Anyone scared to have another?

st.augbride · July 2011

I just read a post on baby fever on the 3-6 month board and it got me wondering how other preemie moms feel about having another baby after a preemie. I personally am not sure I could go through all of this again. I feel like ds is doing so well now, and we're still dealing with a lot 6 months out, but I know his situation could have been very different. They don't know why my placental sucked and caused IUGR, but I'd be so scared for it to happen again. Plus, preemies seem to be fairly demanding in general even outside all the medical issues from reflux, colic, needing more frequent meals at smaller amounts (at least we've gone through all of this). I used to always say I wanted two, but now I'm scared for a second. Anyone else?

mt1927 · July 2011

yup im scared. my doctor feels that what happened this time is very likely to happen again(i am very healthy, have chronic high BP and developed pre-e early on) . i do talk about the next one already but im not sure if there will be a next time or not.

kaylaaimee · July 2011

Terrified. And not going to, Scarlette is going to be our only child unless something totally outrageous happens beyond our control. They told me that if I got pregnant again they would do a cerclage and bedrest for the entire pregnancy + start injections and they still think the baby would come before 30 weeks.

So for me, having that information I just couldn't knowingly put another of my children through what Scarlette went through. If they said it was a crapshoot then I would consider it but with such a high chance of going through it again I don't think I could do it. I'd be a wreck the entire pregnancy.

I feel you

Natalie_may · July 2011

We want another but will not be trying again until the boys are 2. A lot of what happened was directly tied to twin gestation so we have a good chance of avoiding most of the complications. I would be monitored closely and might end up with a circlage or on some type of rest but my ob and Mfm are hopeful. Part of our decision to wait is based around the possibility of bed rest, I don't feel comfortable putting the boys in daycare until 2 years old.

Tellyb0228 · July 2011

While I didn't have a preemie, I did have IUGR. To say the least I am terrified to try again and since I have ulcerative colitis I am worried that IUGR would happen again. At 37 weeks my son was 4 lbs 8 oz and the first few days were the most emotionally and physically taxing thing I have ever experienced. I can only imagine what it was like to have a baby earlier with other complications. I applaud you ladies who have dealt with that. To me it almost feels selfish to want another child because of the complications that could occur (not saying anyone else is selfish for wanting another) Thinking about putting another baby and my husband through that again makes my heart hurt. I guess my husband and I will cross that bridge when we get there.

beyoga · July 2011

We were going to be one and done. They don't know for sure why Reid came early. We would not willing put another kid through that. Now that being said, we wound up pregnant before Reid came home from the nicu. I'm on the p17 shots and I've had a cerclage at 20 weeks due to finding out I have an incompetent cervix.

I had Reid at 24 weeks, he's the light of our life. I am now 25 all most 26 weeks this time. However, we have made the decision that if she comes early and she cannot breathe on her own we will not do life saving measures. We don't want another child to suffer what he did. DH has had his vasectomy so we are just relieved that no matter what happens we won't be going through this again. Good luck with your decision.

njdcgirl · July 2011

Yup. So much so that our plan is to adopt #2. added into that decision is my age (39), the fact we did 3 IVF cycles to get DS. It just seems like a lot of time, energy and worry could go into #2, and then cerclage, bedrest, and no gaurentee that this wouldn't happen again (or have an even worse outcome). I just don't think I could enjoyy pregnancy at all, and so since our goal is to parent more children, that led us to adoption. If I was younger and not dealing with IF I thinking would have considered a transabdomininal cerclage but I don't think major surgery makes sense when I'm not even sure I could get pregnant. Whew! A long way of saying I get where you are coming from.

Chitown chic · July 2011

I'm terrified! I've always wanted at least 2, if not 3 kids. I know I'm still in the midst of this whole thing -- Michaela was born less than two months ago and isn't home from the NICU yet, so our plan is to reconsider things in about a year. But while my high blood pressure is well-controlled via a small dose of medication (as it was throughout my entire pregnancy), I still developed pre-e and Michaela was IUGR. And the risk of those things happening again is relatively high (though I could also be absolutely fine). I would just hate to put another kiddo (and my DH) through all of this again. It makes me really sad to think about not having another one, since Michaela has been an absolute joy, so perhaps we'll consider adoption, or even look into surrogacy, if we decide not to try again ourselves.

mrsV719 · July 2011

I, too, am terrified. I wanted a big family... 4 kids. Now... I am not sure what we are going to do. I had severe pre-e at 27 weeks (really early) which makes me at a higher risk to have it again. I can't get a cerclage, bedrest, shots, or anything that can help to prevent this happening again. I just keep praying that by the time we are ready for a next one.. they will have figured out how to prevent pre-e... but I doubt it. We, too, have considered adoption... but I really really really want the full pregnancy experience. I guess we will see what happens in the next few years. One of the Moms in the NICU with us had pre-e and had a preemie (33 weeks) and then had another one with pre-e at 31 weeks. She said she wasn't really scared... but she was also much further along than I was.

LuckyMom0203 · July 2011

Terrified. I've always wanted at least three kids but my pregnancy was so painful and scary and our time in the NICU was the darkest period of my life. And the kicker is I feel like we got soooooo lucky with Annabelle, considering how small she was and how many problems we had. If we had another preemie, I'm worried we wouldn't be as lucky. I mean, how many miracles is one family allotted?

JakesBride07 · July 2011

*Raises hand* You are so not alone in this! We originally wanted 3 (maybe...and I do mean a BIG maybe 5, but I think we are settled on 3). We had to do IVF to get pregnant with the twins. My OB feels that because pPROM happend once, it is more likely to happen again, but not to the fact that he would discourage pregnancy. And he said that risk would be even lower if it were just a singleton pregnancy.

