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June 2011 Moms
Turtle143
member
giving up on breastfeeding
Turtle143
member
I feel really bad about this. Liv had a bottle from day 1 because of course my milk hadn't come in then. At week 2 we also made a mistake of giving her the Soothie. Because of bad latch, I've been sore and I would take a "break" from putting her on the breast every now and then. I think she's nipple confused now because I cannot seem to correct her latch no matter how I try the strategies LC taught me and regardless of whether she's got a good mouthful of my breast. I think it's the suckling mechanism she's using that is getting my nipple raw and sore.
I honestly feel like giving up on putting her to the breast and only exclusively pumping but the truth is it makes me really sad to the point of crying just thinking this. I love the feeling that I'm bonding with my baby when I'm feeding her on me, not the expressed bottle. I feel like I've somehow failed at breastfeeding. I was a WIC nurse who encouraged all moms and moms-to-be to breastfeed and educated them on how its the best for baby for physical and emotional health. Now I can't even fix my own breastfeeding problem. 
Anyone else having a not so great time with breastfeeding? I don't know how to give up on breastfeeding and just exclusively pump. I've been feeding her on me today though the nipple pain was intense. I feel like I might be traumatizing her or making the breastfeeding experience unpleasant for her as I squirm around, and fuss around her mouth to check she's got a good latch, or reposition her in hopes of finding it more comfortable, but really without any success. *Sorry for the run ons.* In pain, I would latch and unlatch her during feeding sessions. I really feel like a bad mom!
Thanks for listening.
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Re: giving up on breastfeeding
I had planned on BFing for six weeks until I went back to work.
In the hospital, I tried and tried to BF but she wasn't latching and she would just scream her head off!!! I was told 3 times that a lactation nurse would come see me and she never came. I wound up giving her formula in the hospital but would still try to BF everytime with no luck.
When we got home and my milk came in, she was still having trouble latching. So I bought nipple shields which helped soooooooo much! However, she just couldn't get enough. After 20 - 30 mins on each side (which was all I could give her because it hurt soooo bad) she was still screaming for more! So I would wind up still giving her formula and she would stop crying.
After a few days, my nipples started bleeding and I just couldn't take it anymore. Not to mention the fact that my boobs leaked soooooo bad! Everytime I fed, I would be soaked as well as LO. BFing was just becoming too much of a process. DH kept yelling at me to stop because he didn't want to see me cry everytime I fed her. So I did. I cried for days after my decision. Despite the pain, I loveeed the bonding feeling I got with her as well. It was such an amazing feeling. I still get upset when I think about it but she is happy and that's all that matters. I would have pumped if I had one but I didn't buy one since I didn't plan on EBF for more than 6 weeks.
Don't feel bad. You need to do what's right for yourself and your dd. If it's a miserable experience for you it's not going to be a good one for her either. Just wondering, have you tried a nipple shield yet? DS has a slight tongue tie and his latch is terrible, but using the nipple shield he's able to get on and feed. I wish I didn't have to use it but it's just so much easier with his tongue.
If you feel like you've done all you can though and it's going to make you happy to stop, you should. Plus, if you're going to still pump, she's still getting your milk which is the benefit she needs most out of breastfeeding. Good luck with everything! I hope it gets better or you're able to come to terms with your decision. It didn't work out for me with my DD and I pumped for a few months so I've been there before.
Yes I've tried the nipple shield but I've only used it about 3 times because the LC gave me a 20mm (small) one and I honestly think it's too big for my nipple. I just ordered the extra small one from Amazon but it won't be here until next week!
And that's the thing; stopping isn't going to make me happy. I'm really sad about it and I don't want to stop. I just can't figure out a way to correct this. I'm planning to get rid of the pacifiers and will continue to feed her using the small nipple shield my LC gave me until the right fitting one gets here.
Thank you.
When you exclusively pumped, did your supply keep up with your LO's needs? I don't want to have to give her formula as much as possible.
I was thinking the same thing about "starting over"- but I was also wondering if your LC checked if there might be anything going on other than latch issues.
We are having lots of trouble with BF-ing; first, I had mastitis, then I got thrush due to being on antibiotics for it. We dealt with weight loss and latch issues and used nipple shields for a weekend (which were very helpful, but I wouldn't use them unless under the direction/guidance of a LC) and I am now almost over my infections, I hope.
