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Dinner Party Dilemma

StrunellaStrunella member
in Parenting after 35

We invited friends (2 couples) over for dinner this weekend.   I didn't realize that my friend was going to bring her 9 year old son, but he is a good, well-behaved kid, so no problems there.  When she asked if my other friend would be bringing her twin 6 year old boys, I replied, "No...we'd like to keep our house in one piece!"  These boys are sweet kids, but not very well-behaved and their presence would mean complete chaos and likely something broken.  We live in a townhouse with no yard, so just not the place to entertain energetic kids, nevermind those that don't follow rules.

Our friends didn't ask about bringing their boys. Problem is, once they see that the other boy is there, they will say, "Oh, we should have brought X and Y!"  Sooo...what's our best strategy?  DH and I think we are going with the "We didn't know they were going to bring their DS!" should it come up.    Of course, we can only use this excuse once! 

 
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Re: Dinner Party Dilemma

  • gimmietimmiesgimmietimmies member
    I would use him as a mother's helper at nine (and use that as a reason), and that he is getting experience before he takes the babysitting course! Stick out tongue T and her 9 yo cousin do this for me at big family get togethers, and so does L and his 11 yo cousin. They take turns and like the experience so they will be ready when the outside gigs start coming in. I would just say that the 9 yo is there to entertain your ds so the adults can visit. Clear it by your friend (if this is comfortable for you), and see if he'd be willing. I'm sure he'd much rather entertain another kid than listen to adult conversation. And 9 yo boys get all puffed up if they are in charge of something!
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  • KerryHSKerryHS
    Just say that your other friends couldn't get a baby sitter.  Roll your eyes a little. Let your other friend know what you are doing so that there are no misunderstandings.  Totally understand how some kids are fine to bring , but others are a challenge.
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  • BrideBuddiesBrideBuddies member

    He's three years older and three years more mature than the twins, so I don't think you need to explain anything. 

    Plus, he can be in charge of playing/entertaining your own kid so that you guys can have "adult" time!   No way he could handle an infant AND two 6-year olds.

     

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  • ateytelbateytelb
    I think I am a minority here so I apologize in advance for being too straighforward.. Personally, I would not to tell a lie, no matter how innocent it is. I also wouldn't discriminate the kids based on their age. Plus, all possible explanations seem too obvious to me - the friend with the twins will figure it out. Most of my friends have young kids, so we either invite them with kids or don't ivite anyone at all. The exception is when we are all going out (adults only) at night and first everyone stops at our place for drinks/cheese. Also, if we are invited somewhere during the day on a weekend without the kids, we politely decline the invitation. We only get a sitter or ask my mother to babysit if it's a night time thing.
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    imageStrunella:

    I didn't realize that my friend was going to bring her 9 year old son

    This is my hang up.  You didn't "realize" - well, were kids invited or not?  It's more on you as the hostess to determine if kids are there or not than on the guests to decide for themselves. 

    Somehow it seems that your friend w/ the twins "knows" that it's a no- kids thing, right?  So... how did this all play out?  How do they know to get a sitter but your other friend decided for herself to bring her son?

    You need to decide "kids or no kids".  We've had to do this too and if it's techncially "no kids", then we plan dinner for a time after DS is either on his way to bed or in bed already. 

    This is a small enough gathering that while normally I'm all for not bringing DS everywhere I go, I might be a bit miffed if I had felt I was lead to believe that this was a no kid thing.

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  • StrunellaStrunella member

    We had both of these couples over once before together (before DS).  It was for a Saturday night dinner.  I didn't mention kids, and nobody asked.  It was just the 6 adults.   I didn't think it would be any different this time, though maybe now that I have a kid, people assume that things include kids.   I'm new at adding my own kid to the equation! 

    So I was surprised that my friend mentioned bringing her son, when she hadn't asked me...though she also didn't know that I was inviting another couple.  Guess she should have asked or I should have stated no kids.  But I really don't mind her son coming, and as pps mentioned, my friend said he'll love entertaining DS as he loves babies.  Friends with twins have MIL who lives 3 minutes away, so she watches the boys.  The wife is a SAHM and likes a night out without the kids, but the husband likes to take the kids everywhere.  

    I also get that you can't pick and choose kids if there are going to be kid(s) there...so that certainly forces you to say kids/no kids.  Lesson learned (for the next time)!

     
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    Yeah, once your kid is there, it changes the equation!  But like you said - lesson learned.  I think this time you can get away w/ it, but obviously in the future, you'll need to be more clear on what it is that you want, etc.  Or your other friend will assume kids are invited!

    We've even had an event or two where I've sent DS to my parents for an overnight! 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • gimmietimmiesgimmietimmies member
    It's hard when kids are in the equation with friends! All of our gtg's lately have been adults and kids, and while I enjoy that the older ones look out for the little ones, you're still on duty. I guess for next time be specific? And I'll bet that the mom of the twins will love a break and a kid free dinner!
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  • steverstever member
    I like the "he's our mother's helper" idea. And, if nothing else, I'm sure your friends know what a handful their kids are. At least I hope so.

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  • PeskyPesky member
    I would simply say to your other friends later, quite honestly, that you had no idea she was going to bring her son and felt a bit trapped when asked, but that, at his age, it was lucky that he could entertain himself but next time you will be sure to specify it as an "adults' evening" type of event.


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  • fauxshelleyfauxshelley member
    Is it possible that you could mention to the mom of the 9 yr old that perhaps she could share a sitter with the twin's mom?
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  • M.AmyM.Amy member

    imageKerryHS:
    Just say that your other friends couldn't get a baby sitter.  Roll your eyes a little. Let your other friend know what you are doing so that there are no misunderstandings.  Totally understand how some kids are fine to bring , but others are a challenge.

    Love this!

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