Still DH and I are both terrified. I spent 6 weeks on bedrest before the twins were born, and I don't know that I could juggle bedrest and taking care of two toddlers. Right now we've pretty much decided to leave it up to fate for the moment and see where we are at in 2 years (I am going to SAH until the twins are in school or if we have another, when that lo starts school).

I by all means would love to have another child, but I just don't know that we are ready for another NICU journey yet. Somedays I'd say yes, and others, I am not so sure.

Fancy3Face · July 2011

I'm scared that the pre-e will come back earlier next time, but the fact that its mainly a first pregnancy disease makes me feel better. Plus, I don't anticipate having twins again and all the complications that come along with multiples.

We'll try again in about 2 years. I'm sure once I'm in the throes of ttc/pregnancy I'll be a lot more nervous.

caitdana · July 2011

Our problems were mainly twin gestation problems as well, but we do have the IUGR that could possibly come back to haunt us. DH and I both want to try for a boy. I keep saying "just one more" but those are apparently famous last words. I have fraternal twins in my family but had identical twins so there is always a chance for another set of twins. Also the NICU/new babies has been sooo hard on my marriage we will defiantely have to work on our marriage and get it back to par before we can talk about more.

I do randomly get twinges of jealous still and just want another chance to prove that I can go full term. I had a T incision so I wont ever really be in labor or go full term.

katie4253 · July 2011

Yeah, we were on the fence about more than one before I had him. Having him 9 weeks early sealed the deal. Gabe will be our only kid unless we have some massive change of heart. Which, really, isn't likely. I got an IUD inserted at my 6 week appt. We felt it wasn't a good idea to make a surgery decision with the amount of stress we were living under. If we still don't want more babies in 5 years H is getting a vasectomy.

jacque_z · July 2011

Another one for terrified! We would really like to have two but I don't know if I could put myself and my family through that again. I know everyone would be on pins and needles the whole pregnancy. However, we are only a few months out of the NICU so we could change our minds. We would considering adoption or just having one really spoiled/loved child.

lemen99 · July 2011

Yup.

and I hate to tell you but we are still dealing with issues with our 2 yr old (specialists, therapy 4 times a week, still treated for reflux, just got tubes & adenoidectomy in Dec, needs hernia surgery still)..

We met with an MFM before we TTC to understand why Andrew was born at 26 weeks (IC), what precautions we could take next time (cerclage, P17) and what our chances were of going to term. He felt so confident we could, that we decided to take that risk. Without a lot of assurance we wouldn't have risked having another micropreemie.

I delivered at 35w4d this time but due to other issues not IC. Elliott had no NICU time. I will say that his reflux is as bad as Andrew's was (ie: AWFUL), he has colic, and is just a beastly child. It is not easy taking care of him AND a former preemie. I know he will grow out of these things and probably be in much better shape than Andrew in less time.

We thought we might have a 3rd, but are now looking into the big V :-)

sucrets4 · July 2011

I'm scared, too.

I'll never know why I went into labor and that leaves lots of questions for what could happen with #2. We're going to start trying in a few months, even though I want to start now! I think I'm more challenged to 'do it right' even though I know that having her early was completely beyond my control.

JosiePosy · July 2011

I go back and forth between wanting a third and not, but one of my big reasons against it is because I'm terrified of reliving that experience. I don't know if I could handle another round in the NICU. I'm terrified of having another complicated pregnancy. I've got ID twins now, but I have a few risk factors for fraternals as well, and that terrifies me even more.

I'm really on the fence about it. DH and I haven't ruled anything out, but we won't be making any moves either way for at least a couple of years.

flutepharm87 · July 2011

Natalie_may:
. A lot of what happened was directly tied to twin gestation so we have a good chance of avoiding most of the complications.

This. We definitely want more, but we'll be waiting until I graduate. We'll re-evaluate after I get my pharmacy license and start working full time as a pharmacist.

damabo80 · July 2011

I think I'm in the minority. I'm not scared. I'm more concerned about my dwindling milk supply.

Yes, the NICU/preemie experience sucks/sucked, but at least for us, it isn't/wasn't THAT bad. It was fairly un-dramatic, and each day she was still alive, so I considered each day to be a raging success.

Do I wish things would have been different? Sure. But the end result was a take home baby, which was the goal all along, so I feel as though we got what we wanted. Nothing about our TTC/PG experience had ever been normal... so in a weird way, the NICU experience wasn't "ZOMG" for me.

We'll keep trying until the IF insurance runs out. As it stands, we have 6 IUIs, 1 IVF and 1 FET left. We'll start again with the RE when DD is around 1y-1.5y.

Kelly1109 · July 2011

My water broke unexpectedly at 33w1d and I was in the hospital until 34w and was induced with Lily. She was 4.5lbs and stayed in the NICU 15 days. I knew even before she was out that I wanted another one and am very blessed to have gotten pregnant when she was 10 months old.

However, I am SCARED to death that this one will come early as there is no reasoning why it happened before. My doctor gives me a 50/50 chance that it will happen again. I am monitored much closely this time but its still really scary. I can't imagine being in the hospital for a week and then another 15 day stay with a 18 month at home.

Million$$Baby · July 2011

I have absolutely no intention of attempting another pregnancy. I think if I had to go through another pregnancy/birth/NICU experience like the one I had I would need to be committed. I feel so lucky to have the two amazing kids I have right now that I feel like trying for any more would be pressing my luck.

BostonLove11 · July 2011

Terrified, as in the biggest fear ever. Not only do I fear for another preemie but also for my life since I had bad hemmoraging complications. We are already in the process of adopting #2:-)

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