I was wondering about the pain not being latch related, because thrush causes just the absolute worst nipple pain. That is my main and pretty much only symptom. It's burning and stabbing and I have bleeding, redness, and cracking on my more infected nipple. LO has no symptoms of thrush in her mouth (although she has a little rash in her diaper area). Do you think you could be dealing with something like that?
The end of this article has a huge list of reasons for nipple pain: https://www.lalecheleague.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvoctnov98p91.html
I really hope you guys get through this. You know what's best for you and your family, so don't feel guilty about whatever decision you make.
oh i'm sorry it's so difficult, that is an awful feeling to have a screaming baby and the food supply right there and it still doesn't work.
have you tried the nipple shield? i have 1 cracked nipple and she also has a difficult time latching on that side, and it's a lifesaver for me. it really cuts down on the pain for me, too. the lc also showed me how to put a bit of sterile sugar water in it the first number of times to get her interested in it.
if you really want to make it work, i'd go back to an lc and get more help, they are so good at sorting out what's wrong. good luck, you are doing a great job w/baby and there is nothing wrong with ff if it isn't working. everyone my age that i know was ff and they are all perfectly fine.
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. Have you met with a LC since leaving the hospital?
The ones in my hospital were great, but we were learning so much so fast, it was a blur and I got home and couldn't quite get the hang of it (LO was eating but my nipples were cracked and bleeding and it hurt SO bad!) We ended up making another appointment this week and going to see the LC - she made some very small tweaks to our positioning, checked out LO's suck, and 3 days later I was healed and most of the time she's eating great and I'm pain free. Not saying it would 100% fix your problem, but if you haven't met with another LC since the beginning, it is probably worth a try if you aren't wanting to give up.
You can keep it up, yes. It's just a lot of work to sit there with that machine and harder when you can't be at home with it etc. If you can devote your time to pumping as much as you would if you did bf, you can do it. I only did it for a few months, but my friend did it for the entire first year with her DD and it worked just fine.
I'm so sorry!! I was totally here last week but the nipple shield saved me. Definitely try the other size, and you might want to look into a little cheap hand pump to see if you like that-
but all in all, DONT feel sad about it-- when push comes to shove, you've tried everything you could and that's the best kind of mommy
Thanks Cfisher. I actually am planning on getting rid of the pacifiers for now. I'm also going to stick to Playtex VentAire. Because I pump into Medela bottles, we've been using the same bottles for feeding. The nipples are "slow flow" but the base isn't as wide as the Playtex ones so we're going to just use the Playtex from now on.
Birdies: I actually did get a Rx for the "nipple cream" for the symptoms you've described. I have all those. I used the cream probably 4 times total and decided to stop because Liv seemed to be making a face when feeding on me or the expressed milk. So immediately I thought maybe it's the cream so I nixed that. But I started using it again last night and will stick to that. What treatment did you take? Oral or cream? And how long for.
Thanks for the input, ladies.
I just want to say that we also had a really hard time w/breastfeeding and we are still working on it and it is not perfect. I know just how you feel with sort of wanting to EP but feeling bad about it too. I kept going because I knew that stopping BFing would make me feel worse even though BFing was hard. But if it had been the other way around I would have EPed and that would have been okay too. I guess I am just trying to say I empathize totally with how you are feeling. I think it is really tough because you feel like it should be this beautiful bonding experience with your baby and it is so depressing when it is not. No one tells you how difficult it can be.
Keeping trying if that is what makes you happy and know that we are all here cheering for you. As my lactation consultant told me, you have done an awesome job and you are a rock star!! And if you decide EPing is right for you, that is great decision for you and your LO too.
I don't have special advice that is different than what everyone else has said. I just wanted to add my support and share that our pediatrician reminded me that the most important thing is: "Feed the baby." Whether that means exclusively breast-feeding or formula feeding or some combination of the two, ultimately the most important thing is that the Baby is eating. You sound like you are an amazing Mama; please try not to get too discouraged. Also, if you haven't already have the chance, maybe you could contact your local La Leche League for some additional support?
Good Luck!
peace,
katharine
Book-Kitten blog
Hi Girls,
I don't really post too much but love to see what is going on with everyone. I love it because atleast a couple of the posts I can relate to. Anyway I thought i would mention that last week i had a very tough time breast feeding my little guy because my nipples were so swollen. I went to see my doctor and she said it looked like I was on the verge of having them crack and start bleeding.
