but it does.

mrs.ptb · July 2011

I was asked at 3 months. I'm also currently struggling with my MIL offering to give DS pink lemonade because "he'll like it". Apparently since I won't let him have formula, it means he can have anything else she wants to give him?

btw - she knows we aren't planning on food until 6 months at the earliest, and knows that I am extremely anti-sweets for him and processed food in general

klvd · July 2011

Thanks. Please don't misread my post - I don't have any intention of stopping. I just think it's so strange how some people's opinions of BF change once a baby becomes a little bit older. It's almost like they think it's cute in the beginning, but formula somehow becomes necessary as they get older.

mrs.ptb · July 2011

nicobean1:
Oh yes. In fact, DH often asks me when I'm going to wean DS. Um, when he goes to college. Duh!

Mrs.Handy · July 2011

I had way too many arguments with my BIL about this when I visiting. The way he talked, I was doing some kind of disservice to my DS by not giving him formula.

My niece is about the same age as DS and they weaned at 6 months.

It was incredibly irritating and as much as I like my BIL, really p!ssed me off.

I'm proud of BF my son for this long and I have no intention of stopping until he's ready.

sensoregurl · July 2011

At 9 months my MIL told me he was only nursing for comfort. ARGH!

Now that he's over a year I've been trying to ignore everyone. It's so annoying to have people question your parenting choices.

GBCK · July 2011

klvd:
Thanks. Please don't misread my post - I don't have any intention of stopping. I just think it's so strange how some people's opinions of BF change once a baby becomes a little bit older. It's almost like they think it's cute in the beginning, but formula somehow becomes necessary as they get older.

I think the sexulization of breasts has something to do with that...now that Buffy is old enough to KNOW she's nursing (10 months and can 'ask' (by 'ask' I mean reach for the boob), people think it's weird.

I just don't engage--at least that's what I've done thus far

crysmike · July 2011

I feel your pain. I get this comment ALL. THE. TIME. We're at 24 pounds and almost 11 months. It is so sad that in this society, boobs are for sex and not babies. We're "weird" for doing what we were designed to do. . .

ECUPirate04 · July 2011

My grandmother is the only one I get this from and let's just say she is less than supportive of BF'ing in general.

Like you said she acts like formula is better than BM somehow.

Keep up the good work momma!

AutumnBride929 · July 2011

I totally expect this to happen to me at some point, too. I've already had a number of people ask me how long I'm going to breastfeed, as if I already have the end in sight. I'm just getting started... and I love it. Thinking about the end already makes me sad, lol.

teshy1 · July 2011

At 7 months, someone thought it was weird that you're BFing? Wow. I guess that shows how our society is not very pro-breastfeeding. In some countries, breastfeeding children past age 3 isn't uncommon. Not saying I plan to do that, but I hope to BF until I go back to work, when DD is 1 year.

MWoodside · July 2011

Oh yeah I get that all.the.time.

We are gradually weaning now b/c we want to TTC & I don't have my cycle yet. I am super sad about it though. Anyway, I get comments frequently about people judging that we are still BFing. My personal favorite is this little gem from my sister:

"It's super gross that you are still BFing. You don't realize it now b/c your hormones are all messed up since you are still BFing, but once you stop you will realize how weird & gross it is". Umm thanks. DD was 12 mo when she said this.

kathrnn · July 2011

I haven't had that happen to me yet, since my daughter is still so young, but whenever people hear my goal is to breastfeed her for AT LEAST a year they always blanch. I can see how it would be weird to BF an 18 yo, but a 1 yo? Really?

mrs.mastro · July 2011

Just tell them that someone responded to your post who is still BFing her 14-month-old! We're down to wake, nap and bedtime, so it's not really obvious to everyone. But the family knows and both grandmas are aghast! It's just not a problem for me or DS, so I figure we'll do it till he's done or I can't take it anymore.

Lisadi · July 2011

To some, it's not as important. Different values, for different folks.

Also, It seems that I hear this line more from people who aren't as educated on the subject. And, why would they bother to read up on this and be knowledgeable about it unless they were planning to BF themselves? I'm sure my older relatives have certainly not ready as many articles on KellyMom as I have! :-) So, naturally they're not going to feel as strongly about it as I do. But, yeah, why they can't keep it to themselves is beyond me!

I've thought sometimes about making a NIP cover that lists the benefits of breastfeeding instead of a cute floral print. Maybe it would help others to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing for LO.

I've heard:
- "He won't become independent." from an aunt. Odd. LO grabs for the spoon when eating solids and drinks from a sippy cup. I'd say he's doing just fine.
- "It takes too long. Feeding from a bottle only takes 10 minutes." from my dad when LO was going for marathon nursing sessions after I was sick.

GretchenCash · July 2011

I feel for you. I am having my second child, (which I totally intend to BF until 1 yr old), and the nurse at my dr. visit actually told me that my BF my first child til she was 13 mths was more for my benefit then hers. I would really like to report her because if she is saying it to me she is saying it to others and first time BF do not need to be talked out of BF by some nurse who thinks she knows it all. She also looked to be about my grandmother's age which suggests to me that maybe she didnt BF herself since bottles were really popular in that era.

Also, my MIL at first was not into the idea of my breastfeeding but she wasnt able to do it herself with her two kids. Once I had told her all the benefits and she saw how healthy my LO was she bragged to friends about my doing it. Of course this didnt stop her from trying to feed my 1 mth old icing but I re-affirmed my want of keeping her from solids until 6 mths and no junk and it stopped. She still grumbled about it but I know she knew I meant it.

My last argument on this is that milk changes to the needs of a child. I read a BF book which told about warriors in tribes in other countries getting milk from their elder mothers before going hunting. The milk contained different ingredients then infant milk. It is our culture that has issues not us.

megkreig · July 2011

Surpisingly i didn't get comments like that. I nursed my twins for 18 months and 25 months. I guess i just chose to surround myself with people who supported nursing.

justinandjen · July 2011

I find I get this question from moms that have given up breastfeeding long before I have. It's like I make them feel guilty for having lasted this long.

bgf1 · July 2011

AmyG*:
I breastfed for over 50 months, so I think I've heard most of these things.

Of course, that was 22 months with baby #1 and 29 months with baby #2.

Google promom 101 reasons to breastfeed.

look for things that fit your family and then randomly mention those things to your family members

so if you have family members who have dealt with breast cancer= " did you know that breastfeeding for 24 months lowers your risk of developing breast cancer by 25%? Just breastfeeding for a year may lower it by 10%. It also lowers baby girl's chance of breast cancer as an adult--isn't it amazing that something as a simple as breastfeeding can help prevent breast cancer? With our family history, it just makes sense to breastfeed as long as it works for me and baby."

similar comments to prevent ovarian cancers

or if you have a family history of diabetes " did you know breastfeeding reduces baby's risk of developing diabetes?"

or breastfeeding reduces baby's risk for obesity(which is in epidemic proportions in some parts of the US), allergies, asthma, SIDS risk.

I think it's amazing that breastfeeding is protective for MOTHER against Osteoporosis--even though we've all heard that if you don't take in enough calcium, your body will steal calcium from mom's bones to provide it to baby. Amazingly enough though, as you wean, your body produces a hormone that allows you to pack calcium into your bones at a higher rate than your bones were prior to breastfeeding. Otherwise that hormone is not available in your system much after after puberty.

so I guess the "natural" answer to osteoporosis weak bones in little old ladies is for them to induce lactation for several months, and then begin to wean and take high doses of calcium to increase their bone density once they are done lactating. heheheheehehehehehe.

Great Post. Thanks

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