XP: Needy baby (preemie sleep issues)?

kikijbunny · July 2011

[XP in Attachment Parenting]

Just wondering if any of you can relate to this or have insights: Have any of you preemie parents found that once you get your baby home from the NICU that he/she is super needy of affection/being held, etc., or is this just the case of personality?

DS was in the NICU for 22 days (not a very long time, but long enough). He's now approaching 11 weeks old (5 weeks adjusted), and can only sleep for any decent length of time (2-3 hours) if he is being held. Occasionally we can get him to sleep in a swing or bouncer for an hour or so, but it is rare. I think his reflux makes sleeping on his back (even in a reclined position) less comfortable than sleeping on his tummy, and so he mostly sleeps on my or DH's (or my mom's) chest.

We regularly try to put him down for naps/bedtime but it never lasts more than a half hour or so before he wakes up/gets cranky. He doesn't seem to like being swaddled (always fights to get his arms free and when he does he flails them around and unsettles himself). If we leave him in the hopes that he will settle himself, he gets so upset after only a few minutes that it seems cruel to continue to let him cry it out. As a 34-weeker his primary NICU battle was respiratory distress so I'm not sure whether excessive crying helps or hurts him even more.

As I write this I am thinking this probably isn't a preemie problem necessarily, but I guess I'm curious to see if anyone else here struggles with this sort of thing. At this point I'm ready to resign myself to needing to hold him when he sleeps at night, but I worry this won't be a viable plan of action once I go back to work and DS starts day care. At minimum, he will need to be able to handle napping in a crib during the day (and I certainly would prefer to be able to sleep lying down, rather than in a chair all night).

Thanks and sorry this is so long!

ETA: I've also tried to wear him in an Ergo and a wrap but he squirms and cries every time (well maybe once or twice he'll tolerate them for twenty minutes, tops). Ugh... can't seem to get anything to work!

mommyof4boys · July 2011

I'm probably going to say something that most wouldn't. Let him sleep on his tummy. When I had my oldest son, who is almost 14, we were told to sleep on belly. With our twins, one had reflux and sounds a lot like your boy. He didnt' sleep well unless he was on his belly. Our youngest had an apnea monitor and he slept on me all night as we co-slept in our bed. Could you try cosleeping?

katie4253 · July 2011

mommyof4boys:
I'm probably going to say something that most wouldn't. Let him sleep on his tummy. When I had my oldest son, who is almost 14, we were told to sleep on belly. With our twins, one had reflux and sounds a lot like your boy. He didnt' sleep well unless he was on his belly. Our youngest had an apnea monitor and he slept on me all night as we co-slept in our bed. Could you try cosleeping?

I actually kind of agree. They sell those monitors you can put under crib mattresses (angelcare) too. That might be an option for you.

kikijbunny · July 2011

katie4253:
mommyof4boys:
I'm probably going to say something that most wouldn't. Let him sleep on his tummy. When I had my oldest son, who is almost 14, we were told to sleep on belly. With our twins, one had reflux and sounds a lot like your boy. He didnt' sleep well unless he was on his belly. Our youngest had an apnea monitor and he slept on me all night as we co-slept in our bed. Could you try cosleeping?
I actually kind of agree. They sell those monitors you can put under crib mattresses (angelcare) too. That might be an option for you.

I definitely have been considering it (both co-sleeping and tummy sleeping). I guess technically we do co-sleep now, though it means one of us in a cushy chair or recliner with DS on our chest. I haven't figured out a decent way to make it work if I'm in bed though.

Thank you!

st.augbride · July 2011

Ds slept on us for the first 2.5 months until we got a Rock n' Play. He had horrid reflux and would wake up anywhere else after an hour, but on us he would sleep for 2-3 hours straight. Once we got the RNP, he slept in that at night and would go for 6-8 hours! He still took his naps in the day on us. Now that reflux isn't an issue, he sleeps in his crib just fine, but that didn't happen until after 4 months old or so. I honestly think a lot of babies only sleep well at first when being held, and this is even more so for preemies.

beyoga · July 2011

I agree with the FP Rock and Play. It's been worth ever penny.

kikijbunny · July 2011

Of course, I would have the one baby for whom the FP Rock & Play does not work. We've tried it since the day we brought him home, and he will not sleep in it for more than an hour or so, if we can get him to stay in it at all. The trick is we need to put him in there in a very deep sleep, which rarely happens. Great idea though!

damabo80 · July 2011

kikijbunny:

Of course, I would have the one baby for whom the FP Rock & Play does not work. We've tried it since the day we brought him home, and he will not sleep in it for more than an hour or so, if we can get him to stay in it at all. The trick is we need to put him in there in a very deep sleep, which rarely happens. Great idea though!