I inquired about a cream called "Jack Newman". Let me tell you, after a day i was still inflammed but the pain was reduced to very minimal and by the second day alot of the redness was gone.
https://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=76:all-purpose-nipple-ointment-apno&catid=5:information&Itemid=17
Anyway if you don't want to give up on breastfeeding, i really recommend this stuff. It was amazing for me.
I met a LC at day 5 who looked at how I was latching baby on to me, how effective she was at removing milk by taking before and after feeding weights, and gave me more tips on how to go back and forth from breastfeeding to bottle feeding to avoid nipple confusion. I learned a lot but somehow her tongue is stroking my nipples during feeding and that really hurts. If it's not her tongue, something is rubbing against my nipple when I'm nursing her.
I have been contemplating meeting with the lactation consultant again though. I will definitely look into that after the holidays. I really want to make this work.
Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad breastfeeding is going well for you!
I don't have any advice for you but I know exactly what you're going through. I went through pretty much the same issues/feelings with DS and ended up switching to formula. It was honestly a really good move for us. I was so stressed out about feedings it was effecting my relationship with DS and DH. I had a cheapo pump and didn't think I could possibly keep up with feeding him and pumping. Now I know about the rental hospital grade pumps and wished I had done that instead of switching to formula.
With DD things are slightly better and I really think what I learned with DS is helping us be better at this, knowing what our problems were. DD and I are still working on our latching issues but I feel like the fact that I'm a second timer makes things a little less stressful.
Do what is best for you, a happy mommy = a happy baby.
*photo removed*
This is the Rx cream that I am using now. Day 1.5 here. I haven't felt much different. I hope it works. The LC consultant I saw the first week suggested this to me because she saw my nipple then was starting to crack.
Sorry I didn't see this earlier...
I use generic Lotrimin (Clotriminizole, I think?). I was told to wash it off before a feeding or pumping, unless I wasn't using it too many times a day and it was clearly absorbed in. I just use it a few times a day and try and do it when I know there'll be a pause in feeding and haven't had to wash it off yet, but that was maybe the problem for you guys? I'm planning to use it for at least a week, assuming my symptoms disappear before then, because I was told to continue using it after the symptoms are gone.
Good luck to you- it sounds like you are really trying your best despite many obstacles. You are doing an amazing job!
I EP. I love it. I now pump every 3-4 hours for 15 minutes. I get about 6oz on average. I use my electric pump at home and my manual one when I am out and about. I have pumped in the car, at a swap meet, the grocery store and even a club. I haven't felt restricted or limited at all. I wish I could at breastfeed but I know the most important things about beastfeeding are
1. The breastmilk, which he is getting
2. The bonding, which he is getting with me, DH and even his sister
Since you were a WIC counselor then you know you are still giving your LO the best no matter what method she gets it.
I know that breast is best but how is it any different if you are giving your baby breastmilk in a bottle?
Sazrah I never thought I'd feel this way about breastfeeding because I did counsel women on "at least" pumping and giving milk to baby when I hear women say "breastfeeding would feel weird" or "it would hurt too much when they clamp on" or other reasons they may have about not being able to put the LO on the breast. Like I said, I miss the feeling like I'm truly bonding with her when she's feeding on me; like breastfeeding is something that only she and I can do together. Trust me, when I bought my Medela electric pump prior to Liv's arrival, I told myself that I would want DH and other family to be able to feed her and give me a break. But I guess now I just want her all to myself? lol I don't know.
I don't look down on anyone exclusively pumping and I have a lot of respect for them since I know how time consuming that can be. It's actually a lot more work than feeding the baby on the breast! For me though, I just really wish the actual feeding on the breast worked!
The Rx nipple cream I got is actually the one recommended by Dr Jack Newman. It's a compounded product that has 3 ingredients to fight off the yeast infection and the swelling. I started rinsing with water my breasts prior to pumping last night. When you say wash, do you wash with soap or just rinse with water?
Thanks again!
I think the nurse said pat with a warm soapy wash cloth and then let air dry, but like I said, the ointment always seems to absorb for me, so this hasn't been a problem.
I'm really amazed by all that you're doing- I can tell you are trying everything to get this to work and I really hope it does for you!