A vent.....

ECUPirate04 · July 2011

That at least I know Hughes will relate to.....

I'm almost positive that I don't live far enough from my family. They live about 45 minutes from me however as of late I wish I lived farther away.

There is never an invitation with them to events. It is more like a summons therefore if we say no it really doesn't work out well for anyone involved.

The entire rest of the family lives within a 5 mile radius of each other so they see each other all.the.time which is where the expectation comes from with us.

The problem is we don't have the same expectation. We do still see them a good bit however I wish they had some perspective.

We see them 1-2 times a month. Sometimes more and sometimes less. Some families don't get to see each other except for that many times a year.

It is making me crazy having to justify why we can't (and won't) always do what they want to do.

Today's example is they want us to come to dinner tonight. After work. 45 minutes there plus dinner and then home. We would get home at 9pm.

No thanks. Sadly I am sure it is causing WW3 in my family this week

ETA: And since I have posted this I have now gotten a text from my dad saying he understands that we aren't coming to dinner tonight and wants to know why.

This is not going to end well

NatPhoto09 · July 2011

I have never lived at a normal driving distance from family and I'm pretty sure they would expect us every few days if we were less than an hour away. We are 4 hours now and I think they expect it once a month. As much as I missed them, I loved our life in Raleigh and loved being able to see them 3-4 times a year b/c I truly wanted to see them. It was not out of obligation. Even if WW3 is going on in your family I'm glad you stood your ground.

MrsHughesNC · July 2011

Oh, do I ever hear you, sister. Tongue Tied

Vent away...

ECUPirate04 · July 2011

nlsanchez:
I have never lived at a normal driving distance from family and I'm pretty sure they would expect us every few days if we were less than an hour away. We are 4 hours now and I think they expect it once a month. As much as I missed them, I loved our life in Raleigh and loved being able to see them 3-4 times a year b/c I truly wanted to see them. It was not out of obligation. Even if WW3 is going on in your family I'm glad you stood your ground.

The obligation part is the worst. Somehow they translate living within driving distance to us wanting/needing to see you every chance we get.

We are busy and then when we aren't busy sometimes we just don't want to do anything.

IDK it is bothering me today because it is such a pointless conversation with them. It makes me want to move away and only come home for holidays but that isn't actually an option. I'm just frustrated.

MrsHughesNC · July 2011

ECUPirate04:

nlsanchez:
I have never lived at a normal driving distance from family and I'm pretty sure they would expect us every few days if we were less than an hour away. We are 4 hours now and I think they expect it once a month. As much as I missed them, I loved our life in Raleigh and loved being able to see them 3-4 times a year b/c I truly wanted to see them. It was not out of obligation. Even if WW3 is going on in your family I'm glad you stood your ground.

The obligation part is the worst. Somehow they translate living within driving distance to us wanting/needing to see you every chance we get.

We are busy and then when we aren't busy sometimes we just don't want to do anything.

IDK it is bothering me today because it is such a pointless conversation with them. It makes me want to move away and only come home for holidays but that isn't actually an option. I'm just frustrated.

I hear this too.. My mother seems to prefer us being obligated to spend time with her than to actually want to. At least it sure seems like it with the way she behaves. I'm trying to just accept that that's how it's going to be, and just find a good balance that won't leave anyone shafted. Although, in her opinion, she gets the short end of the stick no matter what I do, so it's hard to figure out what's right when I get constant guilt trips and reminders of how selfish I apparently am.

Seems that all I can do to get through it is grit my teeth, and keep promising myself that I'll never put Holly through the same.

ECUPirate04 · July 2011

MrsHughesNC:
ECUPirate04:

nlsanchez:
I have never lived at a normal driving distance from family and I'm pretty sure they would expect us every few days if we were less than an hour away. We are 4 hours now and I think they expect it once a month. As much as I missed them, I loved our life in Raleigh and loved being able to see them 3-4 times a year b/c I truly wanted to see them. It was not out of obligation. Even if WW3 is going on in your family I'm glad you stood your ground.

The obligation part is the worst. Somehow they translate living within driving distance to us wanting/needing to see you every chance we get.

We are busy and then when we aren't busy sometimes we just don't want to do anything.

IDK it is bothering me today because it is such a pointless conversation with them. It makes me want to move away and only come home for holidays but that isn't actually an option. I'm just frustrated.

I hear this too.. My mother seems to prefer us being obligated to spend time with her than to actually want to. At least it sure seems like it with the way she behaves. I'm trying to just accept that that's how it's going to be, and just find a good balance that won't leave anyone shafted. Although, in her opinion, she gets the short end of the stick no matter what I do, so it's hard to figure out what's right when I get constant guilt trips and reminders of how selfish I apparently am.

Seems that all I can do to get through it is grit my teeth, and keep promising myself that I'll never put Holly through the same.

