Moms of 3 years olds (in daycare or MDO).....

cecig · July 2011

I'm getting a bad vibe from my DD's new teacher and wanted some opinions.

My DD started preschool this past January when she was 2 1/2. Things started off a bit rocky, but only because she was shy and weary of a new place, as expected. It took her just a few weeks to get settled in but eventually she loved going & loved her teachers, she would come home talking about them, etc.

Last month, she got bumped up to the 3 year old class which obviously meant a new teacher. And well, something about the new teacher just doesn't sit well with me. First off, she's not very friendly. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't expect a long-winded conversation but at least a "good morning" or "hello" would be nice. There was one morning that I was dropping DD off and she and the assistant teacher were too busy talking (more like flirting if you ask me) with one of the dad's to console my DD who was crying (this was her 2nd week in the new class). There are also a couple of little things that bug me - for ex. I don't think she's accurate on the take home sheets. She marks things that my DD ate for lunch when I know it's something that my DD despises. She fills out the take home sheet first thing in the morning and then makes copies for all of the kids, which is pure laziness if you ask me. One of the lines she is supposed to complete on the form is: "Today I enjoyed:________" How can she predict what my kid is going to enjoy before she even arrives? This class also promotes independence and self-confidence which I am all for, but don't three year olds still need help wiping when they use the restroom? Mine comes home with stained (more than just a smudge) panties every time Angry And finally, last week when I picked DD up, she immediately started crying when I walked in. She said something happened but that she would tell me later. I asked the assistant teacher what happened and she said she didn't see anything. Once we got to the car my DD finally told me that she hit her head on the chalkboard but that nobody saw it happen. I think all she wanted was to be comforted by someone.

Soooooo.....if you have made it this far, let me first just say thanks! Do you think I'm making a big deal out of a bunch of little things? It's hard drawing the line between being protective and paranoid. I'm going to see how things go tomorrow and then schedule a meeting with the director.

Thanks again for listening!

MrsOzzy2010 · July 2011

It sounds like you have every right to be concerned, even unhappy with the new class that your child is in! Personally, I am a certified teacher, but have also worked in a day care previously, and it sounds like your DD's new teacher is lazy and just outright doesn't care..... Whether it's just with your child or all of the children in her class. If your child is having these problems, it's more than likely other children in her class are as well. For your DD's well being, both physically and emotionally, I would meet with the director ASAP! Write down all of your issues, bring them all to her attention, and tell her what you want her to do about it. I would think in order to keep your business she will work with you, if not, find somewhere else to take your DD. I hope this helps!

cecig · July 2011

Thanks for taking the time to reply! I've been working on my list while at work today Stick out tongue Hoping this conversation with the director doesn't cause friction between the teacher and my DD.....

MrsOzzy2010 · July 2011

That would be my only concern as a parent, but I'm sure the director will be watching the teacher like a hawk after your conversation, so just say what you need to say and I would bet it gets taken care of!

jen5-03 · July 2011

Playing the devil's advocate a bit...

On the take home sheet... my kids' daycare stops doing them as soon as they go to the 2yo room (2 by Sept 1) because they aren't required anymore. Since they're not required, that might account for some laziness. Also, what does your DD say she ate for lunch? I know my kids eat things at school they might not eat at home just from positive peer pressure.

My DD is shy and doesn't open up to everyone. I can totally see her getting a little bit hurt and not telling anyone and has done something similar within the last year. (She peed her pants and didn't tell anyone. It wasn't really visible, but even her socks and shoes were wet.)

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 3yo to wipe themselves. But I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to help her either. If she asks for help, will they help her?

That said, if I had a bad vibe about a teacher I'd listen to my gut. If you think there will be a different teacher in the fall, then I can see sticking it out. If not, I'd be tempted to switch. We had a lousy teacher once, but fortunately she quit before it got so far that we'd move schools. And I confess I did a little happy dance when I found out she was gone.

Nanner · July 2011

jen5/03:
Playing the devil's advocate a bit...
On the take home sheet... my kids' daycare stops doing them as soon as they go to the 2yo room (2 by Sept 1) because they aren't required anymore. Since they're not required, that might account for some laziness. Also, what does your DD say she ate for lunch? I know my kids eat things at school they might not eat at home just from positive peer pressure.
My DD is shy and doesn't open up to everyone. I can totally see her getting a little bit hurt and not telling anyone and has done something similar within the last year. (She peed her pants and didn't tell anyone. It wasn't really visible, but even her socks and shoes were wet.)
I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 3yo to wipe themselves. But I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to help her either. If she asks for help, will they help her?
That said, if I had a bad vibe about a teacher I'd listen to my gut. If you think there will be a different teacher in the fall, then I can see sticking it out. If not, I'd be tempted to switch. We had a lousy teacher once, but fortunately she quit before it got so far that we'd move schools. And I confess I did a little happy dance when I found out she was gone.

As far as poop is concerned, I don't agree with this at all. Neither of my kids could do it at that age. (My daughter STILL gets it all over her hands, and she's almost 4 1/2.) Even if some of the kids in the class can do it, they should be observing the kids closely enough to know whether they need help or not.

