feel terrible. need advice

missyishere · July 2011

I have had several friends who have miscarried in the last year or so, many of which were successful after loss. With that being said, I have had no issues so far. Sure I've had every symptom under the sun, but I've had no losses and no true health concerns for me and LO. I just found out a good friend of ours miscarried, and I know how hard they've been trying. we started trying about the same time, and I had great success. they've invited us over for a bbq tonight, and I just can't help but feel terrible around them. I feel like I would be flaunting my belly around after they just found out they lost theirs. They weren't far along, but I'm sure it is still devastating.

sleepingbeauty · July 2011

i would wear something flowy so you're not blatantly putting your belly out there, don't mention the pregnancy unless they ask, stuff like that. if she wants to talk about the loss, let her. don't interject with your own pg symptoms in an attempt to relate, or anything like that.

gosh, this is such a difficult thing and such a touchy subject. good luck.

tracij12 · July 2011

Totally understand what you're feeling, but try not to feel too bad/act different as it might just make it awkward. She knows you're pregnant and they invited you over so I'm sure they aren't expecting you to try to hide the fact you are pregnant. Agree with PP that you should probably steer clear of talking about pregnancy unless they bring it up and then just be prepared for some emotional stuff. Good Luck!!

jhenry1204 · July 2011

tracij12:
Totally understand what you're feeling, but try not to feel too bad/act different as it might just make it awkward. She knows you're pregnant and they invited you over so I'm sure they aren't expecting you to try to hide the fact you are pregnant. Agree with PP that you should probably steer clear of talking about pregnancy unless they bring it up and then just be prepared for some emotional stuff. Good Luck!!

This!

KBBH · July 2011

tracij12:
Totally understand what you're feeling, but try not to feel too bad/act different as it might just make it awkward. She knows you're pregnant and they invited you over so I'm sure they aren't expecting you to try to hide the fact you are pregnant. Agree with PP that you should probably steer clear of talking about pregnancy unless they bring it up and then just be prepared for some emotional stuff. Good Luck!!

I agree with this, too. She knows you are pregnant and chose to invite you over anyway. If she wasn't feeling up to seeing you, they would probably come up with a reason to cancel. I had a m/c at 7 weeks, and had friends who were pregnant at the same time. I was able to still be happy for them and embrace their pregnancies, knowing that my time would eventually come. Maybe I have a different view on it, but I figured that it just wasn't my time and there was something going on that wasn't "right" or "healthy" and therefore I had my m/c. If your friend brings it up and asks about your symptoms, etc., then I would talk about it. You don't have to feel ashamed or sad because you are pregnant and she has had a loss. If and when they decide to try again, you will be there to celebrate with her.

Each life is special and deserves to be celebrated and recognized. I think you are very sensitive and empathetic to be concerned, but you shouldn't have to worry or not celebrate your LO because you are worried about your friend. If she is a true friend, it will play out naturally. Good luck!!!!

TheBrowns · July 2011

I have been on both sides of this. We lost a baby in Feb. and got pregnant again quickly, but several of my friends had losses around the same time and are not pregnant. It makes me feel sad and guilty - I just want them to be pregnant too! But if your friend has invited you over, then she is probably okay with your pregnancy. Just make sure she knows you are there to listen if she wants to talk. We all make our plans, but God's plan always prevails. Your friend will be a mama someday too!

missyishere · July 2011

Thanks all for your wonderful advice. I will steer clear of talking pregnancy unless she asks, for sure. I lost my mom last year, and I see some people are still uncomfortable with talking about their mothers around me (especially Mother's Day), so I can see where it's harder for people to walk egg shells rather than just acting normal. I just hope they succeed soon, because I know how much they want it.

mpstochlinski8 · July 2011

thats so sad your friend lost her LO

I would wear something loose and just try not to draw attention to your bump or talk about it unless someone else brings it up first. You can't help that your pregnant and she isn't but it would be nice for you to be at their party since she probably could use friends right now. go and just be there for her

NMW071000 · July 2011

While I don't have great advice, I just want to commend you for being such an empathetic, caring, and selfless friend! It's easy to claim the spotlight when you're pregnant; it's not always as easy to consider someone else's feelings, griefs, and pains. You're awesome!
Good luck--she's in my prayers!

hanna mae · July 2011

I'm in the same boat, but with my situation, it's my stepsister who started ttc'ing last year. She was suppose to be due 5 days before me. Unfortunately, she ended up losing her little one around 8/9wks.

As someone else stated, wearing something flowy would probably help conceal it. However, at the same time, she knows you're pregnant and really, there is no point in hiding it.

Best of luck!

vspek · July 2011

I actually have a women at work who's been trying for couple of years and she is 38, she lost her baby at 34 weeks. I feel really bad for her, so I've been trying to avoid her most of the time, but at some point you need to face these things. I would just wear something very loose, so your belly is not sticking out as much.

missyishere · July 2011

NMW071000:
While I don't have great advice, I just want to commend you for being such an empathetic, caring, and selfless friend! It's easy to claim the spotlight when you're pregnant; it's not always as easy to consider someone else's feelings, griefs, and pains. You're awesome!
Good luck--she's in my prayers!

Thank you for your kind words! so sweet!

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