- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
December 2010 Moms
Mommysaurus123
member
Would you "let" your DH... (clicky poll)
Mommysaurus123
member
DH is a groomsman in my cousin's wedding. They only met last September at my cousin's bday party where he decided I'd be a good DD since I was pg... but since then my cousin and DH have been BFFs. So there was no talk of a bachelor party until today and now DH is pissed at me because I really don't want him going.
We live about a 4 hour train ride from NYC. All the guys would be travelling there because 1 groomsman lives there (though the groom and 3 other groomsmen live here, but whatever). They are taking the train in on a Saturday morning, going to a bunch of bars in the city, staying at this random guy's house, and bringing the train back home Sunday night.
DH is skipping our niece's birthday party to go, even though he already told her he'd be there.
My cousin said there would be "no escorts, no strippers, and they have a driver." Still... a bunch of rowdy drunk dudes from the country in the middle of the Big Apple? And DH is the only married groomsman, which makes me think the others (mostly former marines) are going to be up to shenanigans and DH will have to stick with them so he doesn't get lost in NYC.
DH doesn't see why I'm upset. He keeps telling me that I don't trust him, blah blah, and that he won't even look at another girl. 
I reminded him that last year when we were a lot more financially stable than we are now, he flipped out that I spent $90 on a "spa party" for my friend's bachelorette party, but just the train alone will cost $100, plus I'm sure he and the others will be buying my cousin's drinks all weekend... I think this trip will cost AT LEAST $300. And we really can't afford that right now. I mean, maybe we could, but I think that it should be for a vacation for the three of us, and not just for him when I'll be working long hours both days he's gone and running around with zero help at all.
He wants to go because he has never really been in a wedding before, other than his brother's, but he wasn't really included in that one because he was only a teenager. My cousin is DH's only real friend right now because DH is slightly anti-social.
So here's my clicky...
[Poll]
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Would you "let" your DH... (clicky poll)
My DH wouldn't want to go to something like this, but I can kinda relate in that DH has gone hunting a few weekends during the last 7 months, and I "let" him go but was a bit irritated about it. For some similar reasons too ($ and being "stuck" at home while he's gone).
I guess when I'm in your type of position, I put the decision back on him, after laying out all the reasons I don't want him to go. Like, "I don't want you to go hunting because we're hardly making ends meet right now, I don't feel well, and my mom can't help me out with G this weekend. But do what you think is best. " Sometimes he surprises me.
If it makes you feel any better, my DH's bachelor party was in NYC and they ended up sight seeing, going for a few drinks, and seeing a movie. I think the draw is just the big bad city, but once you get there you realize there isn't a ton to do if you don't want to drop bank. I'm sure it'll be fine.
And besides, if you let him go, you can always pull out that card later on.
Ginny DX 21-Hydroxylase Deficiency Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia
Charlie DX Specific Antibody Deficiency & ASD
As long as the money spent didn't mean we couldn't eat or pay bills until we got paid again, I would tell him to go and have a blast.
I would say no based on the financial reasons. I think weddings are getting ridiculous these days, especially the pre-wedding events.
I agree. And honestly, bachelor parties make me nervous, not because I don't trust dh, but just the point of them. I don't know, I wouldn't want dh going (but it's not his scene, so he wouldn't want to go).
I would let him go... especially since he has never been to one before and doesn't have many friends outside of your cousin. It's not like he is invited to a bachelor party every other weekend (like my FI has been lately
).
I guess I would let him decide if it is worth over $300 for the night, but the fact that he got onto you about spending $90 for a spa day would irritate me.
Good luck, and don't worry about him getting lost in NYC... it is an easy place to find your way around in.
Hahahahaha
Yeah... this wedding is already costing us about $400 between hotel rooms, gas, tux rental, and the gift... so another $200 or more for a big party seems a little nuts...
Funny you should ask... DH asked the same thing. I honestly wouldn't want to go. I have friends that go out locally to do karaoke and get drinks every wednesday night, and I would enjoy going, but I have no desire to leave the house when my peanut is here.
I guess part of me feels like he's abandoning us for 2 days... I am with PP, I don't know when a Bachelor party turned into a weekend-long extravaganza. I think it should be like a regular party... 3 hours, the end.
Anyway, somehow it got changed around and the party is now this weekend. We got a check in the mail that we weren't expecting, so I told him to cash it and that would be his budget for the entire trip. He said that the one guy's wife is their DD and going into the bars with them, which makes me feel a little better.
It's going to suck because I will potentially have to be at work at 6am Sat and Sun, and have zero help with Landon when I'm home, which makes eating, ironing my uniform, and every other task about 10 times more difficult. But if he will come home happy, then I guess he can go. And yes... I will have a card to play in the future.
I would say the money is a big factor but he can make up for it later, right? Sounds like he doesn't have many opportunities like this. I never think twice about DH going to bachelor parties (even very far), but we haven't had to worry about finances as much (though now with the baby we do a bit more...so I'd at least remind him to consider the costs.)
I never think that strippers, etc are a problem/reason not to go. I mean, you do have to worry about safety with regard to drunkenness, but in NYC at least no one will be driving (right???) They should just not make themselves targets for pick-pocketing (drunk ppl usually are). I could care less about DH seeing strippers because I know he's not that into it and even if he did sort of like it he wouldn't actually cheat on me or leave me...so whatever. But I know I'm a little extreme in that regard.
I also think it's rude to reneg on the niece but I don't think it's that big of a deal if they're not ridiculously close and if you still went to the party. I'm sure she and her family understand that something else came up.
I voted for letting DH go but if finances were a big deal my DH would not have wanted to go, either.
I said I would let him go, but be p!ssed off about it. To clarify, I wouldn't take that p!ssed off out on him. Everyone needs to let loose and have some fun sometimes. My DH has gone on a dune trip and to a truck show since DD has been born. There were "conversations" and hurt feelings along with it a bit, but I do love my husband and like to see him have a good time. My main issue was he didn't say thank you for him being able to go away for 4 nights over a holiday weekend. That issue was discussed and he has fixed that.
That being said, he needs to let you have some fun to, and not get on your back about doing little things. From what it sounds like, that is where the resentment lies? I'm not sure, but maybe worth looking at.
Last bachelor party DH went to a gave him a strict budget.... which alas was only enough for 1 beer at the strip club (it would have been enough for several draft beers or well drinks at a normal bar, not my fault.)
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods
If we couldn't afford the trip I would say absolutely no way, Jose. Sorry. I'm not going to have us put in a financial tight spot because of something unnecessary.
If you don't trust him- why don't you trust him? MH is the only married in his group of friends, but I trust him to go out with them because I know we're on the same page of what is and is not OK in our marriage & I know he respects those boundaries like I do.
Your H is an adult, not a 13 year old boy- he should be able to handle himself the way he would around you even if you're not there. You aren't his mother. If he has trouble doing that- then your problems are bigger than this party.
FWIW- MH was a groomsmen in a wedding a few years ago and for the bachelor party, they went out for some drinks then back to one of the guy's houses for a stripper. H drove separate from the rest of them & bowed out and came home after the drinks. We have a no stripper agreement. I think if you & your H have the same- he should be a big boy & figure out a way to respect that if it would come up.
Yup, I have to take vacation time from work to attend an out town bachelorette party that the bride wanted and planned for a Friday, It is going to cost me at least $200 and that is the economy package - sharing a hotel room with 5 other ladies and carpooling to get there. Imagine if she had insisted on the limo...