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I'm going to dd this soon, but I have to express it
LO was born almost 6 months ago. DH's family lives out of state. Before LO was born, MIL and FIL (who are divorced) and GMIL and BIL were all oohing and aahing over how they would come out to visit in March, or April, or May... Well, it's July and we haven't seen them, and as of now, no plans are made.
I thought maybe it was money, but MIL just went on a vacation. Who picks a vacation over seeing their grandchild for the first time?And actually, DH and I would pay for their plane tickets if money was the issue.
This isn't unusual for DH's family, and it makes me so mad/sad. He's such an awesome guy and LO is a great little baby, and I wish his family made more of an effort to see them.
DH emails them a lot, and talks to them on the phone regularly, and sends pictures of LO often, so maybe that's enough for them.
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Re: I'm going to dd this soon, but I have to express it
I am sorry, it totally sucks. We are in the same position with parts of both sides of our family. I cherish the fact that my mom will make every effort to be around DD and completely and totally spoil her. After being upset with everyone else, I decided it was their loss for not having more interaction with her.There is nothing I or DH can do to try and make people be interested.
And, the free airfare/vacations just made things worse for us
And MIL also went on a vacation before LO was born for 2 weeks, that she planned after she knew I was pregnant, so she may have used up all her vacation time.
My parents are local and can't get enough of LO, even when he was a crying, colicky crank. So it seems even sadder to me.
I think in a lot of ways it's out of sight, out of mind for them, and since DH is the one who moved away, he kind of gets forgotten about.
I am sorry - it does suck. We experience this on both sides.
My MIL has seen the boys twice - for about a two hour visit each time. MIL is retired and travels all over - just not to see her grand kids. My FIL has met them once. My mother always says that she would like to spend more time with the boys but the traffic between my home and hers (Richmond) is too much for her to handle on a regular basis - read I should pack them up and visit her more.
(I think I sound a bit bitter!)
The good news is that we have family members who want to see and spend time with the boys no matter what - they help to make up for slack grandparents.
It's always disheartening to realize that you or DH (or, especially, your kids) aren't as important to family members as you'd thought. Some people's idea of "enough" is very different. My MIL lives three hours from us and has been to our house three times in 2+ years (and only because someone offered to give her a ride). I know she loves her grandchildren, but for her, the occasional 2-minute phone conversation and sending some gifts on holidays/birthdays is "enough" (probably since we've been to see her countless times because it's important to DH). Meanwhile, my mom lives seven hours from us and drives down once a month, Skypes, calls, etc. Night and day difference. I'm familiar with the proclamations of "let us know as soon as we can visit!" and "we can't wait to see him/her!" that never pan out. Perhaps give your ILs the benefit of the doubt and assume that they don't know what they'll do just hanging around with a baby and think they might just be in the way? They'll become more involved once LO is more interactive?
If it doesn't bother your DH much (it's just how his family has always operated and he's used to it?), then try not to let it eat away at you...other people's behavior is beyond your control. If this trend continues, unfortunately you'll have some explaining to do as LO gets older and understands more. And eventually all LOs form their own opinions about family members and have a say in the relationships. My paternal grandmother lived less than an hour from me my entire life, yet we saw her a handful of times a year, a few hours at a time - a fact not lost on my brother and me. As we became teenagers and college age, and suddenly there was more interest in spending time with us, the hypocrisy stung. If you think it'll end up like that, perhaps mention to your DH that once your LO is three years old, kids remember people and events...so if your ILs are going to step up their game, they don't have too much longer to be "lazy" about it.
Dislike.
I'm sorry. My mom just met V for the first time 2 weeks ago when we flew her here (it was a $ thing for her) and it just wasn't what we hoped for. That said, it was meaningful to her, we think. We had to come to peace with the realization that how we define a meaningful interaction and how she does are two different things.
Has DH been direct in inviting them or sharing hurt feelings vs. waiting for them to take initiative? That can be awkward, but is a reality of my family life and taking that initiative has helped me accept things better.
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