Yep. Ours too. If she's not in constant skin contact with someone, then she fusses.

st.augbride · July 2011

kikijbunny:

Of course, I would have the one baby for whom the FP Rock & Play does not work. We've tried it since the day we brought him home, and he will not sleep in it for more than an hour or so, if we can get him to stay in it at all. The trick is we need to put him in there in a very deep sleep, which rarely happens. Great idea though!

Oh, that's too bad... Did you swaddle while in the RNP? That's about the extent of my bag of tricks... The RNP plus the no escape swaddle (you can see it on youtube) is what worked best for us. We now use the magic sleep suit for the crib, but he wakes up more even in that than when he was in the RNP swaddled, so I doubt that will help.

kar5162 · July 2011

The only thing that worked for us at that age was the swing and it was only good for one nap a day. After another month or so, he would take one nap in the stroller sometimes. Once he hit 3.5 months though, he started to sleep much better at night, in his cosleeper with my hand on him most of the night. I think it's just pretty normal for young babies to want to be touched.

kikijbunny · July 2011

damabo80:
kikijbunny:

Of course, I would have the one baby for whom the FP Rock & Play does not work. We've tried it since the day we brought him home, and he will not sleep in it for more than an hour or so, if we can get him to stay in it at all. The trick is we need to put him in there in a very deep sleep, which rarely happens. Great idea though!
Yep. Ours too. If she's not in constant skin contact with someone, then she fusses.

It's good to know that mine's not the only one. I've been feeling like I'm doing something wrong that I can't get him to be content or sleep by himself.

kikijbunny · July 2011

st.augbride:
kikijbunny:

Of course, I would have the one baby for whom the FP Rock & Play does not work. We've tried it since the day we brought him home, and he will not sleep in it for more than an hour or so, if we can get him to stay in it at all. The trick is we need to put him in there in a very deep sleep, which rarely happens. Great idea though!
Oh, that's too bad... Did you swaddle while in the RNP? That's about the extent of my bag of tricks... The RNP plus the no escape swaddle (you can see it on youtube) is what worked best for us. We now use the magic sleep suit for the crib, but he wakes up more even in that than when he was in the RNP swaddled, so I doubt that will help.

We swaddle with receiving blankets, but they are too easy for him to get out of. I'll check out the no escape swaddle -- I've never heard of it before (or the magic sleep suit). Does/did your son fight the swaddle very much? I usually let DS's arms out after a while or re-swaddle him arms out... I get paranoid that as he tries to escape the swaddle he will end up with the blanket over his face... ugh.

kikijbunny · July 2011

kar5162:
The only thing that worked for us at that age was the swing and it was only good for one nap a day. After another month or so, he would take one nap in the stroller sometimes. Once he hit 3.5 months though, he started to sleep much better at night, in his cosleeper with my hand on him most of the night. I think it's just pretty normal for young babies to want to be touched.

This is very encouraging! I'd have to say too that we can get DS to sleep in his swing easiest of all, though I don't know if it's as consistent as one nap a day. He doesn't mind lying in his pack & play or on our bed (supervised) for short bits (half hour tops), especially if there's something to look at.

When you say your son hit 3.5 months and slept better, was that actual or adjusted age? I've been wondering if his settling will take longer due to his prematurity (he's a 34 weeker).

ayram · July 2011

I had also heard of the Woombie - it keeps baby all contained, zipped up almost like a straight jacket, but it's kind of stretchy (like the womb) so they can push their arms and legs against it, which they can't do when swaddled. I haven't tried it, but heard it's good.

kikijbunny · July 2011

ayram:
I had also heard of the Woombie - it keeps baby all contained, zipped up almost like a straight jacket, but it's kind of stretchy (like the womb) so they can push their arms and legs against it, which they can't do when swaddled. I haven't tried it, but heard it's good.

Ooh, thanks, I'll check this out!

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