Pretty much this. Although I'm not sure about the finding balance part. It seems like if you say no then let the guilt trip begin.

I love the line where they say...But it would surrreee be good to see you guys. Let us know if you change you mind because we would loooooveee to have you.

I'm just not in a happy place with this today.

It also doesn't help that the more this goes on the less I want to make plans with you.

WendyNC · July 2011

Your child goes to bed well before 9 pm. What is so hard for them to understand about this? It's hard when you have small children, but you have to make a lot of sacrifices and accomodations for their sleep schedules. Does your family not grasp that concept at all?

ECUPirate04 · July 2011

WendyNC:
Your child goes to bed well before 9 pm. What is so hard for them to understand about this? It's hard when you have small children, but you have to make a lot of sacrifices and accomodations for their sleep schedules. Does your family not grasp that concept at all?

No. Funny that you mention sacrifice. I just got off the phone with my dad who informed me that I need to learn how to sacrifice other things in my life to be where others need me to be at times.

Sacrifice = make him and the rest of my family happy at my expense.

I'm really over this.

starz080 · July 2011

This post scares me! We're about to go from 3.5 hours distance from my family to 30-40 min away. I know we're gonna see them more than 1-2 times a month which is what we average right now. But I am a little fearful they're going to expect us to attend EVERYthing they invite us to which is not gonna happen.

I am starting to think I should have a "talk" with them b/f we move or right when we settle in just to let them know we can't constantly be traveling to and from every other day which is what they could possibly expect. Hmmm.

I hate you gotta deal with that!

ECUPirate04 · July 2011

starz080:
This post scares me! We're about to go from 3.5 hours distance from my family to 30-40 min away. I know we're gonna see them more than 1-2 times a month which is what we average right now. But I am a little fearful they're going to expect us to attend EVERYthing they invite us to which is not gonna happen.
I am starting to think I should have a "talk" with them b/f we move or right when we settle in just to let them know we can't constantly be traveling to and from every other day which is what they could possibly expect. Hmmm.
I hate you gotta deal with that!

I'm sure your family is a little more rational than mine or Hughes' so hopefully you won't have any issues at all

Since you have read this post you will now know if there is an issue though so you can just set up expectations in the beginning if need be. I'm sure you will be fine though!

starz080 · July 2011

ECUPirate04:
starz080:
This post scares me! We're about to go from 3.5 hours distance from my family to 30-40 min away. I know we're gonna see them more than 1-2 times a month which is what we average right now. But I am a little fearful they're going to expect us to attend EVERYthing they invite us to which is not gonna happen.
I am starting to think I should have a "talk" with them b/f we move or right when we settle in just to let them know we can't constantly be traveling to and from every other day which is what they could possibly expect. Hmmm.
I hate you gotta deal with that!
I'm sure your family is a little more rational than mine or Hughes' so hopefully you won't have any issues at all
Since you have read this post you will now know if there is an issue though so you can just set up expectations in the beginning if need be. I'm sure you will be fine though!

It's hard for me to say how rational they will be since I haven't lived this close to home in FOREVER. But I can say that my mom has definitely had her irrational moments as far as when she should see us and how often we should take the 3.5 hr drive to see them. I'm definitely gonna have some sort of talk with them. Hopefully, I won't have the same vent, but I wouldn't be surprised.

I'm sure it's hard, but don't let her dad make you feel guilty. You've got your own little family of 3 and you've got your priorities in line and just stick to your guns!

ECUPirate04 · July 2011

starz080:
ECUPirate04:
starz080:
This post scares me! We're about to go from 3.5 hours distance from my family to 30-40 min away. I know we're gonna see them more than 1-2 times a month which is what we average right now. But I am a little fearful they're going to expect us to attend EVERYthing they invite us to which is not gonna happen.
I am starting to think I should have a "talk" with them b/f we move or right when we settle in just to let them know we can't constantly be traveling to and from every other day which is what they could possibly expect. Hmmm.
I hate you gotta deal with that!
I'm sure your family is a little more rational than mine or Hughes' so hopefully you won't have any issues at all
Since you have read this post you will now know if there is an issue though so you can just set up expectations in the beginning if need be. I'm sure you will be fine though!

It's hard for me to say how rational they will be since I haven't lived this close to home in FOREVER. But I can say that my mom has definitely had her irrational moments as far as when she should see us and how often we should take the 3.5 hr drive to see them. I'm definitely gonna have some sort of talk with them. Hopefully, I won't have the same vent, but I wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sure it's hard, but don't let her dad make you feel guilty. You've got your own little family of 3 and you've got your priorities in line and just stick to your guns!

Good luck!

It is very hard but I know I'm doing the right thing for myself, my marriage, and my child.

Thanks for the support ladies!

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