My first 123 magic attempts= big huge fail

groovygrl · July 2011

this is really long, I'm sorry!

they're only just about 2 and it is only the first time right? right? haha.

this is about how it went-

DD climbs on coffee table- 'that's 1', walk away

hits her brother like 1 min later- 'that's 2'

climbs on the couch'- that's 3, time out.

she laughs & i kept having to put her back in the time out spot (we just do an area of the family room that doesnt have toys, sit with back against the wall) but it went ok. I thought, hmmm ok, I can do this.

5 min later both kids are up on the couch, jumping- 'that's one' for both, take them off the couch. they immediately run back up on it...'thats two' take down. immediately run back on it. 'that's three, time out'. try to put BOTH kids in time out sitting on the floor about 3 ft from each other. let's just say that did not work out. they laughed & got up & ran away from me and while I'd go to get one and pick up and put back down silently & calmly in their spot, the other one was getting up & running away. it was a mess. then when i told them it was over finally, they immediately ran back to the couch to jump on it. No lie, I went through this whole entire 1-2-3 thing all over again immediately after. Clearly not doing a good job.

I was trying to get their dinner together while this was going on so i go over & get dinner on the table and they come over to sit down.

DD puts her feet on the table. that's 1.

she then takes her bowl of pasta and turns it over, dumping it on the placemat.

OK, I did not stick to the calm thing the book advises, I admit it. I raised my voice, that's 2! and ended up pulling her away from the table. she got a little upset and once I put her food back in her bowl I asked if she was ready to eat & she said yes. she started to eat but unfortuantely her brother caught wind of it & turned his bowl over. which led to her turning hers over again. then the placemats got thrown on the floor, i pulled them both away from the table, gave up and cleared their places and hten just gave them a banana. Then I felt bad that they might be hungry so I offered the pasta back and both said yes! and started to eat it. Not 30 seconds later, both dumped it & DD started swinging her hands all over and there is now pasta all over the kitchen floor in a 3 foot area around the table.

Dinner time is always my trigger, I freakin hate it, I can't seem to get them to stop with the feet on the table, food throwing, cup throwing, banging, dumping plates, etc. I need advice!

Also when you're first starting or with kids as young as 2, what type of time out spot do you use? And what about if they're eating? The book is all about the bedroom but I can't do that w/ 2 yr olds, esp since I'm simultaneously watching the other one...

Meow71 · July 2011

When DS was still in the crib, his time out spot was in the crib, lights off, door closed for one minute at a time. We got rid of the crib at 18 months and now i make him stand in the corner, facing the wall, in the living room for two minutes at a time. If tries to leave the time out area, I hold him there and explain to him why he cannot do whatever he just did. If we have company, I take DS to his room and make him stand in the corner in there.

If he is eating I put his chair facing the wall until he tells me he will behave.

I imagine time out must be crazy difficult with twins. it seems like they gang up on you!

Just remember to mean what you say and be consistent!

Jelly99 · July 2011

I've found they have to hate time out for it to work.

I put DD in her room, lights out, door closed. I think it works because she is in a different room away from me, not getting attention and its a plus that she doesn't like the lights off.

I also don't do timeout for everything. If you throw for example whatever you just threw gets taken away. If you dump your food, you don't eat. And consistent every single time.

Good luck!

Linz29 · July 2011

Good for you for trying the technique! It will take time and I imagine that it must be so hard with 2 at the same time and age. Dinner is hard in our home to. For us throwing food or dumping a plate is an automatic 3. They talk about that in the book for severe offenses. I would rec maybe getting a mat for each to sit on that is a TO spot. Put each childs mat in a different area so that they cannot see you and cannot feed off of that. That, I have found is the biggest thing. Do not talk to them while in TO. Keep at it and they will get it. Good first try!

Oh and BTW our TO spot is to sit on the step. I set the timer and he knows that when it goes off then he is allowed to get up.

N&G 5_26_07 · July 2011

Brooke has this for time outs.

We haven't used it much though. At the pedi tonight the dr mentioned 123 Magic. I just put it on hold at my library. I want to know more! We need to work on this here!

desmerelda317 · July 2011

We don't do "time outs." Instead, we do "bedroom time" which is a concept from the Love & Logic books. Anyway, the idea is that time outs, especially at such a young age, don't work well because they become a power struggle of trying to keep the kid in their time out spot. Bedroom time works much better for us. First, it is an acceptable area of the house for my son to have his tantrum and get his emotions out. Second, I can close the door and there's no power struggle of him leaving the time out spot and me putting him back a hundred times. Also, I don't do repeated warnings. He is told one time what the limit is for a certain behavior (e.g. "If you want to jump, you can do that on the floor, not on the couch"). If he gets back on the couch to jump, then he gets bedroom time. It may sound harsh, but it only takes him once or twice to get that when Mama says something, she means business.

ETA: I also want to mention, with the dinner table - you've gotta stand your ground. If they've eaten well throughout the day, missing out on their pasta isn't going to kill them. And it sounds like they're not actually eating it anyway - just throwing it everywhere. Of course they have no incentive to change their behavior because they know after a couple minutes, you'll give them their food right back and they can continue with painting it all over themselves and the kitchen. The second the bad behavior starts, you say, "Ok, looks like dinner time is finished." You put their bowls in the sink and take them away from the table. It won't take them too many dinners to catch on to the fact that you will not tolerate that behavior at the dinner table. I really really recommend reading the book "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years." I randomly ran across it at our local library and checked it out on a whim. My son's behavior has changed dramatically since we started using it and I'm a better mom - more patience, less shouting, no power struggles, etc. And I have a lot more fun being around him. The whole premise of the book is about setting loving boundaries, giving the child as much control as possible within those boundaries, and enforcing logical consequences when the boundaries are broken by bad behaviors. I really like it a lot.

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