As for the other issues, I could get over the sheet thing. But the fact that both teachers were ignoring her when she was crying would really bother me. Not if it was just once, but if it seems to be a pattern, I'd be concerned.

Is your daughter acting any differently when she gets home? Kids are very sensitive to being neglected, and I've found that it definitely has an effect on their behavior. I know on days I'm super busy and I can't give my kids the attention I usually give them, they are difficult for several days.

cecig · July 2011

jen5/03:
Playing the devil's advocate a bit...thank you for replying. I have been trying to look at both sides of the situation so playing devil's advocate certainly helps.

On the take home sheet... my kids' daycare stops doing them as soon as they go to the 2yo room (2 by Sept 1) because they aren't required anymore. Since they're not required, that might account for some laziness. Also, what does your DD say she ate for lunch? I know my kids eat things at school they might not eat at home just from positive peer pressure. I could totally understand if they weren't required, so wouldn't it be more professional to just do away with the sheets than to lie or guess what the kid has eaten? DD eats her veggies at home, because we make her, but she has never eaten a single veggie at school. The teachers in her previous class would constantly comment on that as well so I find it hard to believe that she's miraculously eating them in the new class. I've even asked her and she says no.

My DD is shy and doesn't open up to everyone. I can totally see her getting a little bit hurt and not telling anyone and has done something similar within the last year. (She peed her pants and didn't tell anyone. It wasn't really visible, but even her socks and shoes were wet.) My DD is exactly like this so I can totally understand this viewpoint. I guess I'm just a tad frustrated that no one was watching her when there are supposed to be 2 teachers in the class at all times. I've told her since that she needs to report to a teacher or other adult if she's ever hurt.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 3yo to wipe themselves. But I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to help her either. If she asks for help, will they help her? I have to disagree with this as well. She's only been potty-trained for a few months, I don't see how she can properly wipe her self. I'm paying them for a service so I do feel like it's their job to ask my 3 year old if she needs help. If DD was a bit older, well then yes, I'd expect her to ask for help.

That said, if I had a bad vibe about a teacher I'd listen to my gut. If you think there will be a different teacher in the fall, then I can see sticking it out. If not, I'd be tempted to switch. We had a lousy teacher once, but fortunately she quit before it got so far that we'd move schools. And I confess I did a little happy dance when I found out she was gone. I wish I had this kind of luck

cecig · July 2011

Nanner:
Is your daughter acting any differently when she gets home? Kids are very sensitive to being neglected, and I've found that it definitely has an effect on their behavior. I know on days I'm super busy and I can't give my kids the attention I usually give them, they are difficult for several days.

You know, lately she has been a bit more combative. I blamed it on her turning 3 Stick out tongue but now I wonder if this is all related.....I'll have to pay attention to her behavior the days after she attends school.

rayskit10 · July 2011

I agree with Jen that there could be 100 explanations and that maybe stringing them altogether paints a worse picture than the reality. However, I 100% believe in go with your gut! I love my son's teachers and he thrives in his class, so if I was to see one of the things you described, I would probably blow it off because we are happy over all. Incidents take a different appearance when our gut tells us something is off. So, maybe there is nothing wrong with the class per se, but it's not the best fit for your daughter. No one thing is right for every child.

I will say that with everyone I've ever known with a similar situation, talking to the director of the school has offered only limited or short term results. The fact is, you can't change lazy! If I was in your shoes, based on my friends' experiences, I would probably change classes either way.

cecig · July 2011

rayskit10:

I agree with Jen that there could be 100 explanations and that maybe stringing them altogether paints a worse picture than the reality. However, I 100% believe in go with your gut! I love my son's teachers and he thrives in his class, so if I was to see one of the things you described, I would probably blow it off because we are happy over all. Incidents take a different appearance when our gut tells us something is off. So, maybe there is nothing wrong with the class per se, but it's not the best fit for your daughter. No one thing is right for every child.

I will say that with everyone I've ever known with a similar situation, talking to the director of the school has offered only limited or short term results. The fact is, you can't change lazy! If I was in your shoes, based on my friends' experiences, I would probably change classes either way.

This is what I'm afraid of! And unfortunately, there is no other class for her to move to......boo!

vivivoom · July 2011

I'm not a childhood education expert, but I wouldn't be okay with any one of those things happening even once. It sounds like it could be something that you might ask one of the other parents about. Do they have similar experiences? then i would consult with the director of the program. Good luck, HTH

CallMeKel · July 2011

First of all, I would have some serious concerns w/ the teacher about the situations you shared. I am glad you are going to speak with the director...if at least for your own piece of mind.

One bit of food for thought, however, is the wiping thing at the restroom. At our MDO/preschool program, the teachers were not permitted to help wipe on a daily basis (only for extreme/messy situations). They required the children to be fully potty-trained to be allowed to enroll in the class, which meant that they specifically DIDN'T offer wiping assistance (except for extreme cases). Is it possible that's the case at your MDO/preschool? Just something to think about.

Obviously this is different in daycare scenarios.

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Moms of 3 years olds (in daycare or MDO).....

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